Alex Rodriguez: A Whole Lotta Yankee Panky Going On (Humor)

Joseph JoveContributor IMarch 23, 2009

Lets get a little silly...seems like our stud in the lineup has been doing the Yankee Panky all over town.

Seems to me that A-ROD has been playing the field on other star-studded lineups. One of A-Rod's "teammates" was recently spotted on a police lineup.

As a matter of a fact, I see no need to proceed with changing the man's name like A-FRAUD or A-HOLE. I believe A-ROD will do just fine, because the man is such A-ROD.

I mean, from slobbering all over himself in the mirror. The aroused bathroom attendant said that he must have rushed him three or four towels at a time during that provocative one on himself love fest.

The attendant who earlier was ranting uncontrollably "Allah is great," "Allah is great " was quoted as saying: "they had to bring in the Jaws Of Life to separate him from the mirror ," and "I thought there was going to be trouble, but he quickly un-sucked himself from the mirror.

"These sexual escapades that he's been having with his own reflection have been very embarrassing, to say the very least, " says Pee Wee Herman, who was quoted outside of the Manly Theater.

Later that evening, outside A-ROD's front porch, in an act of unselfishness, ex-president Clinton drops by in his long limo, along with Paris Hilton and the Pussycat Dolls. Old Bill sticks his head through the moon roof and says, "hey, wanna join the party. I got mirrors on the ceiling"

As soon as you think things could not possibly get any worse for this marvel of the media, it does.

Kristen Davis, ex-escort service madame was just quoted as saying "A-ROD booked dates with my service."

This Davis woman also provided Eliot Spitzer with his daily spanking ritual. She said "Eliot liked his spanking with some ooomft on it." She added "you would have to go way up high before coming down real hard to convince little Eliot that you know how to paddle."

I believe A-ROD has not learned a single thing from his shortstop, Derek Jeter, who could have tought A-ROD a thing or two about having fun on the down-low.

So now I find myself with trying to imagine what was the scenario in that hotel room while Spitzer and A-ROD waited for the ladies of the evening.

In one corner of the hotel room I see A-ROD, slowly glancing over to the mirror on the wall and gently blinking with one eye, while blowing sweet decedent kisses to the apple of his other eye, himself.

A-ROD, overcome with emotion, then releases his inhibitions and begins to sing feverishly to the lyrics of the song "For Your Eyes Only."

While A-ROD is making a spectacle of himself, on the other end of this Alice in Wonderland Hotel room sits little Eliot, eagerly waiting for his crowned princesses to arrive.

As he begins to sharpen his pencils andcheck the batteries on his equipment, he, in a burst of sudden energy, realizes  his prized possessions, the paddles, have been left behind.

"Noooo!" Eliot yells with a thunderous roar that sent chills up the spine of the man in the mirror.

On a serious note:

Hey, A-ROD, you better be bringing your bat come the middle of May, son. All this bull that you're hauling is getting rather tiresome. All I'm saying is, I want to see thunder in your swing...or do I?

My name is Joseph Jove, and there is a whole lotta Yankee Panky going on.