The Fourth Best Facial Hair in Soccer History

The mustache is the beard’s bastard cousin, and in my opinion it is one of the most unfortunate forms of facial hair ever. To create one, a man (or burly woman) must grow out the hair on the upper lip while keeping the rest of the face tidy.

Mustaches are still popular in the US among police officers. I wonder if that is why we call them “the fuzz”?

But, there is not just one type of mustache. There’s the prepubescent natural mustache, the bushy Hungarian mustache, the narrow English mustache, the curling imperial mustache, the surreal Dali mustache, as well as a ton of other variations, such as the fu manchu, the handlebar, the pencil-thin, the walrus, and, yes, even the Hitler.

I think he ruined that one for all-time though. You can see mine above, which is sort of just the traditional, typical mustache. So, which soccer player had the world’s greatest traditional ’stache? Well, it would be none other than Rudi Voller of Germany, who displayed one of greatest mustaches in world soccer history. 

His was no mere “milk mustache," it was a thing of beauty. He wore it when he scored 47 goals for the German National Team, as well as when he notched over 250 goals during his long professional career.

I believe he shaved it before he coached the German Nats to 2nd place in the 2002 World Cup. Maybe if he had kept his lucky charm, they would have won. 

Voller is known as “Auntie” in Germany because of his strange hairdo, but the Germans should have given him a nickname based on his majestic mustache. He was a great player and coach, and his soccer knowledge is really only exceeded by his lip’s former luxurious fur coat. Sure, his ’stache could not rival Tom Selleck’s of Magnum P.I.

But, then again, who’s really has?