Just How Old Is UConn's Stanley Robinson?

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Just How Old Is UConn's Stanley Robinson?
(Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

University of Connecticut men’s basketball player Stanley Robinson looks like a grandfather, yet his birthdate is listed as July 14, 1988.

For those of you adept at adding and subtracting in your head, that makes Robinson 20 years old, going on 21.

Perhaps my eyes deceive me, but if Robinson were a Dominican baseball player, seems highly likely that we would have to check (and recheck) his birth certificate to confirm that age.

Robinson has the physique and athleticism of a 20-year-old but the mug of an aging Tim Meadows. You remember him, right?

Former Saturday Night Live cast member who was mauled by both a tiger and a bear after filming Mean Girls in 2004...does this ring a bell?

Okay, so maybe Meadows wasn’t attacked by wild animals, but dude might as well have been, seeing as how he seems to have fallen off the face of the Earth.

In all honesty, it’s just as likely that the now-38-year-old Meadows may have wanted to fulfill a lifelong dream of playing college basketball, and did so by slipping on a UConn jersey, changing his name to “Stanley Robinson,” and worming his way into coach Jim Calhoun’s starting lineup.

In my opinion, Robinson and Meadows could pass as long-lost brothers, if not twins.

With Robinson the elder of the two, naturally.

And it’s not just his resemblance to Meadows that sets Robinson apart from his teammates. Stanley shares a common hairstyle with another old man, that of former 49ers and Raiders wide receiver Jerry Rice.

Remember when Rice grew cornrows during his time in Oakland? So what if his hairline started "halfway up the mountaintop," Jerry was a winner, and as a winner, he was determined to grow those ‘rows.

And he did, and were they ever hideous.

Stanley Robinson has that same oddly coiffed ‘do; it's the type of mop that says, “Physically, I’m growing old, but mentally, I’m staying young.”  The type of haircut that, locked in a room with this perpetrator of personal fashion and armed with an electric razor, you wouldn’t hesitate to shave off.

“Stop struggling! I’m doing you a favor!”

Yep, that’s Stanley Robinson, the Dikembe Mutombo of college basketball. The kind of guy who makes Greg Oden (and everyone else) look young, a man cursed with a face that looks like it’s been ravaged by the hands of time.

As if that little demon gravity came along and latched onto Robinson’s chin like a kid at recess on the monkey bars and just hung there, bringing everything down with it.

Great basketball player, amazing hops, ridiculously ancient mug.

Don’t worry, Stanley. With the millions of dollars you’ll make in the NBA, you’ll be able to afford to make yourself look younger overnight. Age is only a number.

 
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