Jay Cutler Ushers In A New Era in Chicago Sports Diabetes

Who has the most inconsistent blood sugar in Chicago sports?  For the past three decades this one was a no-brainer.  Ask any Chicagoan and you’d receive the same response,  legendary Chicago Cubs third baseman Ron Santo.  Most Chicago sports fans can’t even remember a time when Santo didn’t dominate the world of diabetes.

That all changed yesterday when the Chicago Bears made a stunning move to acquire one of the most promising young diabetics in all of sports.  Talk radio buzzes with anticipation as Chicago welcomes the 25 year old that many believe can be a franchise diabetic.  Caller after caller echo the same joyous sentiments.  “Thank you Jerry Angelo, I never thought I’d see this day”.  Fans are so delirious with excitement you’d think the whole city was suffering from a pancreas that didn’t produce enough Insulin to control its blood sugar.

One Chicagoan isn’t joining in the celebration.  Ron Santo will now have to compete to hold his position as the Chicago sports figure whose glucose is least effectively moved from the bloodstream into muscle, fat, and liver cells, where it can be used as fuel. For years Santo has monopolized the diabetes circuit, to the tune of $50 million in personal gain. One particularly heartless bastard put it this way, “Ron Santo has made a living out of having diabetes. When you get past the amputations you see a man who craves the limelight of walk-a-thons and low-budget biography films.”  Many wonder how much longer the 69 year old Santo can hang onto his crown.

Jay Cutler is still an inexperienced diabetic who is likely years away from seriously challenging the seasoned veteran Santo’s throne.  Santo has 38+ years of experience as a diabetic, while Cutler was diagnosed only a year ago.  Even the most optimistic fans don’t expect Cutler to make an immediate impact, but given time, most believe he will revolutionize diabetes in Chicago forever.