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Newcastle United's Plan to Build Slides at St. James' Park an Amazing Idea

NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE, ENGLAND - DECEMBER 15:  A general view of St James' Park during the Barclays Premier League match between Newcastle United and Manchester City at St James' Park on December 15, 2012 in Newcastle upon Tyne, England.  (Photo by Stu Forster/Getty Images)
Stu Forster/Getty Images
Michael LingbergCorrespondent IIIMarch 3, 2013

Remember scrambling up the play structure at public parks as a child so that you could go speeding down the slide in pure ecstasy? I do. 

So with the news of a company called NE1 Limited planning to construct slides outside of Newcastle United's St. James' Park, the little boy inside me has become giddy with excitement and nostalgia. 

I finally know what you meant, Robin van Persie. 

According to the Daily Mirror, these slides would be located next to flights of stairs and would be used to relieve traffic congestion after Newcastle games finish. 

This is an amazing idea. This is the kind of thing that would make me want to take a trip specifically to Newcastle and St. James' Park. Think about it: Riding a slide after a win would keep the adrenaline going. After a loss, it would lessen the sting of losing; it would put people in slightly better spirits.

Just imagine being stuck behind a huge crowd of people snailing along, then getting a glimpse of an open slide that leads to the bottom of a staircase jammed with people. Take a running start, jump onto the slide and race to the bottom onto a soft mat. Then maybe take a moment to straighten your hair after the wind had its way with it?

Genius. 

But, of course, to avoid injuries there would certainly have to be attendants at the top and the bottom. They would be there to protect the intoxicated from themselves, as using a slide after hitting the booze is twice as fun, but also a little more dangerous. 

Just build a slide that doesn't cause burns or rashes from friction, plop a way-too-soft pad at the end and put on a smile. This is one great idea.

Now if only Newcastle's standard of play could elevate itself to this level of greatness...

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