Medical advancements in this current age are accelerating at an exponential rate. The medications currently available cure the psoriasis from the crown of my head down to the fungus below my toe nail.
New medications are advertised continuously through our favorite television shows and I can remember the names of those medications better than I can remember my co-workers names. And, there’s a drug that can help me with that as well.
My Mother-in-law has a daily breakfast of no less than 15 medications. This woman has had triple by-pass heart surgery twice and these wonders of medical science allow her to survive another day. Not that I’m complaining.
Through medication men have erectile promoter/enhancers. Women have menstrual suppressors as well as cervical cancer vaccines. All our lives can be better through chemistry.
The point is the current human experience allows us to ask our doctors, “Is there anything new I can take?"
Is there anything new that will enhance my life?
How as a race can we hold our athletes to a standard that does not allow them to enjoy the advancements of science like the rest of us? It is time for all Sport Leagues to remove the stigma that is associated with athletes using performance enhancers.
For sports the wide spread repercussions of this action will be immediate.
The mandatory testing that most sports leagues have instituted will be abolished. It will no longer be necessary to wastefully spend millions on processing samples or wasting money on developing new tests to detect the never ending improved medications.
The money saved from that endeavor will allow these leagues to reinvest those earnings back into the sport. They will be able to create better sporting environments for both the athletes and fans.
Additional funds can be earmarked for retired and broken ex-athletes whose shoulders these sports were built upon, making sure our fallen sports idols are taken care of.
The obvious objection to that is what about the unemployment that will be created by that action. The testing labs will still have a purpose but instead of pursuing detection they will concentrate on analysis to verify and refine the manufacturing process for the pharmaceutical companies.
The benefits of that action will eventually be released to populace at large; for a nominal price of course.
Sports fans we will be rewarded with the knowledge that we will no longer have to concern ourselves with the question, “Do they or don’t they”?
Do they use enhancers or don’t they? We don’t have to worry because it will be a truer sport that more correctly resembles the realities of human society.
The question of how can athlete make a remarkable recovery from a debilitating injury be anything other than superhuman ability will not need to be asked. Whether it be natural or due to medication it will become a non issue.
Then you might ask. “Well what about those athletes that choose not to use enhancers”?
The answer is clear. There will be no asterisk added to their stats. They will not be punished or degraded for not following suit with their contemporaries.
We can simply add two additional statistical columns to be used by any sports league. These numerical values will be entirely voluntary to pursue.
First, I propose that we create NTR (negative test results) statistic for every sport. That way the natural athlete that insists on making his sports career a model of unenhanced accomplishments will have the proof to back his claims.
Their voluntary test results can be automatically forwarded to and recorded by the league front office without any embarrassing information leaks to the media.
The second statistic naturally follows as PTR (positive test results). Although, it is my belief that for the most part this will be and empty field for most athletes as what is the purpose of proving that enhancers are used if they are widely accepted.
Of course I would be remiss if I were to choose to ignore what every drug advertised ends their commercials with, the disclaimers. There are possible negative side effects. No, I can not give you the exact terminology of what those possible negative effects are for a couple of reasons.
First, the performance enhancement drug manufactures have not advertised very well as I have yet to see any of their television commercials. But that will change if my proposal is accepted.
Second, I have no training in either medicine or law. I have been awarded an honorable degree in Bachelors of Bullshit, which does allow me to give you some negative watch signs in layman’s terms.
For the men there are a couple quick signs of trouble.
If you are popping your shoe laces every time you see a new scuff mark on you Air Jordan sneakers, then you might want to see your doctor.
If you have been able to completely abolish your pot belly but still can not see your penis past your wash board abs you might want to slow your roll. Don’t try taking Viagra to counteract this symptom because even if you can get it up, if you can’t see it, it’s still useless.
For the women, and this was bit harder to research, I also have a couple of tips.
If you can no longer tell where your pectoral muscles leave off and your breast begins, or visa versa, then it might be time to back off the injections.
If for instance, you were to snap your boyfriend’s wrist for trying to cop a feel then I think it would be time to reduce your enhancer intake and enroll in couples counseling.
With a worldlier look at the use of medication I believe it becomes clear that we have held our athletes to a standard that we would not accept for ourselves.
Why would we expect a person to forgo a happier, healthier enhanced lifestyle only because they choose athletics as their career choice? It's time to allow our athletes the opportunity to see just how far we can push our human capabilities.
Otherwise it’s unreasonable to keep them on a pedestal.
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