Concerns for Pat Summitt, As Spoken From Her Rival: The Raccoon!

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Concerns for Pat Summitt, As Spoken From Her Rival: The Raccoon!
(Photo by David Cannon/Getty Images)

Hey, how you doing?

I have a story to tell, and I'm glad to had lived to to tell you about it.

I was walking around one day, looking for some food, when I came across this human household. Humans squander food all the time, so I figured, "Hey, what the Hell! Let me look around the garbage can and see what they left for me."

Well, just as I start running along the deck, this mutt comes around the corner and says to me, "Get away from our garbage, you coon!"

I answered back, "Coon? What are you? A racist?"

The dog answers back, "No! I'm calling you a coon because you're a raccoon!"

I responded back with, "Oh! So we're politically correct are we? Well, in that case, you shouldn't be offended if I were to call you a son of a bitch!!!"

He says back, "Are you talking to me!!! ARE YOU TALKING TO ME!!!"

I'd answered, "Who else am I talking to? You're the only one here that has a bitch for a mother!"

So we're about to go at it; ready to exchange paws and let the fur fly, when this woman comes out with a stick, swinging at me. I said, "Lady, this isn't your fight!!!"

But then I'd recognized her; she's Pat Summitt, basketball's all-time winningest coach. I was a little intimidated, but I was determined to stand my ground

I'd said to her, "Look, all I wanted is a couple of scraps and go, OK?" She'd swung at me again; so then I'd said, "Oh, so that's how it is??? Let's do this!!!"

I'd lunged at her; she tripped and fell down. She looked hurt; I think she'd messed up her shoulder. Anyhow, I had her where I'd wanted her, so I started talking trash. "Hey, Miss Tennessee!!!" I'd said, "Do you think you're going to get as many wins this season, as you'll get needles in your belly, after I bite you?"

But I'd spoken too soon. She'd swung one more time and she'd nailed me right on the head. My head was spinning, and I fell off the deck. Meanwhile, the dog was coming at me as well. Retreat was my only option; so I ran like hell!!!

That was a close one; I was lucky to have enough sense to realize who I was up against.

Fourteen-time SEC Champions (1980, 1985, 1990, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2007)

Thirteen-time SEC Tournament Champions (1980, 1985, 1988, 1989, 1992, 1994, 1996, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2005, 2006, 2008)

Seven-time SEC Coach of the Year (1983, 1995, 1998, 2001, 2003, 2007)

Seven-time NCAA Coach of the Year (1983, 1987, 1989, 1994, 1995, 1998, 2004)

Eight-time NCAA Champions (1987, 1989, 1991, 1996, 1997, 1998, 2007, 2008)

Man, she was a fighter that day; perhaps that's the reason why her teams were that good. She's the coaching profession's perfect combination of brains and brawn; she thinks tough and she is tough.

So where am I tonight? Sitting on someone else's garbage can, eating a leftover slice of pizza, while wondering if Pat had lost it.

She had her team practicing just days after losing to Ball State in the NCAA Women's tourney. Maybe the stress had gotten to her; after all of those years of success, did the game finally pass by her?

No, I think that she'd forgotten to stop and smell the roses; to understand that if you stay in coaching for too long, seasons like this past one will become inevitable; you will ultimately have a very crappy season, or two and maybe even more.

Pat Summitt is the real deal. She is pound-for-pound one of the greatest coaches that had ever lived; if not the greatest. She has secured a positive legacy for herself; I just hope she hasn't tarnish it with some act of aggression that will have everyone questioning her sanity.

I just hope and pray that she can get over it and move on. She's too strong of a lady to go "Bob Knight" on the Tennessee fans; trust me, I know.

All that I personally ask of her is one thing...

TELL THAT MUTT SHE OWNS TO LEAVE ME ALONE!!! ONE WOMAN'S TRASH IS ANOTHER RACCOON'S TREASURE!!! I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF THAT LAST PIECE OF DAY OLD SOUTHERN FRIED CHICKEN!!!

That's my two cents.

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