As you were at second base, you realized you had a shot at an inside the park homerun. You were in a rush to cross home plate because you weren't sure if you were dealing with a rookie or a switch-hitter.
But before you could get to the seventh inning stretch, you were stopped by a rain delay. When it was all said and done you wound up getting a relief pitcher and bunting.
Sounds like a bunch of baseball jargon, right?
Translation: You were tongue kissing when you realized you had a shot at getting oral. You were in a rush to cross home plate because you weren't sure if you were dealing with a virgin or a bisexual.
But before you could get into some unusual positions, your parents came home. When it was all said and done, you wound up getting a vibrator and masturbating.
Baseball terms to describe sexual encounters are perfect. Whoever started the whole thing should be awarded a medal or have a building named after them or something.
It's such a simple concept and, sometimes, it makes describing sex easier for some people.
And the best part of the whole thing? It's become universal—when you tell someone you hit a home run last night, they'll probably catch your drift.
Remember back in middle school when baseball terms were used to describe how far you had gotten with a boy or girl that tickled your fancy?
The basic rules applied, and the terms were simple—first base, second base, third base and a home run, just the basic baseball terms.
But now, since the adolescent years have passed a lot more factors have been introduced into the sexual arena. The terms are better and much more detailed.
Back when the whole thing started, the basic terms were vague because there were only four choices.
First base just meant kissing, not necessarily tongue kissing, either.
When you made it to second base there was tongue kissing and above the belt fondling. And yes, clothes were still in the equation.
When you rounded third it usually meant that there was some below the belt exploring.
Obviously a home run was sex, in every case.
Now the terms are much more specific.
So you hit an inside the park home run? Yep, you gave or received oral sex.
Ground rule double? You would have had sex, but someone forgot the protection.
You got the bases loaded? You are in the midst of a threesome.
The terms make it easy, not awkward, and completely conversational to talk about even the most outrageous sexual happenings. Like when your woman brings in a relief pitcher—oh yes, she brought in the vibrator.
So next time that you're at a bar with the boys, makes sure that it is actually baseball you are talking about.
You never know when the references will come up. It will make eavesdropping a lot easier when you want to get some juicy details.
Now, go get your own perfect game—just hope there isn't a rain delay.
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