Minnesota Twins: Ron Gardenhire's Wit and Wisdom
There's no way around it. Minnesota Twins manager Ron Gardenhire is a divisive personality. You either love him or you hate him.
However, give the devil (if that's the way you prefer to view him) his due, Gardenhire has a way with words.
While not quite the off-the-cuff wordsmith that Casey Stengel was, Gardenhire has generated several memorable quotes, some of the them of the shot-yourself-in-the-foot variety and others that are genuinely side-splitting.
The one which tops this list deserves inclusion in the Top 100 Baseball Quotes of All-Time.
10. Pure Stengelese
Facing elimination in the 2004 American Legion Division Series against the New York Yankees: "So we have been there, and it's not all these guys that were on that team either, but we have been there, and it can be done, and that's what you have to explain to these guys. That's what we talked about. We have been there before. It can be done. You have to go out and win one game today, and then you worry about the next one."
9. A primer on statistics
On the relative merits of Jim Thome and Doug Mientkiewicz: "Jim Thome hits 30 or 40 home runs and drives in 130 runs, and Doug Mientkiewicz drives in 60 or 70 runs. But Doug Mientkiewicz saves us about 40 or 50 runs a year defensively, by making plays and saving our other infielders. So I add that up to about 110 runs. And then Thome, we all know, is not the defensive player you like to see over there. He might cost his team 30 runs. So take away his 30, and add 40 to Dougie, and we got even."
8. In praise of a famous young man
After a long home run struck by Justin Morneau off Kelvim Escobar: "That would be lift and separate, turning the fan on. Get yourself a piece of cheese. Everything Frank Howard would say, he did on that pitch right there. That's getting the No. 1 and putting the whistle on it."
7. Righteous indignation
Following his ejection by umpire Hunter Wendelstedt from a 2005 game: "He bounced me from the dugout. The pitch was high. That's all I said, and he threw me out of the game. And then he tell me all I wanted was showtime. He can kiss (expletive)."
6. History lesson
On his 2009 team's youth: "Most of them don't even know who Elvis was."
5. In all modesty
After observing new acquisition Livan Hernandez wearing diamond earrings on the field during the first day of spring training: "We don't wear bling-blings on the field."
4. What might have been
About the impact of injuries on his career: "If they ever dig up Shea, they'll find my hamstrings in the rubble."
3. On second thought
After he learned that Atlanta's Chipper Jones named his son Shea because he hits so well in New York: "I should have named my kid Tidewater."
2. A slight dig
On how bench coach Steve Liddle saved the day after the Twins got an early-morning wakeup call in Kansas City because of a tornado warning in 2004: "He just took a bag of our bats and put them in the window. He knew nothing would hit it."
1. Summing it up perfectly
1. Describing his Major League career: "I was what you call a futility infielder."
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