The outcome of every mixed martial arts match is simple in its design: one man wins, and one man loses.
Simply losing, however, is not the end for some warriors. Shame, emasculation and utter humiliation befall professional fighters from time to time, and these moments provide a humorous look at an otherwise brutal and serious sport.
For the finest comedic relief provided at the expense of our favorite athletes, start the slideshow.
At UFC 129, future lightweight champion of the world Nathan Diaz had some problems with rising welterweight Rory MacDonald.
A victim of being a smaller fighter with a weak wrestling base, Diaz was exposed over, over...wait for it...aaaand over against MacDonald.
The young Canadian straight up emasculated the Stockton bad boy, and for that, Diaz kicks off our list at No. 10.
Nobody will ever say Kazushi Sakuraba was not a fun, enigmatic competitor.
In a bout that featured an abundance of tomfoolery and downright silly antics, Sakuraba took the liberty to go Georges Laraque on Royce Gracie and pull his gi over his head, hockey style!
While Sakuraba ultimately failed at getting the gi completely over the top of Gracie's head, this remains one of the more ridiculous moments in professional MMA competition.
Royce, we love you, but you got clowned, son.
At UFC 44, Randy Couture laid a beatdown on Tito Ortiz that was so humiliating, I made this meme just for the occasion.
In an expression of complete dominance and disregard for his opponent, Couture decided to put a spanking on the "wittle boy" Ortiz, a feat which will live forever locked away in a distant chamber bubbling with MMA's most humiliating moments.
I could not find a video of this moment of humiliation on ye olde faithful YouTube, but for the dudes out there, it is probably for the better.
I'll put it this way: Gonzaga's kick to Chris Tuscherer's groin at UFC 102 was said to have cracked the metal cup encompassing Tuscherer's boys, so to say there was some force behind the blow is a massive understatement.
Tuscherer writhed in pain, dry heaving and making full use of his five minutes to recover. Amazingly, he got up to continue the battle but was quickly finished by his Brazilian foe.
For poor Chris, this was a moment of adding insult to injury, and it comes in at No. 7 on our list.
Whenever you are getting blasted repeatedly in the face (giggity), it is probably not the best idea to taunt your opponent.
Apparently, Sergei Kharitonov never got this memo, as he found the perfect time to tease his opponent—as he was getting absolutely mauled.
As one can guess, Aleksander Emelianenko seized the moment and finished the job, making Kharitonov look positively foolish in the process.
Perennial contenders Clay Guida and Carlos Condit have come under fire for their recent performances in which they ran away more than they threw leather.
I'm just saying, Kalib Starnes was doing this way before it was cool to take a nice jog during a fight.
Against Nate Quarry at UFC 83, fans were treated to one of the most ridiculous and humiliating displays in MMA history, as Starnes constantly ran away from his foe, refusing to engage.
Seriously, what is that?
Oh David, why would you ever do that?!
With grappling extraordinaire Shinya Aoki clinging to his back like a spider monkey, David Gardner decided it would be a great time to wave to the crowd and bask in some Japanese love.
With one arm out of the equation, Aoki found the perfect opportunity to sink in a deep rear-naked choke, forcing his showboating foe to tap out.
For the second part of our Shinya Aoki double feature, I would like to present to you: Shinya Aoki vs. Mizuto Hirota.
After shredding Hirota's arm with a nasty hammerlock which prompted the referee to halt action, Aoki continued to pour on the pain.
Flipping a bird that would make Nick Diaz proud, Aoki taunted his wounded and defeated opponent mercilessly.
During Pride Grand Prix 2000, Mark Coleman scored one of his biggest career wins, as he kneed Igor Vovchanchyn into submission.
The win crowned Coleman the Grand Prix champion and sent him into a frenzy.
Poor Markie Mark couldn't quite control his happiness though, and the resulting celebration will forever live in infamy—fail infamy, that is.
...Ehh, not so fast.
Silva made an absolute mockery of Griffin, and he easily disposed of the light heavyweight fan favorite within the first round of action.
What makes the win so humiliating, though, is how Silva dismantled his foe.
Forrest quite literally could not touch Silva, and the Brazilian legend ducked, bobbed and weaved with some of the finest head movement ever seen inside the Octagon.
After Silva decided enough dodging was enough, he attacked with a ferocious, walloping, power-packing...falling away jab?
To this day, I am not sure how that punch sent Griffin down for the count, but when you make Forrest Griffin tap out to strikes and beg for mercy, you're doing something right.
Sadly, this photograph is the best evidence I can find of Tim Sylvia's epic fail against Assuerio Silva at UFC's Ultimate Fight Night 3, so make Google your friend, my kind readers.
Sylvia, who, to his credit, battled the flu in the lead up to this fight, left a little surprise in his shorts that became evident midway through the second round.
Yep, that's poop.
Tim Sylvia pooped his pants in the middle of a fight, ladies and gentlemen.
This one is going to be hard to top.
For more MMA news, heavy metal ramblings and general absurdity, Follow @HunterAHomistek.