New Job Suggestions for NFL Players out of Work
Terrance Ganaway might not be out of a job in the NFL, but the young running back from Baylor has decided that it makes more sense to get a job as a "sandwich artist" during the offseason than risk finding himself in trouble.
Talking to Jim Thomas of The St. Louis Post-Dispatch, the former sixth-round pick of the New York Jets and current member of the Rams, had the following to say:
"I’m on the line that makes the sandwiches. ... I bake bread. Take the cashier spot. I had to sweep the other day. Clean the tables. I mean, all types of stuff. Slice the meat. Wrap the meat."
Ganaway, who took a part-time job at Jimmy John's in Waco, isn't hard up for money or anything. Instead, he decided his "off time" could be better utilized than what we have seen with some players around the National Football League.
"I just wanted to stay fit, stay out of trouble, and really just try to save money and not spend a lot of money."
There is someone with a good head on his shoulders.
Not all NFL players are willing to, or have to, make a decision like this. Though, I thought it would be somewhat funny to take a lighthearted look at what currently unemployed NFL players might be best suited for if they had to change professions.
Shaun Hill as an FBI Informant
I am surprised that not one single player on the Detroit Lions has been arrested since the end of the Super Bowl early last month. What are they waiting for?
After all, there were a total of seven arrests among Lions players last offseason, anything ranging from a firearm charge to marijuana possession (via Yahoo! Sports)
Seriously, it was becoming something like an epidemic in 2012.
Enter into the equation good ol' boy Shaun Hill, who has done everything right off the field since coming into the league as an undrafted free agent back in 2005. The current free agent, while not a great player on the field, has only made news by conducting this poor attempt at homemaking off the field:
Maybe Hill can come in as some sort of informant to tell the powers that be in Detroit what is going down at night in the city. While he wouldn't fit too well in the nightclub scene, I am pretty sure the shirt posted above would be a great conversation starter. Like the guy inside that body has ever thought about using any performance-enhancing drugs.
James Harrison as a Bouncer
Now this makes a bit more sense. All Mr. Harrison has to do is have a television monitor of his hit on Colt McCoy directly above the entrance sign, and he has a perfectly fine new profession.
Just imagine the former Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker all decked out in some type of leather vest and shades as you enter a club ready to party it up for the night. I am pretty darn sure most of us would mind our P's and Q's.
While I fully understand that Harrison, at 6'0" and 242 pounds, might be a little undersized for a bouncer, he more than makes up for it with those guns. OK, not those ones; instead, the ones he uses to literally bash opposing quarterbacks' heads in.
Charles Woodson as Secret Service Agent for Wes Welker
If you have never been to an Oakland Raiders game as a fan of an opposing team, count your blessings and that you still have a full set of teeth. The reputation these fans have gained, dating back to the 1970s, is not overblown. They will intimidate you, throw stuff at you, call out your mothers and even make snide remarks about your children. Heck, one time I saw a Raiders fan make a little girl cry (no lie).
Now imagine you are Wes Welker and must now go into Oakland once a season and do your thing. On the surface, that's bad enough. Now imagine him putting up 10 catches for 150 yards and a score. I don't think fans of the Silver and Black will take to that too well.
Charles Woodson, who could soon be signed by Oakland's cross-bay rivals, is still without a job. He played with the Raiders from 1998 to 2005, helping them to the Super Bowl in 2002. The future Hall of Fame defensive back wouldn't have much of an issue blending in with the home team, which is one of the job duties of a Secret Service agent. Let him dress the part and then protect Welker from the onslaught of hatred that will end up being thrown his way.
Then we can all rejoice as they set off into the sunset together...
Either way, this could end up protecting John Elway's $12 million investment on the former New England Patriots star wide receiver. Elway, who played college ball in Northern California, knows all too well what Raiders fans bring to the table from his days as a quarterback for these very same Denver Broncos.
JaMarcus Russell as a Guidance Counselor
This could go one of two ways. First, Russell learns from his past mistakes, catches on with an NFL team and improves as a man. Second, he goes back to his old tricks.
Either way, anyone who chastises Tim Tebow for wearing his religion on his sleeve might want to think about other players around the NFL and what they have done when drawing a conclusion about who they want acting as a "guidance counselor" for their children.
At least, Mr. Russell will teach our children to drink grape juice. It's a whole heck of a lot better than all these energy drinks making the rounds in schools these day. Oh, not that purple drink; never mind.
Elvis Dumervil the Fax Machine Salesman
Honestly, how many of you have a fax machine in your house or home office these days? When the news broke that a hiccup in communication between Elvis Dumervil's agent and the Denver Broncos led the star pass-rusher to be released, we all waited for more information to come out.
Then this dandy followed (per ESPN.com):
"Magid (Dumervil's agent) said he received the renegotiated document from the Broncos at 3:45 p.m. ET. He said he had Dumervil wait by a fax machine to receive the copy and then send it back."
I fully understand that there are legality issues with emails and the like, but this is so archaic in terms of technology in the postmodern age that most of us were taken aback by it.
As it is, Dumervil was out a whole bunch of money and without a football team when the deadline passed on Friday because the fax didn't reach Denver's front office in time.
That's a sales pitch right there. If he were to come to my work and give me that sob story, I think a deal would be closed relatively soon.
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