The Hottest Bracket Around

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The Hottest Bracket Around

MIDWEST

1-Louisville
16- TBA

Not only will this be a blowout on the court, but it is a blowout in terms of girls as well.

 

8-Ohio St.
9-Siena

Sure, the unknown Siena will impress people with their on-court play, but with only 3,000 Saints on campus in Loudonville, N.Y., the players sure aren’t distracted by the ladies.

On the other hand, Ohio State offers over 52,000 students, equating to one Psychology 101 lecture hall on the Columbus campus having as many good-looking girls as the entire Siena campus.



5-Utah
12-Arizona

You make the call: toned, tan girls, or starch-white, snowboarding Mormons. That’s what I thought.



4-Wake Forest
13-Cleveland State

Sure, Wake Forest has the smallest enrollment for BCS football schools with 4,400, but still it’s in North Carolina. This means as long as they have one “7” on campus, it will be better than anything Cleveland has to offer.



6-West Virginia
11-Dayton

Even though it’s West Virginia, the school is annually in the top ten rankings for the best party school. I don’t know too many great party schools with ugly girls. Maybe the Daniel Boone look-a-like guys keep all the gross looking girls on the river banks and in the Appalachians.

I can’t disagree with this because the last thing you want to do is take one for the team, and mess around with a girl whose best attribute is her mom’s biscuits-and-gravy recipe. Plus Dayton is not a wanted school for many girls.



3-Kansas
14-North Dakota State

Lawrence, Kansas, doesn’t have much to offer other than Jayhawks’ sports and parties. And plus, would you really want to be with a girl who is a Bison?



7-Boston College
10-USC

This is a tougher one than most would think. Just like a 7/10 match-up on the court is hard, so is this decision. Sure, USC gets all the hype for having rich, good-looking Southern California girls, but that’s what the ABC cameras show you during football games

Yes, there are some very good looking girls, but one also has to deal with personality that comes from a rich family. Let’s not forget a student must have exceptional grades and SAT scores to get into the school.

USC also gets the pub it receives because of where it’s located: the women who aren’t enrolled in the school but still live in the area contribute to this idea of unbeatable girl quality.

Boston College can compete just as well and has girls who can get after it at parties as well. I’m taking USC solely based on the fact their top girls can compete with the top girls at any other school in the country.



2- Michigan State
15-Robert Morris

The female Spartans definitely can compete around the country. Even though they are bundled up for the winter, they are still very good-looking girls.

 

1-Louisville
8-Ohio State

I have to go with the Buckeyes just because of numbers. Sure, a lot of girls at a school equal more ugly ones, but there is plenty of talent to go around.

Yes, Louisville is located right next to Churchill Downs, and anyone who has seen the Kentucky Derby knows there is some unbelievable ladies with the big hats on. The catch is they aren’t Louisville students.

 

12-Arizona
4-Wake Forest

This one is a 30-point blowout in favor of the Wildcats.

 

6-West Virginia
3-Kansas
There are just way too many nasty ones for West Virginia to compete in this game.

10-USC
2-Michigan

Even though I stated the Trojans are overrated, they get an easy match-up to advance to the round of 16. The Big Ten just can’t hang with the Pac-10 girls.



8-Ohio St.
12-Arizona

As stated above, the Big Ten cannot hang with the Pac-10 girls.

 

3-Kansas
10-USC

USC’s top talent is way too much for Kansas to handle. Plus, one of the girl’s dads from USC could get you to be an extra in Entourage.

 

12-Arizona
10-USC

Even though they will probably be eliminated in the first round of the actual tournament, the No. 12 Wildcats sneak into the final four. They are way too physically fit.

 

WEST

1-Connecticut
16-Chattanooga

Even though winters can get bleak in Storms, there still are better looking girls than at the small campus of Chattanooga. Why do you think Mocs alum Terrell Owens was so quiet when he got to the NFL?

Even TO would be ashamed for the lack of girls at a school after balling it up every Saturday. Then, after he made “The Catch 2” versus the Packers, he learned when you are a star athlete, you get amazing girls. Subsequently, we as a country got the new TO.



8-BYU
9-Texas A&M

The only way to get a girl from BYU is to marry them, so I will pass. I guess the plus is if a girl from BYU is all about you, she’s made that decision without alcohol, which I’ve yet to experience.

College Station, even for an agriculture and mechanics school, has enough good looking girls to get the win over former No. 1 pick, Joe Smith’s followers.



5-Purdue
12-Northern Iowa

Even though Purdue has mostly cows for females on campus, they have enough good looking girls coming to school from Chicago to pick up for the Buffalo Wild’s "all-you-can-eat" girls. Northern Iowa just doesn’t have the size to compete. The Panthers on that campus weren’t exactly wowing Kurt Warner back in the day.

 

4-Washington
13-Mississippi State

Sure, Seattle has the reputation for being cold and wet, but that doesn’t mean the girls are hurting. There are things called tanning beds and UW girls know all about the UV.

