Why Women Should Not Play Fantasy Basketball

Kelsey ParsonsCorrespondent IMarch 8, 2009

Before I get a slew of angry comments, I want it to be known: I am a woman and I play fantasy basketball.  The things I have listed below come directly from my own personal experiences.

My thoughts are in no way a reflection of every woman who has discovered the delight and exhilaration that comes from a game that puts you in control of some of the planet’s greatest athletes.  

There are many excellent reasons for the female gender to be represented in the fantasy sports world.

This only pertains to fantasy basketball because I have only participated in its splendors and not in those of the other sports. I am not writing this with an invitation for trouble.

Please: Read at your own vigilance…


Why Women Should Not Play Fantasy Basketball

Even if they have enough NBA knowledge to draft successfully, they can’t help but consider the attractiveness of the players when forming their squad.

If the woman knows the other members in the league you can count on her using promises of intimacy to pad trade offers.

After a streak of “bad luck,” they either want out completely or need to talk to everyone incessantly about why this is upsetting to them and how inconsiderate it is for the other league members to not take their feelings into account.

When playing in a league with a significant other there are two very important words for the man to consider: bedroom privileges.

Girls talk. Even if you aren’t fortunate enough to be playing in a league with your significant other, the woman will make sure her complaints about how you beat her 9-1 (she won free-throw percentage, a useless category anyways) will be heard by your girlfriend in the week when you play her head-to-head.

They will lose one week every month. Like clockwork. This week there is a guarantee that the woman’s players will see action or be benched for minor digressions. The woman will then proceed to cry and whine neurotically about how horrible their players are. 

They will then proceed to consume unreasonable quantities of chocolate to make themselves feel better…then weep about how fantasy basketball has made them fat.

If they do poorly it is expected because they are a female and they shouldn’t feel bad about it. If a woman is successful the men in the league should feel inadequate because they are losing to a girl.

All this said I am thankful that my group invited me to become a member and have thoroughly enjoyed the game. I am also currently in sixth place out of 12 in my league. Not anything to brag about, but nothing to be ashamed of either.

I encourage women everywhere to get involved.


I advise men everywhere to seriously contemplate the consequences...