Man Without a Team: Barry Bonds Is Finally Where He Belongs

Samantha Bunten lays into the Home Run King.

by Samantha Bunten (Scribe)

13

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Sports

March 19, 2008

MLB, NL West, Barry Bonds

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Just when you get tired of hating Barry Bonds because, well, it’s just become so pedestrian, he does something new to put his face back in the center of the proverbial dart board.

It would seem the disgraced, former crown prince of baseball cannot find a job. Imagine: no one wants a whiny, self-indulgent charlatan who is past his prime, if his prime ever even existed.

The emperor has no clothes, and only Donald Fehr is following Barry around chirping "Ooh, what a pretty robe Your Highness!"

So Barry, ever the self-proclaimed victim, now seems to think he cannot get a job because he was exposed as a cheat and a liar.

Is Barry truly being discriminated against? OF COURSE he is! I just can’t imagine why no one wants to hire the over-the-hill guy with the bum knee and the attitude problem who cheated his way to a home run record and is now facing criminal charges for perjury.

Why, wonders Barry (while displaying his best deer-in-headlights expression), will no one pay me millions to play the game I’ve made into a mockery? Well sunshine, it’s like applying for a job at a store where you got caught shoplifting six months ago.

Who could say no to this resume?

Barry Bonds

Work Experience: Liar, cheater, misanthrope, criminal

Shall we check his references? His agent Jeff Borris, seems to think he’s can’t get a job because of all this Mitchell Hoopla (a.k.a. the truth got out), which prompted the ever-misguided MLBPA to launch an investigation into the supposed persecution of Barry.

Note: it’s not a "witch hunt” if you actually find Hansel and Gretel in the oven.

So what’s a union to do? Should they find Bonds has been “wronged” somehow and cannot get a job because everyone thinks his abuse of PEDs is bad for baseball? I mean, who are they going to sue, D.A.R.E.?

Or are they just going to MAKE someone take him? We’re sorry, Tampa Bay, we know you decided you didn’t want him because he wasn’t worth the asking price/trouble/legal fees, but you have to take him. I’m sure the clean player whose job Donald Fehr demands he hand over to Barry will be thrilled to see Bonds the human blowup doll arrive.

The problem with all this is that you just can't force anyone to actually want him.

 

With 50-plus dingers, GMs could ignore their consciences. For the 28 homers Barry hit last year (yeah, he was injured. Merely another red flag.), most baseball execs prefer two cheap platoon guys and the ability to sleep at night.

 

For years, Bonds has claimed he just wanted to be left alone. Looks like he'll finally get his wish.

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comments (13) write a comment »

  1. Very nicely done

  2. Very nicely done

  3. Bonds made baseball into a mockery? What about the fans who cheered for him, Big Mac and Sosa every time they came up to the plate?

    Logic tells me, that if anyone made a mockery of baseball, it was the fans. Bonds, etc were doing what any one of us would have done had we had the chance. "Here, take this". Try and tell me that if someone offered you a medicine that would etch your name into history as well as allowing you to be rich beyond your imagination, that you wouldn't say, "can I get a triple dose of this". Try and tell me that!

    Additionally, it isn't as if he is going around parading steroids or steroid culture. He simply used (maybe) and hated reporters.

  4. Also, Bonds was ONLY the 5th most valuable OFer in 2007. There are actual FACTS behind that, not a little bit of a skewed opinion!

    And how is it that a 40+ year old getting injured is a red flag. What is it representing? That he is human?

    Terrible analysis and article. Try to write about facts instead of opinion.

    1. Yes Brandon, it most certainly is a "skewed opinion", because it was purely an opinion piece. Don't take the article so seriously.

    2. Very constructive feedback, Brandon. As usual.

  5. What an awful article. Despite the nauseating 'guilty until proven innocent' stance of the vulgar press, Bonds hasn't been found guilty of anything, and the trumped-up charges against him seem more problematical the closer you look. The people accusing him include Jeff Nowitski, a rogue IRS agent whom his (black )associate Iran White says was clearly out to get Bonds before his investigation began, and an ex-mistress whom posed for Playboy. Incidentally, the jilted hoochie doesn't ever say that she actually SAW him use anything, or SAW any STEROIDS. unlike say the Roger Clemens case, there isn't a single person who claims to have injected Barry, or seen him inject anything.

    Bonds is a surly black guy whom the white press can't stand (he was hated long before the Mitchell report came out), and the nasty tone of the hack job above just underscores this. If bonds did dabble in PEDs, which is possible, he is one of hndreds of MLB and NFL players...how is he any worse?

