There seem to be more ridiculous transfer rumours about Manchester United than almost any club on the planet. Hardly surprising with a global following of 660 million fans.
Manchester United sell newspapers and generate clicks. Sir Alex doesn't even bother to comment on 99 percent of them, although he has denied that Nani is going anywhere in the last couple of days.
Whether or not you believe Sir Alex will not make any significant signings this January, this is one of the daftest ones that's been floated over the last couple of months.
OK, so Brede Hangeland embarrassed United a couple of years ago when Fulham came back from the dead to nick a win. But frankly, Per Mertesacker would be a better bet and he's slow, too.
The 6'13" Fulham centre-back is in the last year of his contract and no doubt his agent wants one last big deal. But Rio Ferdinand will still be a better bet in a year's time than the lanky Norwegian.
And his isn't the most ridiculous rumour we've seen in the last few months. Even though Sir Alex stated unequivocally in the match-day programme for West Brom that there won't be any big signings, the flow continues unabated.
After all, what's going to make the headlines otherwise? Joe Cole to QPR?
Anyhow, here is a small selection to which you can add your own suggestions. The difference is that you have a licence to make them up, which we never do on here.