The Wayans brothers were doing fine with the ladies in “The Sixth Man,” and that’s all the leverage I need. Plus, Mississippi State is by far the worst looking school in the entire SEC. If it weren’t for the Bulldogs from Starkville, the SEC would be out of control.

 

6-Marquette
11-Utah State

I know I have hated on the female Mormons throughout the bracket, but we have an upset here. Utah State is the least academic out of the other major Utah schools (BYU and Utah), which means the less dedicated Mormons are Aggies.

A little inside information: nothing is better than a college girl who is ready to rebel against her parents (especially if it is over religion and waiting until marriage).

Also, I’m sorry Marquette. but I’m not impressed with your Golden Eagles. Have you seen Dwyane Wade’s estranged wife? Wow. The two met in college, and it’s no wonder Wade is so raw on the court. The guy was probably in the gym 12 hours a day to avoid her. Wade, you were a top five NBA pick and that’s all you could pull?



3-Missouri
14-Cornell

I’m going with the Tigers here. For this bracket, we are talking good-looking girls, not future congresswomen, doctors, authors and CEOs, of whom the Big Red has to offer.

 

7-Maryland
10-California

Cal is probably the school I know better than any other. Going to high school in Berkeley, I used to sneak into parties. Trust me; I’m not sneaking in anymore. Looking back, it would be like Flavor Flav sneaking into a library: there's just no point.

Except for the southern California girls who are smart enough to get into Cal (and don’t want to go to UCLA), the Berkeley campus is lacking big time.

Remember, to get into Cal, students better have a 4.0 GPA with steep SAT scores. This game is a boat race; College Park has freaks in Maryland.



2-Memphis
15-CSU Northridge

Biggest upset of the tournament. The 15th seeded Matadors get past the Tigers solely because their school is a state school in California. With the budget crisis in the state, more and more students are forced to go to their third or fourth options.

This means girls, who would have gone to San Diego State ten years ago, are forced to go to lesser-known schools at the least desirable locations. Case in point: Northridge.

But, with over 30,000 students, there are plenty of options. Sure, Memphis has some good looking girls, but the majority of the hot ones are going to Knoxville and getting out of the Hustle & Flow that is Memphis.



1-Connecticut
9-Texas A&M

College Station has plenty of girls who couldn’t get into the University of Texas, and they run all over the Huskies. The only plus of getting with a girl from Connecticut is that her dad might be an accountant for ESPN, and can get you in the building.

 

5-Purdue
4-Washington

Like I wrote before, Purdue is hurting big time. If it wasn’t for an easy round one match-up, there is no way they get by. The school is very good academically (which typically means less hot girls), and on top of that, West Lafayette, Indiana isn’t a desired location for many.

 

10-Maryland
2-CSU Northridge

Maryland blows out the Northridge, as they are a one-hit wonder with the first round upset. The Terrapins bring it.

 

9-Texas A&M
4-Washington

I will take a school from Texas any day over a school in the Pacific Northwest. The Huskies had a good fight to get to the Sweet 16, but the Aggies have way too many girls to handle.



9-Texas A&M
10-Maryland

Scott Van Pelt (Maryland alum) knows what’s up about College Park. He was probably at parties getting after it on the bottle, giving play-by-play updates with the game on mute at the party, while admiring all the female Terrapins. This party school sneaks by Texas A&M to get into the final four.



EAST
1-Pittsburgh
16-East Tennessee State

The Pitt Panthers have enough talent to get by the Buccaneers from Tennessee.

 

8-Oklahoma State
9-Tennessee

Sorry T. Boone Pickens, maybe you can start paying better-looking girls to come to Oklahoma. Tennessee is producing way more talent.

Plus, the Vols now have one of the best-looking wives for a college football coach. Somehow crybaby Lane Kiffin has a mouthpiece on recruits (and the ladies).

 

5-Florida State
12-Wisconsin

If it were any other five seed, the Badgers would advance. The Madison campus is one of the biggest party schools in the country, but party school doesn’t always equal top-notch girls. Florida State is one of the best-looking schools in the country.



4-Xavier
13-Portland St.

Even though there are only 4,000 students at Xavier, it barely beats out the mainly commuter school of Portland State.



6-UCLA
11-VCU

Just like USC, UCLA is highly overrated. The girls surrounding the Westwood campus create the illusion that hot girls go to the school. Every year, the Bruins create less and less talent, but with an easy match-up versus VCU, they get by.



3-Villanova
14-American

I will take a Big East school over Patriot League school just on numbers.

 

7-Texas
10-Minnesota

Sorry Gophers, you have no chance with what the Longhorns at Texas bring to the table.

 

2-Duke
15-Binghamton

Duke, you’re lucky you face a school nobody has heard of (which means no hot girls). The Bearcats have no chance, and Duke gets by.

