Sports Fan Laws: Break 'em and Lose Your Fanhood

Joe D.Analyst IMarch 28, 2009

NEW YORK - FEBRUARY 25:  Paul Greenwood of WG Trading Co., a broker- dealer based in Greenwich, Connecticut, leaves Federal Court in Lower Manhattan February 25, 2009 in New York City. Greenwood and partner Stephen Walsh are accused of operating a $550 million securities fraud scheme. (Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images)

Throughout my stay at Bleacher Report, my whole "theme" is usually dedicated to examining the relationship between the fans and their teams.  I've developed personality traits, anecdotes, and even referring to a stadium as a "second home." 

But there's only so much we notice.  I've been away from BR for a while (this is only my second article in a few months) but I've noticed several things while I was away from this site.

These are the "What Not To Do" as a sports fan rules, and doing any of these actions will result in the stripping of fanhood (after a fair trial).

Fitted Hat Rule:
This is more of a generational thing, but everyone from James Knox Polk to an octuplet has seen this violation.

With more and more of these "crazy" kids (myself included...sort of...just read on) buying these hats, this law needs to be created.

From this point on, no serious fan will be allowed to wear a team hat that's not of their own team.  I've constantly seen Phillies fans rocking Braves lids and I'm actually pretty offended.

A new favorite of mine was seeing a Phillies hat with the New York Mets styled font. I'm still debating if that's a violation of anything.

Fantasy Sports
The one gray area for me involving real sports and my fantasy squads is how to root for them when they face my teams.  Regardless of how much money you may win from now on, you cannot celebrate an opposing player's accomplishments for the sole fact that it gives you six points.

This rule is set in stone for Jets fans who have Tom Brady or Randy Moss or any other rivalry buster. This rule can be overturned if a truly amazing play has occurred that causes you to gasp.

It can also be overturned if your real team is dominating by a total of three possessions or more in football, non-close situations in baseball, over two goal deficits in the NHL or six possession leads in basketball.

Giving Up The Season
Regardless of how bad your team is, even if they are in contention to draft Joe Montana or Stephen Strasburg, you can never root for your team to tank it.

Sure getting the No. 1 pick definitely has its perks so it's not a total strip of the fanhood. But you'll lead a double-agent life. You have sinned against your team and must suffer through having that "rooting against your team" on your conscience.  Consequences of such nature can and probably will be blamed on you. 

Abandoning Teams and/or Players
This is where it gets tricky to deduct punishments. Seattle Sonics fans lost their team but it still lives on in Oklahoma City Thunder colors. Now what is a fan to do in a situation where a team abandons their home city? There are a multitude of options that include:

  1. Continue rooting for the departed team.
  2. Secondary teams can be pursued but should be limited to closest (unless it's a rival to your ex) in proximity, an ex-favorite coaches/player's new haunting grounds (unless it's a rival to your ex) or a team that was local in your childhood.
  3. Abandoning the sport is feasible and you will be admitted back if your city gets its team back.

Same goes with players that you loved and dedicated your time to by acquiring merchandise or reaching to draft them in fantasy drafts; only to see the front office turn its back on them.

If they are that "special" player that leaves in their prime to an opposing team, they are allowed to be your secondary team.  However you only have one offseason to make this acquisition or a day if it's an in-season one (sorry). 

Questioning the Fanhood of Others
Yes, this is a bit of a play on the espn360 commercial that dwells into this topic. If you are in a group of friends and one of the friends doesn't know that a game is on you are allowed to question their fanhood. 

There has to be a group discussion as questioning the fanhood has its consequences, it is almost like doubting someone's love of their family or dogs. A formal questioning is needed with at least two other friends present and then you can discuss pressing charges.  The questioning needs to bring up the following statements:

  • Explanation on why they weren't attending the game (or gathering)
  • Explanation on how they could miss something
  • If they didn't know a game is on, a one-on-one deep conversation is needed.

Once that is done, the questioned fan needs to know that he is endanger of losing his fanhood.  However if they prove you all wrong and has overthrown you all, you are in jeopardy of getting the tides to turn on you.

If they prove you right, no matter what they do they aren't a true fan anymore. They can comeback only if they astound you all or win a bet that results in the reversal. But no matter what they do, you are allowed to not take them seriously.

This is severely impacted if you only have one friend.

If you have your own rules, feel free to add them.