The NBA Gravy Train

Wizards Bullets 15-49

It is universally understood that in sports, if you can make it to the professional ranks—even in soccer, which should not be considered a sport—you can make a meat wagon full of dough.

Nothing demonstrates this better than USA Today’s March 9 NBA team-by-team look at the salaries of every currently active player. No, President Obama, there’s definitely no need to send David Stern’s minions any of that federal bailout money.

In no particular order, here’s what really stood out in this fine collection of astounding wealth:

59 players are making more than $10 million annually.
Of the 430 active players, 348 make more than $1 million.
The laughable Shavlik Randolph—who left Duke early with, well, I’m actually not sure why he left. Anyhow, Shav is alive, which was a surprise, and even more surprising is that he’s on the Trailblazers and making $826,269...about $826,000 more than JSF pays its staff each year.
Speaking of Mr. Radolph (pictured below), he is only one of 15 players on Portland’s roster making under $1 million. Good for him. Their payroll is led by the dominant Raef LaFrentz at $12.7 million. Deserving indeed, as his averages, like Mr. Blutarsky in “Animal House,” are ZERO-POINT-ZERO.
Atlanta, Miami, Boston, and the Clippers have the most players (five) on their rosters earning less than $1 million, while the Blazers, Nets, and Suns have the fewest players with only one player earning less than $1 million.
Chris Paul—Chris Paul for crying out loud—is the seventh highest paid player on New Orleans. Might be the biggest crime in Louisiana since they let Gov. Bobby Jindal give the Republican response to President Obama’s State of the Union.
The four highest paid Grizzlies are Darius Miles (being paid by Portland), Darko Milicic, Marko Jaric, and Greg Buckner. Remind me again why Memphis is a perrenial loser?
Utahs’ very solid Paul Milsap is one of the top values in the NBA. Dude’s averaging 14.3 points and 9 boards per game but is the Jazz’s lowest paid player at $797,585.
Speaking of value, while Milwaukee’s former starting point guard Luke Ridnour is third on the team with a $6.5 million salary, the Bucks’ only two players under the $1 million mark - Ramon Sessions and Luc Mbah a Moute’—are regular starters and key contributors.
Brian Cardinal is still in the league. What a relief. That is, of course, if being on the Timberwolves still qualifies for being in the NBA. But at least he’s pulling down $6.3 million. At 2.1 points and 1.9 rebounds per game, the Purdue product is quite the bargain. Good for him!
Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention my Wizards Bullets, who’s Gilbert Arenas leads the team payroll at $14.6 million. Of course, he hasn’t played all season.