The Doctor's WWE Main Event/SmackDown Recap: Things We Learned, Loved and Hated

The Doctor Chris MuellerFeatured ColumnistMarch 16, 2013

Picture by Natasha Farley (Images property of WWE, BBC and Bleacher Report)
Picture by Natasha Farley (Images property of WWE, BBC and Bleacher Report)

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to my weekly Main Event and SmackDown recap list. I always appreciate my loyal readers, but for those of you who are new, each week I recap SmackDown with a long list.
The entries are made up of equal parts observations, humor, recap, play-by-play, revelations, speculations, questions, answers and anything else I notice during the show. I sometimes comment on commercials, too, just because I get bored during them.
I try to interject some fun into these lists, so I hope you have fun reading this week's list of the things we learned, loved and hated from the show.


Main Event

1. Ricardo Rodriguez brings out Alberto Del Rio at the top of the show.
2. They show the video they made mocking Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter.
3. Why is Del Rio's beard black? He should have worn a blond beard. It would have been funnier.
4. Ricky says 'Merica instead of America.
5. I kind of want Pizza after watching this.
6. Big Show makes his way out to face Del Rio.
7. Show uses his size to dominate the early part of the match and sends Del Rio to the outside.
8. Del Rio ends up pulling Big Show through the ropes and hitting a Back Stabber.
9. Swagger and Colter come out and watch from the stage as we head to a break.
10. Show works over Del Rio's arm, which is a bit of a role reversal.
11. Big Show tries for a powerbomb, but Del Rio counters it.
12. Big Show never learns that anyone he tries to powerbomb will always counter it.
13. Show kicks out of two pins by pushing Del Rio into the air.
14. Del Rio locks in the Cross Armbreaker over the top rope, and Big Show picks him up and drops him on the apron.
15. Swagger takes out Del Rio while the ref is distracted and he gets counted out. Big Show wins.

16. 3MB are out to job to someone after the break.
17. Wait a second. The Usos usually job to people, too. Now I am actually curious as to who will win this.
18. After a quick back and forth match we see The Usos get a rare win.

19. They show a replay of Brock Lesnar robbing us from a full New Age Outlaws match on Raw.
20. Wade Barrett is taking on Justin Gabriel...again.
21. It's too bad Tyson Kidd is out with an injury. I liked the team he had with Gabriel.
22. I like Barrett's IC title so much more than The Rock's WWE title in terms of design.
23. Not just because it is the classic look, but because it looks like a wrestling championship.
24. I think the new WWE title looks just as much like a toy as the old one.
25. Gabriel uses his quickness to get the early advantage.
26. Barrett takes control and slows down the match.
27. I have never understood the little wings that stick out from Gabriel's boots. Is he trying to be Hermes or something? Not the Hermes from Futurama, The Hermes from Greek Mythology.
28. Barrett hits the Bull Hammer for the pin and the win...again.

29. They show David Otunga on the red carpet for The Call.
30. Otunga has about as much time in the trailer for this film as he does on Raw.
31. After the break, we get a recap of what happened Monday between Undertaker and CM Punk.
32. And that does it for another edition of WWE Superstars.
33. Oops, I mean Main Event.



34. Sheamus comes out to kick off the show.
35. Dammit! Brad Maddox is on commentary again.
36. Randy Orton joins Sheamus in the ring for a match against Rhodes Scholars.
37. What happened to Rhodes Scholars breaking up to focus on their singles careers? Did WWE just decide to hope we forgot?
38. Why did the camera just jump to a woman with big breasts in the audience?
39. Never mind. Answered my own question.
40. Rhodes and Sheamus start things off, and Sheamus uses his power to control the match until Sandow gets a tag.
41. Rhodes hits a nice Disaster Kick off the announce table as we head to a break.
42. Orton gets the hot tag and cleans house.
43. Sheamus hits Sandow with the Brogue Kick, and Orton hits Rhodes with the RKO for the pin and the win.
44. After the match The Shield's music hits, and they appear on the Titantron.
45. Ambrose left Jericho off the list of top Superstars they have defeated.
46. Ambrose tells Orton and Sheamus to find a partner for WrestleMania and they will have a six-man match.
47. The real injustice is Antonio Cesaro not having a match on the card yet.

