I'm not one of those guys who's more interested in the commercials than I am in the actual Super Bowl. And I imagine most of you are the same way; I mean, this is a sports website you're reading right now, isn't it?
But let's rectify one troubling misconception: There's nothing soft about looking forward to Super Bowl commercial season. It is, after all, the best advertising night of the year—a chance for creative minds to entertain and manipulate us in one voluble swoop.
Our friends at Business Insider have done a magnificent job compiling an up-to-date list on confirmed Super Bowl commercials heading into the big game. And from that list, we're able to glean a few hints at where the night's off-field highlights might lie.
Here are five confirmed commercials that will have us taking bathroom breaks during the game, rather than the breaks.
Super Bowl advertising powerhouse Anheuser-Busch is back in a big way for XLVII.
Bud Light's "Superstitious" ads have been a big hit through all of football season, and two more 30-second spots—titled "Lucky Chair" and "Journey"—will debut during the big game.
There are unconfirmed grumblings about celebrity appearances, but even without a big name, these commercials have always done the job for diehards in the past.
The combined track record of company, campaign and cinematic personnel makes us confident in this year's two-pack of light beer spots.
Never afraid to dish out for celebrity spots, Best Buy is back in the Super Bowl with one of Hollywood's most sought-after commodities—Amy Poehler.
On the heels of a magnificent hosting job at the Golden Globes, and yet another stellar season of Parks and Recreation, Poehler has established herself as one of the funniest creative voices—male or female—in show business.
Per The San Jose Mercury News, Best Buy brass-man Scott Durchlag said that Poehler, "had a lot of creative control" over the process, so be prepared to laugh.
Milk Processor Education Program
Going through late 90's/early 00's withdrawal? Lusting for a sweet nostalgic melange? Fear not, my friends, because something called MilkPEP is here for you.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is already vaulting his way back into public consciousness with his revamped tour de force in WWE. He won Sunday night's Championship bout with CM Punk, and now stands poised to wrestle once again at WrestleMania 29.
I mean, who wouldn't want to be as healthy as the current champion of the world?
Our best movie fix will come from an award-winning studio that's no stranger to groundbreaking Super Bowl promotion.
In 2009, Paramount broke the mold with their Monsters vs. Aliens trailer—the big game's first ever 3-D advertisement. Now, per The New York Post, Paramount will air a new, 30-second trailer for Star Trek Into Darkness, their upcoming feature from the warped (pun intended) mind of J.J. Abrams.
With Benedict Cumberbatch in tow as the main villain, it seems Paramount has finally found a way to merge my two biggest on-screen passions: NFL Football and BBC's Sherlock.
When first reported, I woefully sighed that Psy would be getting the Super Bowl treatment this season. I'm just as sick of him as everybody else is, and I enjoyed watching his (purported) farewell performance on New Year's Eve.
But the more I dwelled on the concept, the more on-board I became. Think about it: An anonymous pistachio company—a brand that's never bought a Super Bowl ad—shells out (pun intended) for not just a 30-second spot, but also a celebrity du jour.
They've gotta have something good up their sleeve...right?
There's no real middle ground with this one: It'll either be one of the night's best commercials, or one of the night's most irritating. And I admit that there's serious credence to believing the latter.
But when I'm down in the dumps, I've got faith in Psy to provide one more smile.