Anatomy of Pick-up Basketball

(Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)

The way a good scoring run occurs, the way a group of five comes together—This is a thing worthy of study.

The Team

There are the friends. This is the nucleus of the team. They come to the court together, one ball between the group of them, half-heartedly warming up.

In the game, they pass to each other and know when to cut, when to set picks, and when to get out of the way.

Ideally, the friends come as a five. They get to the court, say “next,” and that's that—There is no need to pick up anyone else.

But more often than not, these friends are a group of two or three, and they must recruit the other pieces. This is where the other characters are introduced.

There is the ROTC man, who can't catch a pass, fights to the death for a rebound, and sprints up and down the court regardless of what anyone else is doing.

There is the Asian, ubiquitous in appearance but varied in game. Some never call fouls, some never shoot the ball, some shoot lights out, some wear expensive sneakers and try not to muck them up.

With the Asian, you can never really tell.

There is the Old Head. He is the player/commissioner/coach all at once. He will call three seconds in the paint without batting an eyelash, keep track of the score, the possession arrow, and the +/- ratio of every player on the court.

He always passes first, never drives to the basket, and when he shoots it will be a mangled shot that swishes every time he has an inch of space. Most importantly, he will appreciate the team more than you, and after the game will shake everyone's hands.

There is the Ringer. The Ringer will warm up in a long-sleeve shirt and jog up and down the court until his services are needed, at which point he will score whenever he gets the ball.

The Ringer will never call a foul, but will give you the sort of look that says “never foul me again,” and he'll always win, the same way the Old Head will always be on the same team as the Ringer.

The Ringer will gun occasionally, but a gunner is somewhat necessary in pick-up basketball.

Lastly, there is the Sleeveless Shirt, who often confuses himself for the Ringer. He mistakenly believes that upon his shoulders rests the fate of the team.

This is the same skewed belief system that caused him to take scissors and cut off the sleeves of his t-shirt.

He will put up shots that careen off the side of the backboard, throw passes that cause bloody noses, and hack, hack, hack.

The more sleeves on the court, the better the quality of the run.

The Game

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