 

1-Pittsburgh
9-Tennessee

The Vols are a big-time party school and have the girls to back it up. There just isn’t enough talent cheering in the Oakland Zoo (Pittsburgh’s student section) to compete with.



5-Florida State
4-Xavier

This is the biggest blow out in any of the second round match-ups. Would be a 30-point route. Florida State has way too much talent.

 

6-UCLA
3-Villanova

UCLA gets by with another easy match-up. Even though I said they're overrated, they still have enough to get by the Wildcats.

 

7-Texas
2-Duke

Another blowout in the second round. Texas is one of the best in the country and well, Duke, your white lacrosse team needed to pay for a stripper from Durham to come to a party. What’s that say about the rich girls attending the school?

 

9-Tennessee
5-Florida State

Florida State has too much to offer and the in-shape girl Seminoles run away with the game in the second half.



6-UCLA
7-Texas

The overrated Bruins get run out of the gym by the Longhorns.

 

5-Florida State
7-Texas

It was the toughest game in the tournament to decide on. Florida State used to be an all-girl school and still to this day has way more girls on campus than guys.

The problem is match-ups, and Texas has many more girls than Florida State. Again, with over 50,000 students, there are hot girls everywhere you look.



SOUTH

1-North Carolina
16-Radford

The Tar Heels have too much talent for the Highlanders to compete with.


8-LSU
9-Butler

The Bayou Bengals know how to party and have the girls to show for it. They rout the Bulldogs.

 

5-Illinois
12-Western Kentucky

Even though the Hilltoppers have a good chance to upset the Fighting Illini in the real game, they have no chance in this match-up. The Champagne campus is beautiful and has plenty of students to go around.

 

4-Gonzaga
13-Akron

Even though Spokane, Wash., is not a desired location, it sure beats Akron, Ohio. The average Zip is going to be working the front desk at a tire plant after graduation. At least you know a Gonzaga girl has some money.



6-Arizona State
11-Temple

A Tempe, Ariz., campus or a ghetto Philadelphia campus? Vegas puts the spread of this game at 45.



3-Syracuse
14-S.F. Austin

Even though the winters are brutal and you may have to mess around with a girl while she is rocking a North Face puff jacket, Syracuse edges by the small school of S.F. Austin.

With over twice as many students, the Orange sneak by. Plus, would you want to be in Nagodoches, Texas?

 

7-Clemson
10-Michigan

Let’s see: one of the best looking schools in the ACC, or one of the ugliest looking schools in the Big Ten? Ann Harbor is struggling big-time with the females, and I give them credit for being able to get recruits to go there.



2-Oklahoma
15-Morgan State

Todd Bozeman, I’m sure you are hiring girls to lure kids to go to school there, because if not, they would be shaking their heads. The Sooners, even if they’re in the “wonderful” state of Oklahoma, have plenty of girls.



1-North Carolina
8-LSU

Even though North Carolina can really bring it, I am biased towards the South and their party ways. The Tigers get after it a lot more, and they get by the top-seeded Tar Heels.



5-Illinois
4-Gonzaga

Illinois runs past the Bulldogs in this match-up. Stockton wasn’t chasing tail while in Spokane.



6-Arizona State
3-Syracuse

The Sun Devils blow out the Orange. Just compare finals week between the schools during December: Syracuse girls are sprinting from the library, bundled up and running to a heated classroom, while Arizona State girls are walking to their final, probably hung over, and not wearing much at all because it’s 80 degrees out.



7-Clemson
2-Oklahoma

The South Carolina campus is packed with hot girls and is too much for Boomer Sooner to compete with. Go to a Clemson baseball game, and you will miss the perfectly executed hit-and-run in the 3rd inning because you are too busy checking out the scene in the stands.



8-LSU
5-Illinois

LSU gets by fairly easily in this Big 10/SEC match-up.



6-Arizona State
7-Clemson

Even though the girls are classier in Clemson, Arizona State just has way too much talent to be overcome.



6-Arizona State
8-LSU

Both schools can party with the best of them, but Arizona State has the better-looking girls. They advance to Detroit.



FINAL FOUR

7-Texas
6-Arizona State

This is by far the hardest game of the tournament. Both girls offer amazing talent but I always have to go with class over trash, and Texas wins it. When Texas girls get wasted, they are known to sing karaoke with their southern voices.

When Arizona State girls get wasted, they are known to keep the party going by “hitting the slopes” in the bathroom (and trust me, there isn’t any snow in Tempe).

 

10-USC
7-Maryland

Maryland’s surprise run in the tournament comes to the end as the Trojans knock them off.



7-Texas
10-USC

Note only will the 2006 Rose Bowl go down as one of the best games ever, but it also may go down has having the best looking girls in one stadium at a time. Texas gets by because of their girls top to bottom.

National Champion: Texas

When you combine over 50,000 students, a beautiful campus, 6th street, and smart, classy girls, it just doesn’t get any better.

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