48. Kane was the only highlight in the promo they show for The Call.
49. After the break we see Big Show approach Orton and Sheamus about being their partner at WrestleMania.
50. Sheamus and Orton say they already picked Ryback.
51. Show walks away and that is the end of that.
52. Am I the only one who is pretty bored with The Shield at this point?
53. I like Ambrose a lot, but I feel like WWE is just treading water with them until they figure out their next move.
54. Kaitlyn and Layla take on Tamina and Aksana after the break.
55. Wow! Tamina shoves Layla so hard she goes under the ropes and almost smacks her head on the ring post.
56. Layla takes a lot of punishment to her head early on as Tamina owns her all over the ring.
57. Aksana comes in for a split second and then tags in Tamina again.
58. The Funkadactyls are shown watching the match backstage.
59. Aksana stretches Layla in a unique submission.
60. Kaitlyn gets the hot tag and she ends up hitting Aksana with the spear.
61. Layla gets the tag and hits her corner cross body for the pin and the win.
62. Kaitlyn looks less than thrilled that Layla tagged herself in to get the win.
63. I will just go ahead and predict that Kaitlyn and Layla will face off at WrestleMania for the Divas title.
64. The Bellas walk up to the Funkadactyls and make fun of them.
65. The Bellas attack the Funkadactyls and they have to be pulled off them by officials.

66. Maddox chose a gray on gray on gray ensemble for his stint on commentary tonight. It matches his personality pretty well.
67. WWE shows a video package highlighting CM Punk's actions during Paul Bearer's tribute on Monday.
68. Watching Kane go nuts looking for Punk and then beating him later in the evening was pretty cool.
69. Kane's pyro hits, and he makes his way out with Daniel Bryan.
70. AJ being splashed with water is shown in slow motion a couple time before the match starts.
71. Ziggler gets backed into the corner right after the bell, and Kane goes to work.
72. Ziggler just can't get going as Kane beats him all around the ring.
73. Ziggler hits a nice missile dropkick to get a near fall and his first major offensive move.
74. Kane gets taken down with a jumping DDT for another two count.
75. Kane holds a vertical suplex for a few seconds before dropping Ziggler for a near fall.
76. Ziggler locks in a sleeper, which I think he actually used to beat Kane once in the past.
77. Big E takes a boot to the face from Kane on the outside, and when Kane gets back in the ring, he eats a Famouser and Zig Zag from Ziggler to give him the win.
78. Ziggler has actually been winning recently. I wonder if WWE is making him look strong before he cashes in.
79. Langston saves Ziggler from an attack by Kane after the match, and Langston hits Kane with his finisher.
80. AJ is systematically having her ex-boyfriends taken out by Langston lately.

81. After the match we get a second video from Alberto Del Rio and Ricky Ricardo mocking Swagger and Colter's videos.
82. This video is about the dangers of Canadian immigration.
83. They talk about the ethics of illegally importing maple syrup.
84. I want to like this segment, but I don't.
85. The first one was funny, but this one seems forced.
86. R-Truth and Chris Jericho are backstage, and Swagger walks in with Colter.
87. Are they in the ladies locker room? I see at least three leopard-print bags.

88. Jericho reminds Swagger that he was actually born in America.
89. Jericho calls Colter Yosemite Sam. Fair comparison.
90. The commercial for the new Assassin's Creed game looks awesome. I was more entertained in that 40 seconds than I have been in the first hour of SmackDown.
91. I have always wanted to be a pirate, and video games have never really done a good job of letting me do that. Hopefully this one will.
92. Cole talks about JBL being forced to abandon his climb within 3,000 feet of the summit of Mount Death.
93. Better to be safe than sorry.
94. Fandango comes out after the break to face Khali.
95. Natalya looks good in green.
96. Fandango wants Khali to pronounce his name correctly.
97. This is so stupid. I have seen squash matches that were shorter than this segment.
98. He walks away without wrestling again.
99. I am just now noticing that they used a B/R article in one of their video packages for Cena vs. Rock, but I am having trouble finding it in the writer's (Voodoo Magic) archive. I have included a screenshot from the video showing the title and date of the article, but cannot find said article anywhere on the site.
100. That is a little strange.

