The 25 Craziest Sports Items Available on Ebay
Is there any virtual space on Earth more eccentric, and useful, than eBay? Before eBay pioneered the unwieldy online marketplace, the rare and unusual could only be found be those people passionate enough to go those swinger parties of capitalism—flea markets, antique expos and sports memorabilia/comic book stores.
Now mankind's unique, and sometimes highly profitable, trappings are available to anyone, anywhere, at any time. eBay taps into that very instinctual, raw fiber of humanity that turns people into compulsive gamblers: not only does it offer the possibility to buy almost anything at below market value, but you..yes you, can sell your garbage to other people. And someone may actually bid on it.
There are few categories on eBay that offer as much variety, intrigue and downright strange items than those of and about sports. From rare autographed jerseys to Steely McBeam pillows that make you feel dirty for reasons you can't quite pinpoint, eBay isn't lacking crazy sports...stuff...people want you to pay actual money for.
Take a shot. Call your special someone and tell them you love them. These are the 25 Craziest Sports Items Available on Ebay.
25. Lady Pool Player Aiming Cue Stick Eco Friendly Figurine
What two market segments obviously overlap? According to the way this bizarre figurine is pitched, weirdo affectionados of 'lady pool player[s]' and the environmentally conscious. The person I see in my head is a loner in his late 40s, with a salt-and-pepper ponytail, hemp sandals and an apartment decorated with Jeanette "Black Widow" Lee posters.
Even if such an untapped consumer exists, this product barely fits its description. First of all, this "gorgeous" figurine looks more like a young Shaun Cassidy holding a pipe than a woman with a cue stick. And despite the claim that it's "eco friendly[sic]" in the title, the description doesn't mention anything about how or why.
24. MOTORCYCLE BIKER EARRINGS Jewelry: DIRT BIKE: GREAT DETAIL!! Blue Enamel!
Are you a motocross groupie looking to gain an edge over the competition? Look no further than these "motorcycle biker earrings." You'll stand out from the crowd with these monstrosities dangling from your earlobes, and at the affordable price of $8.00 (including S&H), they're way cheaper than getting lower-back tattoo of Ryan Dungey's face.
As an added bonus, they're made from lead-free "Tibetan silver," which should compensate for all the gasoline emissions you've been sucking down in an effort to land a biker bad boy.
23. Heavy Duty Rubber Inner Tube for Truck
December probably isn't the most popular month in the U.S. for water sports, but it's never too soon to stock up on toys for the summer. After all, you usually get the best prices on out-of-season items. If you're in the market for used rubber tube with a dangerous piece of metal poking out on it, well then I've got exactly what you're looking for.
Check out this used dirty inner tube displayed on what looks to be plywood. The seller says that it may have some signs of cosmetic wear and tear, but is fully functional. And it can be yours for the low price of $19.99, plus $15.62 shipping and handling. Yep. Just over $35 for a dirty, used piece of rubber—and refunds are not accepted.
I did a little research online and found an inner tube on Walmart's website for just $15.98 and free shipping. It's got awesome handles, it's not used, there is not jagged metal jutting from it and you can feel free to return it if it doesn't suit your needs.
22. Cleveland Gladiators Team Pocket Schedule Inaugural Season Arena Football
You have to admire the people who tenaciously resurrect arena football franchises, especially anyone with the cojones to do it in Cleveland. Not only does a Cleveland AFL team have to compete with its NFL counterpart--the Browns (also resurrected in 1999)--but also with Ohio State and all the other college football teams in the region.
Well, Quicken Loans founder and Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert must have some giant ones, because he raised the Cleveland Gladiators from the ashes of the Las Vegas franchise.
Maybe he's on to something, because someone seems to believe that the team's inaugural season pocket schedule has value. I was just surprised to learn that it was published in the 21st century; and sponsored by a place called Discount Drug Mart.
21. BOWLING PIN-UP 1940s ~ SEXY LEGS / THIGHS / NYLONS / GARTERS ~ HIGH HEELS
When you spend a few hours exploring the dark corners of eBay, it becomes obvious that the site mildly intersects with the fetish industry. Nothing that wanders beyond PG territory, but the ickiness is certainly insinuated.
If this vintage poster has merely been advertised as, "OLD BOWLING PIN-UP 1940s", it would just be a goofy homage to an interesting cultural phenomenon from the World War II era. I mean, I don't know if bowling is the hottest of settings for a pin-up girl (and she clearly committed a foot fault), but nothing too strange.
However, the seller didn't stop there, they added, "SEXY LEGS / THIGHS / NYLONS / GARTERS ~ HIGH HEELS," which ensures that something harmless enough just got a whole lot weirder. I think going ALL CAPS is the universal language of weird.
