Vince Can't Hear Me: Ohio Wrestling League Crowns a Champion (No. 3)

Jeff D Gorman@@JeffDGormanSenior Writer IApril 4, 2009

The Ohio Wrestling League crowned its first champion at Show No. 3 in Cleveland.

The show began with four second-round tournament matches. The winners moved to a four-way elimination bout for the title.

Colt “Boom Boom” Cabana came to the ring to host his “Good Times, Great Memories” talk show. His guest was his opponent, “M-Dogg 20” Matt Cross.

Cabana pointed out Josh Prohibition in the audience.

“Why didn’t you pick Josh to be your partner in the tag team tournament?” Cabana asked. “He’s been with you since the backyard days. Sure, you’d rather pick a hot shot like Teddy Hart, and now you guys are in the finals.”

Ace Steel joined Cabana to serenade Matt and Josh with the chorus to “Friends” by Whodini.

“Friends! How many of us have them?

“Friends! Ones we can depend on?”

Cross snapped and attacked Cabana, and the match was on.


Match 1: Colt Cabana pinned “M-Dogg 20” Matt Cross by pulling the trunks.

After the match, Cross asked Josh to tell the referee about Cabana’s cheating, but Josh replied that he was in the restroom at the time.


Match 2. Mike Quackenbush pinned Blue Meanie with a victory roll.

Simply Luscious came to the ring to introduce “The All-Around Best” Xavier. The lights went out, and Sabu’s music hit!

When the lights came on, “Fabulous” John McChesney was in the ring dressed as Sabu. It was a tribute to his partner, as the duo will face M-Dogg and Teddy Hart in the finals of the OWL tag team title tournament on Show No. 4 in Cincinnati.

He even had “FABU” on the seat of his pants.


Match 3. “Fabulous” John McChesney pinned Xavier with a triple-jump moonsault.


After the match, the 350-pound “Notorious” Shane Taylor hugged McChesney, but then turned on him with a clothesline! He delivered two big splashes to his former ally and ripped off his Sabu outfit before tossing him over the top rope.

Then, black confetti began to rain from the ceiling. Shane Taylor took off his sweatshirt to reveal a T-shirt that read: THE CONGREGATION.

Also raining from the ceiling were black flyers with white letters that read: YOUR POPE IS COMING!


Match 4: Joey Mercury pinned Sean “Val Venis” Morley after a superplex.

During intermission, ushers passed out whiteboards and Sharpie markers to the front-row fans. At the top of the whiteboard were the words “Gimmick Ideas” for the losers of…



The ring filled up with Steve Blackman, Kanyon, Alex “The Pug” Porteau, Gunner Scott, Jerry Lynn, Sean O’Haire, Virgil, “Beef Stew” Lou Marconi, and Kurrgan the Interrogator.

IWC talent coordinator Norm Connors got up on the apron, but before he could protest, the match got underway!

The final three in the ring were Blackman, Kanyon, and Virgil. Blackman was just about to dump Virgil when Kanyon flipped both men out of the ring.

Kanyon went to Connors to sign his OWL contract, but Connors replied, “Not so fast! I believe you won a contract on our last show. Right, MORTIS?”

“I’m not Mortis!” Kanyon said. “I mean, I was in WCW, but that wasn’t me who won the gimmick battle royale in Cincy! That’s why I came to the NON-gimmick battle royale! Someone stole my gimmick! ”

Then, the ring began to fill up with Mortises!

“He could be Mortis!” Kanyon said. “He could be Mortis! Even you could be Mortis, Norm!”

Connors handed the contract to Kanyon and ordered an ALL-MORTIS BATTLE ROYALE for Show No. 4 in Cincy. The winner must unmask before signing his contract, but he will be able to wrestle as himself or as Mortis, and he can team with as many Mortises as he likes.

Before the next match, Connors reminded fans that this was Chris Harris’ last chance to earn an OWL contract.


Match 7: In an extreme rules match, Ballz Mahoney pinned Chris Harris after three chairshots and a Nutcracker Suite.


When Harris recovered, the crowd sang “Hit the Road, Jack” before Raven came to the ring and dragged Harris backstage.

Before the main event, Norm Connors thanked the fans who drove up from Cincinnati for the show. The crowd exploded into a huge "BENGALS SUCK" chant.

Connors said the next show in Cincinnati will feature a 25-man leadership Rumble. Five teams will compete in a Royal Rumble match, with the five leaders coming out last. The winning team will earn the right to be the only official stable in the Ohio Wrestling League.

However, the team that holds the “Stable Contract” will occasionally have to defend it; in fact, the winning team will have to defend the contract on the next Cleveland show against The Congregation (which so far only includes Shane Taylor).


Match 8: OWL TITLE MATCH: John McChesney vs. Mike Quackenbush vs. Colt Cabana vs. Joey Mercury

The weakened McChesney was pinned after just three minutes after a Quackendriver 3. Quack continued his hot streak by hitting the Splash Mountain for the pin on Cabana.

Mercury, seeing where this was going, went to the retrieve the new OWL title belt on the timekeeper’s table. However, referee Tom Dunn grabbed the belt away and handed it to Norm Connors.

Mercury put his hands out and another title belt dropped out of the sky! He knocked out Quackenbush with the belt and scored the pin!

Color commentator Hot $hot Drew Lazario (who runs Wildcat Belts) climbed out of the OWL’s Nest commentary booth to celebrate with Mercury, whom he managed in Steel City Wrestling in the mid-90s in the Modelz Inc. stable.

Lazario called for the lights to be turned off, and the belt lit up, in the shape of an owl, with blinking eyes! When the lights came back on, the fans saw that the belt had already has been engraved with the name of the first Ohio Wrestling League Champion, Joey Mercury.


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