[Spoof] Cristiano Ronaldo To Leave: Cites Fan Disapproval For Final Decision

Aaron WestContributor IMarch 26, 2009

LONDON - MARCH 21:  Cristiano Ronaldo and Ryan Giggs of Manchester United discuss tactics during the Barclays Premier League match between Fulham and Manchester United at Craven Cottage on March 21, 2009 in London, England.  (Photo by Ryan Pierse/Getty Images)

Reuters

Thursday March 26 2009

Cristiano Ronaldo announced his intention to leave Manchester United for Real Madrid in a press conference earlier this morning.  Despite earlier links to the legendary Spanish club, Ronaldo finally confirmed that he will be leaving the Red Devils in the summer, citing a "dirty look" from an elderly woman on the street as the final straw.

Speaking in Portuguese, the clearly distraught star rushed through his statement, barely holding back tears. 

"I was just walking down the street with my mate Nani, holding a few shopping bags, when I bumped into an old woman walking the other way.  I said a few choice words to her, and she gave me a dirty look. 

"I have been very loyal to the Manchester United club and its fans, but I cannot take this abuse any longer.  I have decided to request a transfer to Real Madrid this summer."

This news comes as no surprise to many fans of world football, as the Real Madrid-Cristiano Ronaldo saga has continued for over a year. 

Previous attempts by the Portuguese star to force a move included a doctor's note stating a severe allergy to prawn sandwiches, extreme psychological issues with red-headed centre midfielders, and most recently, a lack of a very rare and expensive brand of hair gel only found in Madrid.

Sir Alex Ferguson and the Manchester United staff could not be reached for comment.

(Reporting by Aaron West/Editing by Aaron West)

 

*Disclaimer: This article is a joke, and in no way affiliated with Reuters.  Please do not sue me.