25 Uniforms Clearly Designed by a Person with No Fashion Sense

Nick Dimengo@@itsnickdimengoFeatured ColumnistNovember 1, 2012

25 Uniforms Clearly Designed by a Person with No Fashion Sense

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    With everyone dressed up in their Halloween costumes these past couple days, it's only natural that we saw some really ugly ones. 

    Whether that was guys dressed as chicks, or girls rocking facial hair, it can be a little rough to look at sometimes.

    You know what else can be tough to look at? Sports uniforms. So with Texas Tech's announcement that they'll be wearing these beauties this weekend against Texas, we figured it'd be a great idea to give you some of the other uniforms that are a little, well, out there.

    While Alex Morgan absolutely killed it as McKayla Maroney, if she decided to wear one of these jerseys, we'd actually consider dropping her as our No. 1 celeb crush. 

San Jose Clash

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    Some may not remember that the current MLS San Jose Earthquakes were actually named the Clash for five seasons.

    Regardless of the team's nickname, the fact they wore uni's with split-colors down the middle, and mismatching shorts earns them a mention for most unfashionable team around.

    In fact, just toss in the entire inaugural MLS teams in there as worst dressed.

Houston Rockets

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    Sure, they may have had Hakeem, Drexler, Barkley and Pippen (though not all at the same time), and even won a couple titles in the mid-90s, but when they showed up wearing these unis following their second title ('94-95), no one could have taken them seriously.

    Just goes to show that changing a classic isn't always a good thing.

Virginia Tech Football Helmets

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    This might not be an entire uniform, but the fact that you look at this thing and have no idea what it is, makes it hideous.

    Thankfully, the Hokies donned these domes during the Austin Peay game earlier this year, and seeing that Va Tech won 42-7, hopefully most fans left early to avoid staring at these for too long.

Kentucky Men's Basketball

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    As a proud UK alum, this one pains our heart, but let's face it, these uni's were God-awful!

    Have you ever tried running in jeans? It's uncomfortable and has no stretch to let you perform at your best. Even worse, when they're wet, it's nearly impossible to move around.

    But for some reason, Converse and UK agreed to wear these all-denim jams, bring a new meaning to Kentucky redneck.

    Hey, at least they won the National Championship that season, so not all was bad.

Trenton Thunder

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    We get the whole "Honoring America" thing, but for George Washington's sake, do you need to wrap an American Flag around you and call it a jersey?

    The look is bad enough, but when you notice Jeter was on a rehab assignment during the same time as these jerseys, and we'd bet he'd secretly admit it was the most embarrassing moment of his professional career to wear that thing.

Atlanta Hawks

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    With so many different colors on this uniform, you'd think they just took every color they could find in Microsoft Paint, and tossed it on here.

    It honestly looks more like a bro tank than a pro sports jersey.

    And that logo! Who thought it was stylish to cut off the wings of the Hawk? If you're going to put a logo on there, at least have the entire thing!

New York Islanders

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    When your pro hockey team outfits themselves with these insane jerseys, it was really hard for everyone to think highly of them, or take them very seriously.

    The best think to happen to the Islanders in the past 15 years (besides four early exit playoff appearances)? Trashing these uniforms.

Florida Marlins

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    They looked like a Kiwanis team sponsored by a pool-cleaning service, and though these were just alternates, the fact they still had them as an option is ludicrous!

    Once they finally ditched them, we thought they got their act together, until we saw the uniforms they're currently wearing.

    We thought Miami was supposed to be a fashionable city? 

Cameroon Soccer

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    These are unitards!

    Let that sink in for a second...

    Okay, now that you've just given that "Really?!? Unitards are crazy" look, can you think of any reason why professional athletes would want to wear something that kids wear when they're about two-years-old? Us either.

    The World Cup's a big deal, so whoever figured these were the best way to represent their country should be chewed out.

Toronto Raptors Camoflauge

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    We were going to go with their original uniforms, but after seeing them break these damn things out a couple years ago, we couldn't overlook them.

    The support for the men and women all over the world is admirable, but whoever decided those uniforms were a good idea, well, they are not. 

Fresno Grizzlies

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    This actually happened.

    The Price is Right is a great show to watch when you're playing hooky or had to call in sick, but when you're getting played to play baseball, not so much.

    In the case of the Fresno Grizzlies, as Happy Gilmore said, "The price is wrong...!"

