The Best D@*# Sports Month of the Year Is...

So, is hockey really a game? I mean, doesn’t there have to be more to a sport than fighting for it to qualify as a game? But I digress…

Now that I’ve succeeded in making all the hockey fans as mad as the players who are constantly trading round house punches (come to think of it, I might actually make a good hockey player considering I’m 6’1” and 250 pounds. After all, skating and scoring are optional since fighting is the real prerequisite for that pseudo-sport), maybe I can actually convince them to consider switching their sports-allegiance to a sport that… shall we say, involves less violent beat downs of opponents.

But again, I digress.

Since we’ve eliminated hockey from the equation, I guess we can safely eliminate the NHL playoffs from contention, but that still leaves us with a quintillion other fabulous sporting events in the month of April.

There, I said it! April is without a doubt, hands down, the best sports month of the year. There’s a sampling for every lunatic fan that lives vicariously through their favorite teams and players.

In April, the golf aficionados can look forward to Tiger mauling the competition in the Masters. We can even speculate as to what last year's champion will order for dinner, while praying fervently that they’ll consider changing the winner’s jacket from that pukey green color to something a tad trendier.

In April, NCAA basketball fans get to flush their hard earned cash down the toilet, as they participate in asinine “Final Four” bracket (or is it racket?) building, in a feeble attempt to demonstrate their knowledge of the sport. Invariably, most of them simply guess, gamble, and lose.

In April, baseball fans are treated to the emergence from hibernation of America’s erstwhile pastime, when we get to see aging, pot-bellied, athletes (and I use the word loosely), abuzz on steroids, trying to take on their younger, more agile counterparts as they chase each other from base to base, all in an attempt to get to something called the World Series (I’ve always been mystified by this name since only the USA, and not the whole world participates, but what do I know?).

In April, NBA basketball fans get to see Kobe, Lebron, Dwayne, and an aging Shaq all contend for the championship! The added bonus is we might even get to see a couple of them play in the NBA playoffs and ultimately compete for the NBA Championship while they’re at it.

In April, rabid football fans get to design complicated draft schemes, as they project who will fall to which team in the NFL draft. Many ingenious fans, who’ve begged the time off for sick leave, head out to New York and don’t hesitate to show their faces on TV as they cheer or boo their teams’ selections.

So, what’s not to love about April? I mean, we even get to switch channels from the NHL playoffs and watch paint dry on the "gizmo" channel.

Hey if hockey is classified as a sport then so is painting. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!