20. Town House Cracker Box "Troy Aikman"
Oh boy, do I have an awesome deal for you! You give some eBay seller money for a special edition box of Town House crackers featuring Troy Aikman that's in immaculate condition. If you aren't sold yet, perhaps you'll change your mind if I tell you it's not Troy Aikman of the 1990's era Dallas Cowboys, but the one in the broadcast booth now.
If you're still not convinced, then prepare to have your mind blown. By "immaculate condition," I mean it's been opened and the crackers are gone--most likely eaten.
How in the world has this person's somewhat interesting garbage not sold??
19. INSTRUCTIONAL DVD and BOOK for MAKING OSAGE ORANGE BOWS
If ever see some dude erratically lurching around your neighborhood with what appears to be a Paleolithic-era bow and arrow:
1. Call 9-1-1.
2. Know they probably learned how to make the weapon from 'Al Herrin' and his instructional book/DVD set.
If you needed a reminder of how oddly specific a niche hobby can be, this is the eBay listing for you. Not surprisingly, this Osage bow-making kit is advertised in ALL CAPS and in the context of some nebulous, impending threat to you and your family.
I've got some advice for anyone who thinks a homemade bow is going to save you in the kind of nightmare scenario that warrants shooting arrows at people: save the $66 and buy a nice bottle of scotch. You'll be better served.
18. NFL Adjustable Fanny Pack UPick: Patriots, Cowboys, Giants, Jets
If you're a Jets, Cowboys, Giants or Patriots fan who's been dying to find the perfect accessory to your trusty pair of Zubaz pants, consider your problem solved. These Zubaz-friendly fanny packs will practically be invisible in the sea of zebra-stripes when securely strapped to your midsection.
Where do I begin? First of all, why are the fans of those four teams the only ones who have the privilege of sporting one of these bad boys? Secondly, what is it that makes them so fanny-pack friendly? If only I had access to data on the person-to-fanny-pack ratio for the cities of all 32 teams. I want answers.
Since I'm a citizen of Steelers Nation, I guess I'll have to keep hiding my flask in my bra.
17. 1962 DUAL FILTER TAREYTON CIGARETTES BASEBALL GUIDE & RECORD BOOK
Every generation is skeptical about the character—the mettle—of those that follow it. The decade when you came of age was filled with rich life experiences, vibrant culture, and a society built from good ol' solid oak. No generation does this with more tenacity than the Baby Boomers.
Who can blame them? They had one foot in post-war America and one in the era of Free Love.
However, what is often missing from the nostalgia is the fact it was a time when a few tobacco companies sold poison to people from crib to coffin, without consequence, and could basically bribe anyone to maintain the status quo.
Thus, you have a cigarette pack-person on the cover of a "baseball guide & record book" which is both informational and smooth.
16. Jose Canseco Sports Impressions Mini Collectors Plate
The seller should really do themselves a favor and tweet this listing to Jose Canseco himself, because he's probably the only one who would enjoy reliving his glory days with a souvenir plate.
It would be a sad, haunting sight: bloated, broke Jose Canseco sitting alone in room lit only by the fading late afternoon light, clutching this plate in silence.
I don't think I've ever known anyone who owned a "collectors" plate. I imagine that the world is divided between the vast majority of people who don't collect stuff like this and the exclusive club of those who do. So, whoever bought this wouldn't be treading new ground; it would simply be an addition to vast collection.
15. Michael Jordan Twin Space Jam Sheet
There are some amazing vintage themed children's bed sheets out there, including a set featuring NKOTB, which I had as a kid and would rock today if they were queen-sized. My boyfriend still talks about his Empire Strikes Back bed sheets.
What is the common thread that binds these pop-culture gems? They're based on something kids LOVED.
sucked is no classic or universally beloved entry into the canon of kitsche. It did fine at the theater, grossing around $90.4 million in the U.S., but no one is very few people are like, "Man, I love Space Jam." It's most famous for being the launching pad for R. Kelly's single "I Believe I Can Fly" and the first, and last, movie starring Michael Jordan.
These sheets perfectly encapsulate why Space Jam was a bad idea to begin with: Michael Jordan and the Looney Toons...it's awkward. I don't know if I could fall asleep with His Airness and Pepé Le Pew draped on my body. *Shudder*
UPDATE: Apparently, at least five people in the world have very strong feelings about Space Jam, and one them even owns these sheets. Yes, compared to Kazaam, it's a masterpiece. So, I softened my assessment (reluctantly).
