WWE Top 5 Worst of the Week: Cena, Punk and More

Andy Soucek@Andy_SoucekFeatured ColumnistOctober 14, 2012

WWE Top 5 Worst of the Week: Cena, Punk and More

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    There were some big shake-ups behind the scenes in WWE this week.

    With Gewirtz out as head writer, one could've expected the shows to have a different feel. Maybe they would be even less cartoonish?

    Luckily, WWE put those fears to rest when we got Hornswoggle, The Cobra and some good old fashioned nipple jokes all in the same week.

    It's comforting to see that no mater what, WWE still doesn't take their business too seriously.

    As of yet, we still haven't learned a lot about what the future of the company may look like. Unless ratings improve, we could be in store for some drastic changes.

    Vince McMahon hit the panic button and put himself inside of the ring. What desperate act will they attempt next? Tune in to find out!

    WWE did teach us an important lesson on Raw, though. If we want to attend one of their shows, it might be in our best interest to wear head gear.

    With that out of the way, here are the top five worst WWE moments of the week for October 7-13.

No. 5: Ricardo Goes Snake Hunting

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    Let's be thankful for a moment—this could have been worse.

    Brian Gewirtz may have recently been removed as head writer, yet somehow "comedy" like this still makes the air.

    Randy Orton let it be known that he was going to stalk Alberto Del Rio on SmackDown (which was kind of him to give advanced warning). Del Rio put his best man on the case to track him down.

    Why this supposed multimillionaire doesn't just hire security is a good question.

    Anyway, we got a couple of backstage segments that kept us laughing our Friday night away.

    Santino continued with some of his revolutionary comedy, talking to a sock on his hand. Later, another skit saw the eagerly awaited return of Hornswoggle.

    For some reason, a man in his mid-20s just likes to play with a Brawlin' Buddy when he's alone in a dressing room.

    The night ended with Orton appearing, making good on his promise and beating up the much smaller, non-threatening hired help of Del Rio.

    Good for him?

No. 4: The Big Hungry

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    The Dead Man, The Cerebral Assassin, The Great One, The Texas Rattlesnake, The Showstopper...The Big Hungry?

    Well, if WWE wants to make Ryback a top star, they're off to a strange start with this choice of a nickname.

    Are people going to buy a T-shirt that says "The Big Hungry" on it? What if I want to go to a buffet? That'd just be embarrassing. I can't wear that out of the house!

    Yes, the company could always drop it, but the "feeding" part of his act seems to be what they're going for, so it will probably stick.

    Maybe I'm wrong, but I just don't see "The Big Hungry" going down in history as one of the all time great nicknames.

    It will probably end up somewhere between "That '70s Guy" Mike Awesome and "Mr. Ass" Billy Gunn when historians look back on wrestling nicknames in the distant future.

No. 3: Larry King Live

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    WWE appeals to children. Larry King appeals to their grandparents.

    I'm just not quite sure I understand the pairing.

    Apparently, being a social media ambassador wasn't good enough. We got to see King in person pretending that he actually knows about WWE programming.

    Hugh Jackman knocking out Dolph Ziggler makes sense. I'm cool with Mickey Rourke knocking out Jericho as well, but Larry King's eighth wife going over on The Miz?

    Sadly, the lousy talk show segment wasn't the last we saw of King that night.

    Daniel Bryan came up to him later for some advice, and Kane joined in on the fun.

    Now, I hate when people say “Really?” (sorry, Miz).

    But Skeletor?


    That's the most current reference that Kane had to make fun of Larry King?

    I mean He-Man hasn’t been popular since the 1980s. Did Brian Gewirtz forget to take his joke book home with him?

    Also, the Skeletor comment was just mean. I’m sure King was cool with it, but why make fun of a guy’s appearance for no reason?

    Apparently it's not okay to make fun of someone based upon their physical appearance in WWE...unless they're old.

No. 2: Cena’s Jokes

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    John Cena asked if we missed him.

    Of course we did! Wait a second...wasn’t he only gone one week?

    Unfortunately, with material like this, maybe he should have taken a few months off.

    Cena started out Raw with a show-opening monologue. You know, kind of like how Letterman, O'Brien and all the other talk show hosts do. However, unlike people with actual talent, Cena gave us these gems:

    "...one of them is a demon, one of them is a goat, we call them Team No, we should call them team (makes annoying goat noise, crowd groans) instead."

    He also informed us that Antonio Cesaro has unusually large nipples and called them "areol-eyes". Then he asked out AJ on a date for some reason and told her she could tweet him back because "all the kids are doing it."

    Huh. Okay.

    All of his jokes didn't really qualify as jokes; they were just random words strung together in the hopes that they would be amusing to someone besides Cena himself.

    Wasn't it just two weeks ago that Cena was solemn? He even said how he wasn't sure about his future. On Raw, he was all smiles. He didn't mention anything about his career. Another false alarm from him.

    John Cena could have a hang nail and would proclaim he may have to retire.

    Also, with his millions of dollars, couldn't he just pay someone to write a couple decent jokes for him just once?

No. 1: CM Punk vs. the WWE Universe

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    Not cool, CM Punk. Not cool.

    Times are probably tough in WWE. The extra two hours of programming every week means more work—and added stress.

    Punk has been the WWE champion for over 300 days now. With him in the top spot, the ratings have been sliding.

    It's not his fault, but when business starts to suffer, people often look to the champion to cast blame.

    Punk may be feeling the pressure to deliver. Whatever it was, it came to a head on Raw.

    After brawling with a 67-year-old man, he ran off scared from Ryback. According to him, he was being hit by fans, so he wildly swung behind him and nailed a random guy in the face.

    For good measure, he hit him again. Here is his apology (from the Los Angeles Times):

    “Somebody said, ‘Let’s push him down the stairs.’ I got hit in the ribs three times. I was getting shoved and I was getting punched .…Then I started getting tagged in the back of the head. Unfortunately, I lashed out in the heat of the moment and I apologize. I’m really just glad nobody was hurt."

    He got hit in the ribs three times? That justifies hitting an innocent guy in the face? It's not like it was professional fighters punching him in the ribs, it was just overly excited fans. He didn't even know who was behind him, and he could have nailed some kid.

    If Punk knew he was incapable of dealing with that situation, he should have vetoed the idea. He could have just ran up the entryway to the same effect. Instead he smacked some poor guy in the face.

    With the ratings the way they are, punching random fans in the face probably isn't the best strategy for bringing in more viewers.


    Well, that's all for this week. Agree? Disagree? Did anything worse happen? Sound off below. Thanks for reading!