LA Lakers Assistant Coach Spotted Being a Loser at Dante's Sinferno Cabaret!

Bleacher ReportCorrespondent IMarch 9, 2009

I have no game. 


I could write on and on listing just how little game I have, but I will simply write that I work in a restaurant, spend the rest of my time dabbling on my computer writing this that and the other thing.  When that is done, I usually listen to the same boring conversations over and over, and then watch a little TV or read my book.

Currently, I am reading Moby Dick.

So that's me. 

I work, write, listen to boring conversations, and read Moby Dick. 

Every Sunday night I decide to be a bit adventurous, and I like to start the evening at Dante's Sinferno Cabaret, at SW 3rd and Burnside in downtown Portland, OR.

I do not like strip clubs, and Dante's is not a strip club.  But on Sunday night it is close. 

They have go-go dancers on the stage and on platforms held in the air by chains.  They have comedians, contortionists, fire dancers, and all sorts of interesting contemporary vaudeville acts. 

They even have world famous magician Reed McClintock in the corner doing his act all night.

The crowd is mostly industry people and artists. 

It is, for me, a nice little escape.  I never stay too long.  Just enough time to see a few of the most beautiful woman on the West Coast, give them a nice tip, and then move on to go back to six days of my real life. 

Last night while at Dante's, I got the idea I would try to flatter some ladies with my game.  You know, show confidence, a sense of humor, and flash how successful I am.

And then who should I see?

Why coming out of the VIP lounge upstairs, it was none other than Lakers Assistant Coach Brian Shaw.  When I saw him, a dreaded enemy, coming down the stairs, through he crowd, with his body guard (or whoever that guy was) I realized that while I had no game...Brian Shaw certainly did.

Brian Shaw parked his butt on the bar stool and started flirting with the young ladies with tattoos, tongue studs, and dyed black hair. 

I wanted so badly to go over to him and just say, "All three point shots dropped by the 2000 Lakers are a joke, bro!"  Or perhaps just a plain, "Lakers suck, Brian."  

Yet I did not.  I respect his privacy as a human.  I treated him as I wish to be treated. did remind me of what a strong word HATE is.  To HATE someone, one has to have the ability to otherwise LOVE it.

Brian Shaw, pal, I hate your team, I hate your fans, I hate the fact that last night you strutted your stuff in my favorite joint to remind me that I have no game.

You were being a loser last night, Brian. 

Tonight the Portland Trail Blazers play The Los Angeles Lakers.   

I hope they mop the floor with them!

Go NBA Playoffs 2009.

Go Blazers. 

If we lose, I will be very, very, mad.