UFL Looks to Sign Michael Vick, Jesus Christ
In what could be shaping up to be a blockbuster deal, the UFL is considering signing convicted dog killer and disgraced former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick along with the Son of God, Jesus Christ.
UFL commissioner Michael Huyghue made it known earlier this week that Vick, who remains behind bars on federal dog fighting charges, would be welcome in the league provided a number of criteria are met.
For starters, Vick would have to complete his sentence in full. Further, the Falcons would have to release him, as they still own his contractual rights and finally, the league would require positive feedback from fans about Vick's return to the game.
In order to secure fan support, Huyghue is looking at inviting Christ, who was discovered by Vick shortly after the dogfighting charges were brought against him, in to the UFL fold.
"He appears to be a calming influence for Vick," stated Huyghue, "and besides, he's the Son of God. That will being some much-needed attention to the league."
When asked if a deal was in the works, Christ admitted discussions were ongoing.
"I've forgiven the sins of Michael Vick. I mean, it's what I do, right?" said Christ, as he walked on the water outside of his beachfront property in Malibu, Calif.
"If I can help him with his transition back into football, I'm there. I'm everywhere, really."
It's unclear what position Christ would play in the UFL, although analysts suspect the savior would be a good fit as an offensive tackle.
In that role, Christ would be able to protect Vick from being blindsided not only from an eager defensive line looking to make a name for itself, but from the hordes of media expected to dog Vick everywhere he goes.
"Sometimes I wish those media types would just go hell! Kidding! Kidding!" said Christ, as he miraculously turned water in to wine. "I forgive them, too."
The other question is, what team would the duo play for?
There are currently four cities with UFL franchises: New York/Hartford, Las Vegas/Los Angeles, San Francisco and Orlando.
Christ has made it known, he will not play for Vegas or San Francisco.
"Vegas is the city of sin. I'd be too distracted saving the souls of gamblers and showgirls," noted Jesus. "As for San Fran, well, they're big on the whole gay marriage thing and it might raise a few eyebrows if I were to sign on there."
"It's a nice city, though. I like what they did with Dad's design."
Vick is scheduled to be released from prison July 2.
What is the duplicate article?
Why is this article offensive?
Where is this article plagiarized from?
Why is this article poorly edited?