14. ROGER MARIS Baseball Camel Cigarettes Retro Vintage HQ Fridge Magnet
Few images reinforce how much the role of the cigarette has changed in popular culture over the last 40 years, than a vintage ad like this one. Roger Maris, one of the greatest baseball players in history and a household name in his heyday, relaxing and smoking a Camel.
This refrigerator magnet would spontaneously combust if produced today. Could you imagine Peyton Manning, Tiger Woods or LeBron James in a cigarette ad like this? Even discussing the possibility would be controversial; actually doing it would be career suicide.
Roger Maris was an unwitting spokesman for lung cancer.
13. Hulk Hogan Autograph Napkin!!
I'm not so sure how hot the market is for Hulk Hogan memorabilia is right now, considering the headlines made by his sex tape focused more on rumors that it was a publicity stunt than on the man who "starred" in it. But, this isn't even something that symbolizes the greatest period of Hogan's career.
This autographed cocktail napkin doesn't capture the Hulkster at his best—as the king of the WWF—it seems more like the result of a celebrity trying to placate someone who's harassing him during one of his few precious moments of normalcy.
I bet while he was signing this napkin, Hogan was thinking: "Eric" is going to put this on eBay later.
Think about how sad this would look in a frame.
12. Mens Yellow STEELERS G-String Male Wedding Thong Lingerie Underwear
Know a Steelers fan who is panicking because his wedding is just around the corner and he still hasn't found the perfect wedding thong? Either my idea of what basic elements are needed to pull off a successful wedding is way off, or the person selling this was raised by someone who adheres to the John Waters Philosophy of Life.
Unless you're named Matthew McConaughey or Channing Tatum, no man should wear a thong in any situation, much less a self-respecting Steelers fan on his wedding day. Though, the idea is growing on me even as I type this. Maybe it's the allure of the velvety red fabric behind the thong.
No...NO. This is just wrong.
11. MOUNTED LARGE MOUTH BASS 18.5" 4LB
You know what the American consumer loves? A product that symbolizes their own failure while highlighting the success of someone else; like a bowling trophy with some other person's name on it.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THIS MOUNTED FISH IS.
This is a dead fish another person caught and is trying to sell to you for $133.00 (as of 12/8/12) and rising apparently. Yes, it's mounted and pumped with chemicals so it won't rot, but unless you outright lie, the story behind it is, "it was super easy to catch with PayPal."
This is something Michael Scott buys, not real people. If you didn't catch it, spend that money on some super-pricey, prime filets of yellowfin tuna at the fish market. At least you can eat it and be honest about it.
10. Toilet Bathroom Mini Golf Mat Set Game Potty Putter Novelty Sitting
You know whats' more fun than putting? Putting one foot from the hole. And by fun, I mean why bother? In a world filled with literature of every variety, and WiFi, what would compel someone to buy a novelty that is guaranteed to get old, real fast, and..if you're a dude..make any girl you bring home get some very persuasive second thoughts about their decision.
Especially if it's been there awhile. Ew.
Also, why did the photo have to include a guy with his pants around his ankles and a dumb smile on his face? Is he actually pooping? Aaaaaahhhhh!
9. Expose Yourself to Ireland Bar Pub Celtic Funny Poster
So what does a man wearing rubber boots and a coat and exposing his naked genitals to a bunch of cows in a pasture have to do with sports? Well, I'm not entirely sure. But this poster was listed under Gaelic Sports on eBay, which means that it is technically sports related.
Surely you have someone in your life that enjoys cows, flashing and Irishmen—I have dozens in my life. So if you wanna score this poster for just $8, better put a rush on it because you're going to have to beat me to it. This baby has a date with my brother's wall.
8. BO JACKSON / GARFIELD the CAT Picture BOARD GAME CARD
When I found this on eBay, I had no idea what Picture Pursuit was, or why it featured Bo Jackson and Garfield the Cat. Honestly, after reading a little more about Picture Pursuit, the extent my understanding is that it was board game, and that it was made by the same company who produced Trivial Pursuit.
I'm not sure if my brain is capable of making sense of a young Bo Jackson juxtaposed with Garfield (who is in a...compromising...position). eBay is like a graveyard of bad ideas.
7. Wayne Gretzky 1999 New York Rangers Original Oil Painting (Hockey Puck Art)
Once upon a time, a friend gave me a hand-crafted, laminated Russell Crowe collage for Christmas. It was Gladiator-era Russell Crowe by the way—so, that gives you both an idea of when this was and why I would love it. It was adorable and hilarious, because it was purposefully cheesy and kind of weird. It was truly a great DIY gift, but hardly high art.
