Wrestlemania 25 (Part I): Why Wrestlemania 25 Won't Be Very Memorable

Sulayman H.Senior Writer IMarch 24, 2009

Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages

Welcome to the grandest stage of them of all, the pinnacle of sports entertainment, welcome to WRESTLEMANIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Wrestlemania is less than two weeks away, and this is going to be perhaps the biggest event to ever take place in wrestling history!

25 years of tradition continue and on the biggest night of every wrestling year, superstars showcase their ability and shine in the spotlight.

Frankly speaking, what the World Cup is to FIFA and all of its soccer fans and what the Superbowl is to all footballers is WRESTLEMANIA to all wrestling fanatics out there.

But can we say that all of them have been memorable?

Can't we say some of the Wrestlemanias sucked? Before you raise the People's brow and tell me to know my role and shut my PC down, take a look at all the Wrestlemanias that have passed us by.

I won't talk about them since Vince may be watching, but I will talk about why the "the imaginary 25th ANNIVERSARY" might be memorable and why it may not be.


Intercontinental Champion JBL vs. Rey Mysterio

Yes, sure Bradshaw history may be made indeed when you receive the award for worst worked match in the history of sports entertainment.

I don't mind Rey Rey being in the spotlight since his spectacular performance in the chamber at No Way Out. JBL seems to be retiring this year, and in a bit of irony it seems that they may be looking to have Mysterio retire him again.

Snorefest, if nothing else maybe just maybe Rey carries JBL through the entire match to provide a tolerable bout.


25-Diva Battle Royal

To find out who will be crowned Ms. Wrestlemania, we are going to have 25 beauties in the ring doing their stuff and putting on a show for fans and men alike.

Please, if they want to make this atleast of a little significance they shouldn't have any celebs in this match. Snoop Dogg maybe an amazing performer, but he don't run this. I for one highly doubt this title of Ms. Wrestlemania will stick for long, dumb idea in my honest opinion.

"Greatest Diva of all Time" would have been a better choice. There is only Mr. WM.


Money in the Bank

Last year, I thought MVP was finally getting the push he deserves but...Punk wins, Punk wins, Punk wins! (wooo yipeee, I'm so happy...not) Nothing against CM Punk though.

Christian also has a chance in hell to win this thing, I was suprised to see Mark Henry qualify but I figured he would give Kane a boost to grab the briefcase..oh wait that would just create a huge hole in the ring.

I guess I'm not too enthusiastic about it. Expect shockwaves to run through your veins as once again Vince and his people shock the socks off us all (for better [MVP] or for worse [Mark Henry])


WWE Tag Team Champions vs. World Tag Team Champions (Unified Tag Team Championship Match)

If there is any gray matter left in that thick skull of yours (here's looking at Vince) you will give both titles to Miz and Morrison.

They deserve it as they have been the only worthwhile tag team in these few years. At the grandest stage of them all, let them make history.

Carlito and Primo need to dominate this match if they want to be taken seriously or otherwise become the butt of everyone's jokes.

Don't just spit in people's faces, back it up in the ring and for Godsakes get a haircut, you could hide a foreign object in that thing. Expect Miz and Morrison to make history as they go to WM 25 wearing one belt and come out with two.

I'm not really sure what the Bella Twins have to do with this feud but in all seriousness women are not objects to be traded back and forth!


Chris Jericho vs. Legends w/Ric Flair and Mickey Rourke

This match was going to be a platform for one last hurrah of perhaps Stone Cold or Hulk Hogan.

But after weeks of interesting promos, we get three senior citizens in the ring with Chris Jerko who by the way gets heat because he calls the fans hypocrites although they are.

So in closing, I would like to say this is going to beat JBL vs. Rey Mysterio for the worst worked match in not only history of sports entertainment, but the worst display of athleticism in the world.

And after this match, the respect for the legends, the hate for Chris Jericho will never, evaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar be the same AGAIN!


Next up..finally the Rock

Oh wait, no its not Dwayne, its the Rock-Basher, the Big Slow and the PG-Rated Superstar in a Triple Threat (threat: pfft!!) match for the World Heavyweight Hot Cake Championship


World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. John Cena vs. Big Show (Triple Threat Match)

Where do I start with this match, is it the god-awful love triangle that wants me to shoot myself in the mouth and have my suicide note blaming the creative team of WWE.

The awful Big Show will amount to be as exciting as a bag of sand, John Cena plays no part whatsoever in the build-up to this feud, and the Master Manipulator has been screwed by being thrown into creative prison.

Was it that the team came to Edge and said: "Adam, its time to dive in the crap, take one for the team *wink*"

A love triangle may be tolerable, but and this is a big BUT this one revolves around Ickie Guerrero. Nothing could be so stupid and disgusting to do.

John Cena's one-dimensional character doesn't help its chances. Actually, why is he in this match? Even when he told on Vickie, he's still in.

And by the looks of things on MNR, anyone who hasn't seen the lineup will say the match is Big Slow vs. Edge. I guess Egomania still has back problems, brother!

Stay tuned for the sequel to this article, next time with less sarcasm!


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