The Beckham Chronicles: A Gibson Translation
David Beckham is committed to the LA Galaxy. ย I know, because he said so in an interview yesterday. ย Five times.
Say you donโt care if you want and smackback with lines of ZZZZZZZZโs, but ask yourself, do you really want to read another holy-crap-I-canโt-believe-it-Clemens-lied-about-roiding story? ย Every day another headline on it. Like something new happened. ย But I read the dope and itโs the SOS. ย What the F?!
Back to Beckham.
David Beckham (first response to moronic ESPN interviewer): ย Iโm very committed to the MLS and to the Galaxy but looking to 2010 and the World Cup with England I knew I had to play at the highest level and I knew I had to play in Europe so I wanted to extend my loan deal with Milan.
Walter Gibson translation: ย Soccer in America sucks. ย Soccer groupies in America suck. Actually, thereโs no such thing as soccer groupies in America. ย Just gold-digging whores. Italian women are hot and they keep their mouths shut so that their older brothers donโt go mafia on their best lays. ย I like it in Milan.
David Beckham (second response): ย I want my fans to realize Iโm still committed to the Galaxy. ย I am still committed to the MLS and being an ambassador.
Walter Gibson translation: ย The Galaxy is a team in Los Angeles, where people have guns. Yes, we have soccer hooligans in England, but when I come back to California, I just want to pick up my (35 million dollar) check without being shot by some (asshole) American.
David Beckham (third response): ย I want to be involved in the MLS going forward because I believe it will get bigger. ย I wouldnโt have committed myself to the Galaxy as an MLS ambassador if I didnโt believe the sport would grow.
Walter Gibson translation: ย When my playing career is done, I want to make even more money. ย Itโs really unlikely the MLS will ever be any good, but if it is I want to make sure that I have an option to cash in.
David Beckham (fourth response): ย At the moment Iโm contracted to the Galaxy and Iโm committed, but like I said leading up to 2010 everybody knows I need to play football at the highest level. ย Still, Iโm committed to the Galaxy.
Walter Gibson translation: ย The dollar is gaining on both the Pound and Euro lately, so in between soccer games in Europe, Iโll grab a seat in first class, get a wank from the flight attendant, and come back to the Home Depot Center to make some dough and buy Posh a new Benz.
David Beckham (fifth response): ย Iโve already said that I will be going back to the Galaxy and I am committed to the Galaxy and my team-mates there, but at the moment I need to be playing my football here (in Italy).
Walter Gibson translation: ย The espresso here is really good. ย And the gelato too. ย Come to think of it, life is good here. ย I read the paper every morning at a cafรฉ at the Piazza del Duomo.ย
Itโs nice, a lot nicer than the corner of Wiltshire and S. Figueroa. ย The paper said that Landon Donovan is coming back to the Galaxy for the beginning of the season. ย That should help.
Iโm starting for one of the best teams in the world and Iโm scoring goals.
I work my ass off on the pitch and play at the highest level so I can represent my country with pride. ย Soccer players are always on loan. ย Itโs part of the game. ย Blow me.
Italy is birthplace to Ferrari, Ducati, and Sophia Loren. ย Questions?
For more Eddie Shore, check outย www.dailyballbreakers.comย (real guys holding sports accountable), or if you hate the WNBA, tryย www.dbbsports.com.







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