    I'll tell you why Bonds is worse: because he was so good. he is the greatest player of alltime (Ruth's numbers are better, but Babe toiled in the primeval age of American sports) People are jealous of him because he was so good, and they are trying to take him down. I bet the author is a white woman who would praise an admitted drug addict like Brett Farve, a lush like babe Ruth, or a probable cheat like Lance Armstrong to the skies, but there is no love and no salvation for Black Barry.

    The author should look in her mirror...for I perceive no lawyer or journalist, but rather a "whiny, self-indulgent charlatan" in front of her keyboard.

    Peace

    1. To answer your question, I don't think Bonds is "any worse" than the rest of the lot. I chose to pick on Bonds because he invites it. For a man who wants the media to leave him alone, he does an excellent job of consistently provoking them not to do so. But no, he is no more guilty than the others. Feel free to replace every instance where I typed "Bonds" with "Clemens" if you like.

      Your argument that I am making assumptions about Barry loses credibility when you do the same to me. While I would indeed praise Brett Favre, I would do so because he admitted he had a problem, sought help, and beat his demons. I would never "praise Lance Armstrong to the Skies" because I think he is a liar, a cheat, and a disgrace.

      I must say I have no issue with Ruth because I don't think being a "lush" improves your performance. My issue is not with drugs per se, as it is not my place to judge what players do on their own time. My issue is with those who cheat and disrespect the game of baseball, hence my animosity toward PED users like Bonds, Clemens, and the rest of those who Mitchell outed.

      Certainly I could have used any one of the players named in the Mitchell Report for this, as they are all just as guilty, or allegedly guilty if you prefer. However, if I had written this about, say, Tim Laker, you and the rest of the world wouldn't have bothered to read it and then you and I would not have had the opportunity to engage in this debate, which has allowed me to practice the lawyer/journalist skills which you claim I so severely lack.

  6. To add some perspective here...we know that during the 1970s and 80s, many MLBers used cocaine. Paul Molitor had a bad problem, as did Tim Raines. Molly is (rightfully) in the hall of fame, and Raines may well make it in.

    We know that many MLB clubs had pots of 'leaded' coffee laced with amphetamines for years. Willie Mays used them to keep sharp, as did Willie Stargell. Both hall of famers.

    With Barry, we don't know if he used anything. We don't know if he used anything how extensive his use was. And we don't even know if steroids and HGH helps baseball players...consult the long list of terrible players whom have flunked drug tests.

    So the hate directed against him strikes me as hypocritical to the extreme...though par for the course in the America that put Jim Brown, Jack Johnson and Mohammed Ali in jail for stuff that white jocks were allowed to do.

    Sad, really.

  7. http://www.annals.org/cgi/content/full/0000605-200805200-00215v1?maxtoshow=&eaf

    I've read lots of articles like this. Does HGH reallymatter? If not, aren't some of these persecutions of MLB players silly?

  8. There are 30 teams, 14 of them in the AL, where a DH who can hit 20-odd home runs and get on base 50% of the time would be pretty valuable. It's possible that every single one of them is too noble and pure to sign a player who can help their team and bring in a lot of fans (and don't kid yourself; if Bonds hits a lot of home runs for their team, an awful lot of Bonds-haters will suddenly decide he's not such a bad guy after all.) It's also possible that MLB has been putting pressure on teams not to sign Bonds. If that's the case, it's a violation of the collective bargaining agreement, and it's the players union's responsibility to do something about it.

    If you're really saying "I don't like Bonds, he's a jerk and a bad guy, and if MLB is conspiring against him good for them" then you're letting your hatred get in the way of your good sense.

  9. "My issue is with those who cheat and disrespect the game of baseball, hence my animosity toward PED users like Bonds, Clemens, and the rest of those who Mitchell outed"

    First of all, I thought Clemens and Bonds were innocent until proven guilty? I have followed this case from jump street, and am unaware of any hard evidence against Mr Bonds, or any witnesses. Do you have any, Samantha?

    And if you are ripping Bonds just because you want readers, as you suggest, then yeah you are a horrible, irresponsible journalist.

    Also, can you tell me with a straight face that YOU KNOW that Brett Farve didn't use any drugs to get through last season? The NFL is lousy with PEDs and pain-killers, as all fans know, and Farve had an incredibly long streak of games played...how do you KNOW that he was clean?

    The answer is, you don't. The evidence that Bonds definitely did roids is NOT there, but the epossibility that many players in the NFL, NBA, and MLB did (and still do) is there if you want to see it.

    Picking on Barry Bonds is a textbook example of hysterical, witch-hunting jealousy...IMO

    and you are part of the lynch squad....feel good about yourself?

  10. Calm down - The article was written in jest.

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About the Author Samantha Bunten (scribe)

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