SAN FRANCISCO, Calif.—Popular Internet website "Bleacher Report" has announced today that their World Football page (formerly covering worldwide news, scores and analysis of the beautiful game) would be renamed "Arsenal," in order to adequately cater to the site's fanbase.
Arsenal supporters were said to be both shocked as well as delighted by the move.
"This is absolutely fantastic. A brilliant move. I can't think of anything better. Well, maybe I could think of a few things that would be better. You know, like... a Premier League title. Heck, just cracking the top four would be great," said Maire Ofeire, co-Community Leader for Arsenal.
The other Community Leader, Shyam Parthasarathi, also weighed in. "It was the right move. I should know, I've been suggesting it ever since I joined the website."
As it stood at the time of the decision, B/R executives had tracked the flow of articles spawning from the World Football section to be 94 percent about Arsenal and 6 percent to all other topics, including the 1,000+ professional teams, 200 national teams and hundreds of thousands of players.
Of the Arsenal articles, 49 percent of them referred to the team's performance, 24 percent were about the players, 19 percent were written about team manager Arsene Wenger, and 8 percent discussed Wenger's hair.
While the news was disappointing for fans of other Premier League clubs, Parthasarathi was quick to offer a silver lining: "You could always write about your favorite club whenever they play Arsenal. I mean, that's like...two games. So, twice."
B/R Community General Manager Zander Freund explained the logic behind the move.
"I don't know much about soccer, er, football, but whenever I checked out that part of the site it was full of Arsenal articles. You know, stuff about their manager. Stuff about their players. Their fans...er, supporters. Their stadium. Their logo.
Then, Maire and Shyam explained to me that Arsenal was actually the most important team in the sport and that everyone around the world had loved the team more than most anything else. And also, they asked a lot. A whole lot."
Albeit in the minority, opposition to the move has been quite vocal.
"What about all of us who write about other leagues and teams? Where else can I publish my articles about the US National Team? You're going to explain to my readership why they can't read my stuff anymore," fumed Joe Guarr, now the former MLS Community Leader.
When asked about how many reads the articles usually received, Guarr paused, then responded. "About 40 or so."
Eric Gomez, a writer with over 25 World Football articles to his name, says he personally petitioned Freund to change his mind.
"I told him I was working on this really in-depth piece about the evolution of Mexican football, and how more Mexican players are making the jump to Europe and other important leagues abroad."
"I remember laughing, because I thought he was kidding. Then I just stared at him for a second and said, 'Eric... who the hell's going to read that?'"
Eric Gomez is an analyst on Bleacher Report who means no harm. Seriously. Joe's my friend. And I like Arsenal. Carlos Vela plays there. Carlos is just one of many young, talented Mexican footballers who ply their tra-- what's that? Hey, you shut up.