My point is that original artwork honoring celebrities is a terrible idea unless it's ironic. Especially, when it's being sold in the marketplace as something called "puck art" and the subject matter is a legend like Wayne Gretzky.
Ugh. Nothing is worse than when a painting of someone as recognizable as Gretzky is slightly...off. He looks like he just emerged from a shift in the coal mine and his human eyes were replaced by a Siberian Husky's.
There are better ways to waste $150, including buying a bunch of Gretzky DVD's.
6. RANDOLPH ROSE BRONZE GOLF CADDY STATUE with LIGHT 5' TALL
As if small ceramic or metal figurines weren't creepy enough, you can turn your life into a horror story with a life-sized statue like this one. Maybe you like golf. Maybe you love golf and feel that missing piece to complete your library renovation—along with all the mahogany and mallard duck artwork—is a bronze, turn-of-the-century teenage caddy.
Besides, that $6,000 is burning a hole in your pocket. Oh, and don't forget to add the actual cost of shipping the statue to your place of residence. The seller notes that the statue is really, really heavy (250 lbs), so it has to be shipped by truck in the most expensive way possible.
But, it will be well-worth the price once it's in your house..forever (no way that pay for it to move with you).
5. 3 PINK PANTHER Golf Club Covers/Headcover Owens Corning NWT
I'll admit, these Pink Panther golf club covers may be crazy, but I kind of love them. In fact, if I owned a set of clubs, I'd consider bidding on these myself. I'm sure I'd regret my decision once that thousand-yard stare was in the same room as me.
I bet freaky things happen to whoever owns these; things that no one else notices but you. So, even though you know that no matter how many times you turn the eyes away from you, moments later they're back staring at you, everyone else would think you're crazy.
That's probably why they're on eBay now; it's the only way to end the curse. A curse that will set you back at least $70.
Seriously, anyone who bought these would not only end up throwing a sheet over their clubs at home, but also being asked to leave the golf course for being "a distraction."
4. Tim Tebow Denver Broncos Jesus Jersey Christian Sports Art Painting
As soon as I began combining "Tebow" with different keywords on eBay I knew I was going down a rabbit hole from whence my sanity may never return. It was a risky move, but a necessary one. eBay brings together the two worst elements of Tebow Mania—hero-worship and blind greed—together in way that intrigues...and terrifies.
I knew, just knew, there would be all kinds of bizarre original Tim Tebow-inspired art for sell. It was so predictable. This was the most insane. Not the worst painting, but definitely the most insane.
Does the artist believe Tim Tebow is Jesus, or just on his team? Because if it's the latter, then the uniform is inaccurate. I think that Jesus would be capable of supplanting Mark Sanchez—if he wanted to.
Wait. I just blew my own mind.
3. LETTERHEAD FOOTBALL O J SIMPSON TREE SWEET ORANGE JUICE
Before I came across this listing, if someone asked, "What kind of letterhead would you send to your worst enemy?", there is at least a small chance I would have replied, "O.J. Simpson letterhead."
This has got to be one of the most intense, and odd, pieces of sports history. I realize that this O.J. "TreeSweet" (named after his own brand of orange juice) letterhead isn't worth much in terms of actual dollars, but it's jarring to look at.
I would LOVE to see what happened if someone used this for a cover letter in a job application.
2. NEW MENS LARGE FRANKLIN WRESTLING SINGLET JOCK JOCKSTRAP ATHLETIC SUPPORTER
"KOOL." More like "EW."
This is a listing that is so much more than a photo and some words, including 'cool' spelled with a 'k'. For some reason, I'm reminded of The Ring when I absorb this listing in its totality. I feel like it has a life of its own; like even if I never look at it again, it's going to find me.
It's "selling" a wrestling jock strap, but why does it seem like this is an experience as much as it is a product.
The listing reiterates—emphatically—that the underwear IS NOT used. Thou doth protest too much? Why sell it by showing this dude wearing it? And..what is up with his face? It's the color of a blood blister and as severe as Willem Dafoe's.
1. 1991 DONRUSS BOZO T. CLOWN ROOKIE CARD #793 WGN-TV TELEVISION SHORT PRINT!
OH DEAR LORD.
What boggles my mind isn't the fact someone is trying to sell this on eBay, it's that anyone ever thought it was a good idea to begin with.
"I'm just spitballin' here, but what do you think about printing a limited edition trading card with a clown staring menacingly while holding a baseball bat."
I'd never heard of Bozo until I was an adult, so my only experience was seeing a few minutes of a rerun on an obscure channel. I challenge those of you who watched it as a kid to peruse a few clips on YouTube now and dare tell him it isn't creepy at best.