Arsenal Charged For Tapping Up, While Chelski Fire Kenyon and Reveal Major Coup

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Arsenal Charged For Tapping Up, While Chelski Fire Kenyon and Reveal Major Coup
(Photo by Shaun Botterill/Getty Images)

Arsenal have been charged by the FA for tapping up two players.

It has been revealed that the players in question are Aston Villa's Gabriel Agbonlahor and Everton's Joleon Lescott.

The matter is particularly embarrassing for the self proclaimed European paragons of virtue, who take pride in doing things above board.

Pat Rice, Arsene Wenger's assistant and one of the longest servants of the club, was left trying to explain and defend the club's approach.

Rice said: "Arsenal have never and will never be a club that taps up or illegally approaches a player it wants."

This assertion was quickly countered by Southampton on their website, where it stated: "We found it rather two faced that Arsenal can act so high and mighty about the whole saga.

"Southampton are not in the least bit surprised about this, after all, this is exactly how they managed to convinced Theo Walcott to join their set up."

For Arsenal this is a real blow, especially if one considers their outrage at the manner in which Cashley Cole left them.

Their denials were not helped by the two players in question who, in a moment of outrageous schizophrenia, stated: "To be tapped by a team of Arsenal's stature is flattering. Not too many players have the pleasure of being wanted by such clubs, even if the approach is illegal."

Exactly who said this is not immediately clear, though Lescott was heard saying: "Personally I would not mind being "tapped up" by Arsenal, they are a massive club."

It was rather comical then, that in an effort to defend Arsenal, Chief Executive of Chelsea, Kenyon said: "I don't believe that one can associate such a deed with a traditional club like Arsenal. Even when I was at Man Utd, it was only us and Chelsea experimenting in the dark art of tapping up."

Clearly loving the sound of his voice, he continued: "If indeed they did that, which I doubt, the Arsenal board know my number and I could have gladly helped, as I was legitimately elected the Chairman of TIF (Tapping Industry Forum)."

No sooner had the Chelski Executive said this, he was immediately relieved of his duties, and was replaced by Vladimir Putin.

The board released a statement saying "Roman and Mr Putin have known each other for a long time and Mr Putin is eager to help his friend in any way he can."

Mr Putin stated "I have known "Dolly-Boy" (reference to the days when he was selling rubber ducks) since his youth and my experience in negotiations and getting things my way will prove invaluable to my ambitions of annexing the team from my good friend, no?"

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