I'm back to take on the Wild, Wild West in this edition of "Mascotology". If you missed my first article, this is where I take on the so-called Bracketologists with my own brand of prognostication. Actually, I cannot take credit for this method, nor do I want to. It is better reserved for the guy at your office who has never been to a live sporting event or possibly your "I only watch the Super Bowl for the commercials" mother...God love her. Anyway, here we go...
(1) Bruins vs. (16) Delta Devils
Well, from what I can tell a Delta Devil is some kind of anti-Christ from lower Mississippi. I would hardly invite this guy to my next happy hour, but not being Satan himself I'm not sure he carries the same soul-possesing powers. I'm sure if he came face-to-face with a massive brown bear he would play dead like the rest of us. EDGE: UCLA
(8) Cougars vs. (9) Aggies
I have to credit Wikipedia for my knowledge of the dreaded "Aggie": The term pertains to students or teams at some historic land grant, mechanical & agricultural schools. Sounds ferocious. Think we're gonna have to go Cougars here. EDGE: BYU
(5) Bulldogs vs (12) Hilltoppers
You don't think anyone could get to the top of a hill without battling a few stray animals do you? This 'topper has obviously mastered the art of survival. Not to mention, for as small an NCAA power as Western Kentucky is, you sure see that giant red amorphous blob of a mascot everywhere (ESPN, Capital One commercials...dude gets around). EDGE: WESTERN KENTUCKY
(4) Huskies vs. (13) Toreros
For my non-Spanish speaking readers, that's bullfighters, folks. And if you can fight a bull, you can fight a dog. EDGE: SAN DIEGO
(6) Boilermakers vs. (11) Bears
Now, I know this is not what the fine founders of Purdue intended, but all I know about a Boilermaker is that it is a pint of beer mixed with a shot of whiskey. I have seen my bear-sized friend Jason take six of these in one night and he made pretty good friends with the floor that night. EDGE: PURDUE
(3) Musketeers vs. (14) Bulldogs
If "Uga" was a faster breed I might be able to consider him here, but the way that Dawg just chills on the sideline spells disaster. It takes a while to load a musket, but it doesn't matter when you have a stationary target. EDGE: XAVIER
(7) Mountaineers vs. (10) Wildcats
Ah, my alma mater. Sorry, Arizona you never had a chance against my bias, but at least let me explain. There is a reason that we now have domesticated cats...the ones that wouldn't listen were easy to shoot. EDGE: WVU
(2) Blue Devils vs. (15) ....
Seriously, do I have to look up Belmont's mascot? Even people who don't know their bracket from a hole in the ground have heard of Coach K. EDGE: DUKE
I hope you have enjoyed my second stab at Mascotology, tune in next time for the MIDWEST.