The Slipstream: Snooty Squirrel, F1's Answer To NASCAR's Digger The Gopher

Geoffrey HuntonCorrespondent IApril 1, 2009

Welcome back to another edition of the Slipstream. Well that was a wild one on Oz wasn't it?  I know some out there are ready to hand Brawn GP the WCC and let the two drivers settle the WDC over a game of Mario Cart Wii but we've got one heck of a long way to go and we've just started what should be an amazing season.

This week's edition of the Slipstream throws down the gauntlet between Formula One and NASCAR in a way that might get the whole family involved, gentlemen take your corners, pick your side because the epic clash of Snooty Squirrel, the jet setting rodent and Digger, the hootin and hollering gopher is about to begin.

This conflict begins at the start of the last NASCAR season with the debut of the "Gopher camera", which is a very elaborate ground level camera that is used to show a different angle of the cars while they are in the corners. 

Some marketing genius at FOX decided to hold a contest to name the mascot, and thus Digger the Gopher was born. As the season continued, the talking heads at FOX gave the creature more than the normal amount of coverage, acting almost like Digger was a part of their broadcast crew. 

Normally a cartoon gopher could match wits with the likes of Larry MacReynolds and Jeff Hammond, but FOX decided that once their coverage of NASCAR ended that Digger would be back in 2009 bigger and better than ever.

With FOX being FOX, they followed up on their promise in spades. Instead of cutting down on commercial breaks, improving their presentation, or dismissing Larry Mac or Hammond from their staff they spent money and time formulating "The Adventures of Digger and Friends", a 5-10 minute CGI show based on the mis-adventures of Digger and his whole crew (Uncle Marbles, and associates). This show comes complete with honky tonk intro and closing.

Normally this wouldn't warrant Slipstream space, but a few weeks ago Digger's "lady friend" met up with a French cousin of his that professed that F1 was better. Since FOX has yet to come out with anything totally original in years, they had to borrow off of the performance of Sasha Cohen's portrayal of a F1 driver in "Tallageda Nights". 

So in the spirit of April Fool's, I proudly present Snooty Squirrel, the FIA's latest PR weapon in the war against bad press and relations to the "common fan". Now in the view of NASCAR's rodent, Snooty would best embody how NASCAR views F1 and their fans (an elitist sport with snobbish fans and the 2nd best racing series next to NASCAR).

So Snooty would have to live on Lake Constance in Switzerland for the summer, and then heading down to his flat in Monaco via private yacht to the Principality of Monaco for the winter season. 

With the FIA trying to cut costs and maximize ever Euro US Dollars are so 20th century) Snooty would only appear where he could garner the most exposure per television minute. That means he would be super imposed beneath the podium during trophy ceremonies, and he would have a seat next to the winning drivers, with Peter Windsor asking Snooty what "he" thought of the race.

Catering to the F1 fan, Snooty would be fluent in several languages,making him able to relate to every citizen in the nation's that F1 visits.  For instance, while in Japan, Snooty was seen conversing with ASIMO, Honda's robotic mascot.  Rumors have it that he even hung out with that robot Toyota makes that can play the trumpet as well.

So there you have it, Berine's answer to the cartoon entity known as Digger.  Please feel free to comment but make note that this article is satire. I do have to voice my outrage with SPEED Channel and Charter Cable Company. 

During last week's GP and with the 12 Hours of Sebring, the lack of car audio has become somewhat of an annoyance.  I am content with just seeing the race, but hearing Bob Varsha swallow water and breathe on the mic over the course of a GP is just too much. 

With rain rumored in Sepang, we are sure to be in for a wild show. Stay tuned for future editions of the cyclone of cyncism, stay tuned to the Slipstream and thanks for reading.

See you in Sepang!!