Vikings Coach Brad Childress Must Be A Spy For Another Team

Adrian MossCorrespondent IApril 2, 2009

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know now that Jay Cutler is headed to the Chicago Bears. Did the Bears give up too much to get him? Maybe. Do I despise Brad Childress (a.k.a. The BTK Killer) even more? Absolutely.

If you listen to the rumors going around, you know that the Vikings could have had Jay Cutler, but supposedly the “coaching staff” wasn’t sold on him. By the coaching staff, I’m going to guess Brad Childress, because among the coaches, he has the final say.

Obviously, we will probably never get confirmation on this, because the Vikings organization isn’t going to come out and say Childress didn’t want him. If they did that, every Vikings fan with a brain may want to confuse him for a deer in the woods during hunting season.

I’ve never played nor coached pro football, but as far as I know, the goal is to improve your team in the offseason. Matt Birk, who was a staple on the offensive line, left because of Childress, and Darren Sharper is gone now too.

So what has the team done to improve itself? They signed Sage Rosenfels at quarterback.

Good. That’s really good. I’m glad they went out of their way to get him, because I’m sure a bidding war was about to break out for his services.

Hello? Is this thing on? Isn’t Rosenfels' claim to fame doing his famous “Rosencopter” and losing a game?

So, I think Chilly is secretly employed by another team in the division and trying to sabotage the Vikings' chances at a Super Bowl.

Here’s a quick test to find out (choose the best answer):

Who would you rather have as your starting quarterback?

A. A guy who can’t make a throw when it counts.

B. A guy whose been a backup quarterback pretty much all of his career.

C. A guy who is 25 years old, threw for 4,500 yards, and made the Pro Bowl.

Childress picked two of the answers and still didn’t get the question right. It's confirmation that he, in fact, works for another team.

It’s going to be awesome next year when the Vikings and Bears meet and Cutler carves up the Viking secondary while T-Jack throws for three interceptions and the Vikings lose by 20.

Good thing they only have to play them once next year. Oh, it's twice? Maybe Rosenfels can play in one of the games and do his sweet helicopter move.

Does anyone have a crystal ball or know a psychic? I know the economy has been bad, and I also know a couple of people who will be looking for work in January. I don’t want to say their names, but they rhyme with Vlad Mildress and Jarvaris Tackson.