Five Takes on the KG Injury: The "Experts" Weigh In (Satire)

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Bill Simmons, ESPN Columnist 

It happened.  The worst thing to happen in Boston sports history in the past three months.  Kevin Garnett will not be playing in the 2009 postseason. 

Last night, I had to call my father to make sure he was alive, as I do after every memorable Boston sports moment. We both agreed that this downgrades the Celtics chances of winning a title from “sure thing” to “very likely.”

Of course most of us Boston faithful saw this coming.  We knew that something was wrong with KG’s knee.  Believe me, when Boston fans know something is up, something’s up. 

Well, this just validates my TSPOATW theory.  That would be The Star Player Of A Title Winner always get injured theory.  Look it up, it happens all the time.  In a way, it reminds me of Teen Wolf.  You know that scene where Scott shoots the free throws. 

Anyways, we have to do what we do when ever a calamity like this happens.  Move along.  Yep, these are my readers.

Rick Reilly, ESPN Columnist

Kevin Garnett’s knee injury has been called a tragedy in some circles.  I say shame on these sick bastards.  You idiots wanna know what a tragedy is?  A tragedy is 14 year old Cody Berger of Boise, Idaho.  Cody’s been in a coma for three years after trying to jump off of her trampoline and hitting her head.  All Cody wants to do is play basketball. 

But Mike Warren, director of the local Men’s over-40 rec league, won’t let her play in his league.  Gimme a break, these 40 year old geezers can play, but you won’t let a sweet little girl play basketball?  You should be ashamed of yourself, Mr. Warren.  

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