St. Louis Blues Alternate

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    Thankfully, former Blues head coach Mike Keenan had some style, otherwise these horrendous jerseys would have been worn for all to laugh at.

    Though the team never actually skated in the sweaters, it owns a spot on our list because—well, look at the damn things! 

    The mere thought should get someone slapped.

Cleveland Cavs

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    Growing up in Cleveland, we know about these terrible uniforms all too well.

    All we can say is thank goodness they retired these things before getting LeBron. Could you imagine his time as a Cavalier being documented in these? Yikes.

1999 USA Ryder Cup Shirts

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    When you think of pushing the limit fashionably, you usually associate it with Europeans, but the 1999 U.S. Ryder Cup team stomped that belief with these shirts.

    We're not sure what's worse: the shirts, or the fact that guys like then-world No. 1 David Duval, up-and-comer Tiger Woods and the rest of the U.S. team was okay wearing those in pictures for prosperity.

Vancouver Canucks

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    There's been some ugly NHL uniforms, but this is by far the worst.

    We can't help but think it looks like that ugly rug your parents had in their apartment during the '70s, while they listened to disco and dressed similarly to the Canucks.

    In fact, after seeing the (then) city's basketball jerseys, our personal opinion of Vancouver fashion is in question.

New Orleans Hornets Mardi Gras

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    Mardi Gras is one hell of a party, but let the drunks on Bourbon Street go all out for the festivities, and let's keep our professional basketball teams looking like professionals.

    This entire ensemble just looks like it's going through it!

Pittsburgh Steelers Throwbacks

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    We love the teams that feel it necessary to honor the team with the absolute worst uniforms in the team's history.

    Back during the '94 season, that's exactly what the Steelers did, by saluting the '33 team with this look.

    Problem is, the "new" throwbacks don't even look much better either!

Notre Dame Fighting Irish Football

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    The golden helmet of the Irish is one of the greatest traditions in all of sports, so when these multicolored, futuristic garbs were displayed, purists probably passed out with hate.

    We can live with any form of the alternate green jerseys for big games, but these half-gold, half-leprechaun helmets should be tossed away and never be seen again.

    Not even the luck of the Irish can save them from being embarrassed in these.

MLB Futures Uniforms

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    We actually almost forgot about these gimmicky uniforms that MLB displayed during the 1999 season, before the new millennium hit.

    Numerous teams showed these off for fans everywhere to show them what the future of baseball style would look like (fortunately it didn't catch on).

    Words cannot describe how truly bad they were.

Denver Broncos Throwbacks

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    When you're a team that's known for a blue and orange bronco, why confuse people by wearing something that looks like it should be on tour with the Barnum & Bailey's circus?

    Yes, we're blatantly saying the throwbacks make the entire team look like clowns standing on stilts. 

Australia's Men's Discus

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    We get that as an Olympic athlete, you've got to have muscles, but is this really necessary?

    They might as well roll the dudes out there in speedos to participate; at least that would be more natural than these ridiculous-looking uniforms.

    What in the hell was the thought process behind this design?

Memphis Grizzlies Throwbacks

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    We remember being younger and having to wear mismatched colored jerseys and shorts for whatever reason. As a kid, you didn't think much of it.

    But you'd think when you got to the NBA, that little trend would stop. 

    Unfortunately though, the league or Grizzlies franchise thought cleaning the dust off these throwbacks was worth it. Wonder if they regret that decision knowing they look worse than a youth soccer team.

Maryland Terrapins Football

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    If Under Armour wanted to make a splash, then we'd say they nailed it by outfitting the Terps in these state-flag repped threads.

    A helmet-jersey combo like this is usually a one-time thing, but not when you play for Maryland, as they force anyone watching them to know exactly where they're from—"The Old Line State"—with unfortunately way too many lines on one uniform.

San Diego Padres

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    Looking at these unis, we're not sure if the Padres are a major league baseball team, or a Honey Comb-sponsored pickup team.

    One thing we do know is that no one on earth should ever be caught wearing such a color combination, even if you are getting paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to play baseball.

    What's more mind-boggling is that the team actually brought them back as a throwback a couple years ago.

    We're not okay with that.

Chicago White Sox

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    Known for his P.T. Barnum-like promotional methods, longtime Sox owner Bill Veeck actually approved these for his team.

    Seriously? When did the majors become the equivalent to playing for an over-40s softball league, where wearing shorts and a button down, collared shirt is okay?

    For all the wrong reasons, it's our No. 1 worst uniform ever.