The ECW Roster, According to My Colombian Mom

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The ECW Roster, According to My Colombian Mom

Here in Colombia, it's difficult to find a wrestling fan, and it's more difficult to find a mom who likes something that, here, we call "violent games." But that's not my mom because she's now an ECW fan (well, not ECW, but John Morrison and the Miz are in ECW) and she watches with me ever Sunday (Colombian schedule).

We enjoy the show, but my mom has a little problem with the wrestlers' names. She only knows four names, and for the other superstars, she has come up with nicknames. Here are their nicknames and her thoughts about them:

  • The old guy with the kid: She hates them. Her reactions when they enter the ring: "He is so old, why does he go out with that kid? And he should be retired...ugly clothes."
  • The old guy: "Why is he wrestling? Every week somebody kicks the old guy's ass, ugly clothes too."
  • The black guy or the evil: She isn't racist; it's just that she has problem remembering the names and he is the only black guy who wrestles in ECW. Her reactions: "Ugly, fat, the only thing he has cute are the theed...no charisma. I hope somebody beats him."
  • The little toy (Jamie Noble): "Everybody is gonna kick his ass...poor little guy."
  • The gross: "He should get fired; this is an insult."
  • The guy who walks with the legs too separated (Evan Bourne, I hadn't noticed that until she told me): "Bad clothes...he has boobs."
  • The bald one (Matt Hardy): "He is cute, but he is getting bald...in three years, he won't have hair."
Now, the names that she knows and the reasons she remembers them:
  • John Morrison: She started to see ECW when I said: "Mom, look how hot he is." Now it's the second Colombian biggest mofo (guess who is the first). When John enters the ring, she says: "Beautiful, sexy, the best-dressed, nice coats, nice hair, sexy back, look at his ass. Perfect."
  • The Miz: Because he is Morrison's partner, now she loves him, too, and she was almost crying when Miz and Morrison had to fight each other. "Nice hat, he looks a little fat next to Morrison. Morrison outshines him—nice eyes and face."
  • Swagger: Because he is like a monkey.
  • Christian: I don't know why she remembers him. 
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