101. The Shield attack Orton and Sheamus backstage and beat the hell out of them.
102. The way Reigns speared Sheamus right out of the camera's view looked awesome.
103. Remember when it was Orton and his cronies attacking guys backstage? Karma's a bitch, Orton.
104. Not Kharma the wrestler, Karma the Indian belief in cause and effect.
105. Ryback and Booker are backstage with Orton and Sheamus after the break, and Booker tells Ryback to go face Mark Henry and forget about it.
106. Henry makes his way out first.
107. They lock up and before they can even finish testing each other's strength, we hear The Shield's music hit, and they make their way through the crowd. That match ended quickly.

108. Henry leaves the ring, and The Shield go right for Ryback.
109. Ryback manages to clear the ring, and Henry distracts Ryback for a moment, allowing The Shield to attack him again and get him down.
110. They hit the triple powerbomb to Ryback for what seems like the 10th time.
111. Henry comes back in the ring after The Shield leave, and he hits Ryback with three World's Strongest Slams.
112. A ref tries to help between the second and third WSS, but Henry just yells at him and he backs off.
113. I wonder if this will lead to an injury angle where Ryback can't compete and Orton and Sheamus are forced to take Big Show?
114. Swagger comes out after the break for his match against Chris Jericho.
115. The match starts with some chain wrestling.
116. Swagger screws up a clothesline from Jericho at one point.
117. Jericho hits his three point dropkick to knock Swagger off the apron before the break.
118. We see Swagger in control after the break, and I am just realizing Maddox is still on commentary.
119. To his credit, I forgot he was there, which means he hasn't been that annoying tonight.
120. Swagger is bleeding from the mouth a little after colliding with Jericho.
121. Jericho tries to fight back, but Swagger keeps beating him to the punch.
122. Jericho builds up a head of steam and hits a flying chop from the top rope followed by a running bulldog.
123. Swagger avoids the Lionsault, but Jericho is also able to counter the Swaggerbomb.
124. Swagger counters out of a Walls of Jericho, but he gets an enziguri to the head instead.
125. Jericho twists out of a Patriot Lock and gets a near fall.
126. Swagger hits a belly-to-belly suplex for a near fall before a second break.
127. That match really picked up in the last couple minutes.
128. After the break we see Swagger try for the gutwrench powerbomb, but Jericho counters into another attempt at the Walls, which Swagger counters into a Patriot Lock.
129. Jericho rolls through and turns him on his stomach for the Walls of Jericho.
130. Swagger pulls himself to the ropes to break the hold.
131. Jericho climbs to the top rope and hits a cross body for a close near fall.
132. Jericho goes for a Codebreaker, but Swagger drops his head on the bottom turnbuckle.
133. Swagger hits the Gutwrench powerbomb for the pin and the win.

134. That match started a little slowly, but they picked up and ended up ending the show on a high note.
135. Considering Colter's getting on the apron didn't really do anything, Swagger won that match clean.
136. I was not very entertained by SmackDown until the final match.
137. Ziggler defeating Kane was nice to see, as well, but there was too much going on outside the ring.
138. Overall I would say that anyone wondering if they should watch SmackDown should just look up Kane vs. Ziggler and Swagger vs. Jericho on YouTube and call it a night.
139. The mystery of why Antonio Cesaro was not featured on the show is on par with who shot JR.
140. Not Jim Ross, JR from Dallas.
141. Not Dallas the city, Dallas the TV show.
142. Well, the original Dallas, not the new one.
143. Or are they the same thing? I was never quite clear on that.
144. You know what? It doesn't matter. This joke died two lines ago.
145. To end this list on a high note, here is a video of The JBL and Cole Show.


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