Juventus Line Up Cane Corso Mastiff to Replace Pavel Nedved (Humor)

Reuters

Sunday April 12 2009

After months of speculation, Juventus has finally lined up a replacement for retiring Czech left midfielder Pavel Nedved. 

Despite being linked to such international luminaries as Franck Ribéry and David Silva, the Italian giants have moved for 6-year-old Pugnax of Sardinia. 

The muscular, athletic Cane Corso was spotted by Juve scouts when tending to his master's herd in the summer of 2006, and the management have been tracking him since.

Speaking to the press on Sunday evening, Sporting Director Alessio Secco underlined his excitement for the newest member of the Bianconeri:

"Pugnax is a target we've been following for some time now. His dedication to the task, excellent stamina and four legs make him the perfect replacement for (Pavel) Nedved.  We are very excited to have this dog as a part of the Juventus fold, and we believe he will be one of our greatest signings yet."

The general mood of various supporters gathered at the entrance of the club's training ground was of general confusion and frustration. 

Nevio Pagliucelli, a chef from Turin remarked, "I don't think this dog is what we need to push the club back to the heights of a few years ago.  I really don't think he has the crossing ability needed to provide service to Amauri, Iaquinta, Del Piero and co. Why couldn't we just use Giovinco out wide?"

Still more supporters have begun angry demonstrations, protesting Alessio Secco's management of the club's transfer strategy and demanding his immediate resignation.  Life-size effigies of Secco in an Inter Milan jersey are being sold in the streets to be burned in front of the stadium.

New signing Pugnax was interviewed by a local television station, but his peculiar dialect of growls, barks and sniffing has yet to be translated into traditional Italian and English.

In further transfer news, Juventus are said to be following a 9-year-old German Rottweiler to shore up the back line alongside Giorgio Chiellini.