It's become fairly obvious in recent years that Hollywood is completely out of original ideas for new films. How else do you explain Paranormal Activity 4, Saw VI, Bring it on Again and American Reunion—not to mention what seemed like hundreds of straight to DVD versions. Shame on you Eugene Levy.
In fact, in 2011, there were a total of 27 movie sequels released, which was the most of all time. If it's not a sequel, or a franchise "reboot," then it's a complete remake. Sometimes remakes work (Heaven Can Wait) and sometimes they fail miserably (The Longest Yard).
Since it's inevitable that some of our favorite sports movies will be remade far before their time, I decided to get a head start on casting. After all, that really is the key for a successful remake. So you won't be seeing Adam Sandler cast in any of these remakes.
I expect to get a call from a big-time Hollywood casting producer any day now.
In Spike Lee's 1998 film He Got Game starred Denzel Washington and NBA star Ray Allen as father and son Jake and Jesus Shuttlesworth.
Jake went to jail for accidentally killing his wife when Jesus was 12 and later receives a conditional release by the governor that hinges on Jake getting his basketball star son Jesus to attend a specific university.
Jake Shuttlesworth: Jamie Foxx (One of the few actors in Hollywood who could match Denzel's intensity)
Jesus Shuttlesworth: Rajon Rondo (He's sure got the brooding thing down)
In Walt Disney Pictures 1992 film The Might Ducks, Emilio Estevez starred as Gordon Bombay, a hotshot lawyer sentenced to community service for mouthing-off to a cop during a DUI arrest.
The rub, naturally, is that he is forced to work with a terrible kids hockey team, the very sport he gave up as a child, and confront those demons head-on when his team faces off against his old coach.
Gordon Bombay: Ryan Reynolds—He's Canadian...so that works with the hockey thing.
Casey Conway: Amy Adams—Gordon's brief love interest.
Charlie Conway: Logan Lerman—The Duck with the most heart, if not the most ability.
In Cameron Crowe's 1996 romantic-dramedy, Tom Cruise played the title character in Jerry Maguire, a cocky sports agent who finds his life spiraling out of control after getting fired from his agency.
After some begging and groveling, the only client he walks away with is marginally talented wide receiver Rod Tidwell, played by Cuba Gooding Jr., as well as Dorothy Boyd, played by Renee Zellweger, an office secretary who has a crush on him.
It all works out in the end, as Cameron Crowe movies tend to do.
Jerry Maguire: Bradley Cooper (You have to replace cocky handsome guy with cocky handsome guy)
Rod Tidwell: Nnamdi Asomugha (I know he's not a wide receiver, but it's no secret that the Eagles star corner has acting ambitions)
Dorothy Boyd: Amanda Seyfried (Those big doe eyed baby blues would be perfect for Dorothy)
In the 1993 film Rudy, Sean Astin plays Daniel "Rudy" Ruettiger, an undersized walk-on to the Notre Dame football field who dreams of one day getting to play for the Fighting Irish. The movie was based on real life events, how closely it was based on them depends on who you ask—right Joe Montana?
Rudy: Daniel Radcliffe (Shut up, he can do an American accent. Plus, they're the same size)
Fortune: Forest Whitacker (Definitely has the unflappable nature to play Rudy's unlikely inspiration)
Director Penny Marshall's 1992 A League of Their Own is a fictionalized account of the real-life All-American Girls Professional Baseball League, which was formed during World War II to fill the void they thought would be left if MLB shut down due to the war.
Tom Hanks played Jimmy Dugan, the bitter and drunken coach of the Rockford Peaches. Geena Davis played Dottie Hinson, their reluctant star catcher. Madonna played sexpot Mae Mordabito and Rosie O'Donell played her best friend Doris Murphy.
Dottie Hinson: Jennifer Garner (Definitely has the motherly quality required for the role)
Jimmy Dugan: Paul Rudd (May seem like kind of a stretch, but I've never seen him in something where I didn't love him. I think he could pull this off)
Mae Mordabito: Katy Perry (Sexpot singer that can't act. Done)
Nearly 30 years after it hit the theaters, Hoosiers still tops many lists of the greatest sports movies of all time. Gene Hackman played Norman Dale, the first-year coach of an undersized underdog high school basketball team in Indiana who surprise the world by winning the state championship.
Acting legend Dennis Hopper steals the show as Shooter, the alcoholic father of one of the teams' players. Hopper was actually nominated for an Oscar for his supporting role.
Norman Dale: Tom Hanks (Is there anyone more inspiring than American treasure Tom Hanks?)
Shooter: Billy Bob Thornton (Something tells me alcoholic know-it-all is a role he knows well)
The 1978 comedy Heaven Can Wait was actually a remake of the 1943 version, but the third time is a charm, right? Warren Beatty played Joe Pendleton, a backup NFL quarterback who collides with a truck and is accidentally taken to the afterlife by an over-eager angel who is short on job experience.
The big guy upstairs realizes the mistake, but Pendleton's body is already cremated. Naturally he improvises and just puts his Pendleton into the recently deceased body of a wealthy industrialist. Kooky hijinks ensue.
Joe Pendelton/Leo Farnsworth: Josh Brolin (Someone with the acting chops of Warren Beatty is required to pull this nonsense off)
Betty Logan: Rachel McAdams (The perfect love interest for almost any man)
Julia Farnsworth: Heather Locklear (As a black widow who kills her husband for the money—she'd be a natural).
The 1989 comedy Major League follows the Cleveland Indians over a season in which they were built entirely to fail. A former show girl inherits the team and is dead set on moving the team to Miami, but the only way to get out of the team's lease is to get attendance to drop to a comically low number.
The "losers" she assembles are quite an odd bunch, but overachievers at heart. They get wind of her plan and behind the play of Jake Taylor (played by Tom Berenger) and Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn (played by Charlie Sheen) they win the whole thing, just to screw her over.
Jake Taylor: Jon Hamm (Let's face it, Jon Hamm can do it all. He's hilarious and can pull off cocky, aging athlete)
Rachel Phelps: Nicolette Sheridan (I'm kind of surprised this hasn't happened to her in real life yet. Seems like only a matter of time)
Ricky Vaughn: Chris Pine (If you saw the Star Trek remake, you know that he has the acting chops to pull this off.)
You may remember the 1988 romantic comedy Bull Durham best as Kevin Costner's other baseball film. Costner plays "Crash" Davis, a veteran catcher signed to show rookie pitcher "Nuke" Laloosh the ropes. Think Major League's Jake Taylor and Ricky Vaughn, but substantially less funny.
Back in the majors, Crash meets Annie, played by Susan Sarandon, who is basically a groupie who has slept with most of the team. They antagonize each other mostly, but eventually live happily ever after.
Crash: Ryan Gosling (He's pretty much done it all by now and he'd certainly be a draw to the ladies today like Kevin Costner was in the 80's)
Annie: Isla Fisher (Talk about a redhead who can play head games! Anyone see Wedding Crashers?)
Arguably one of the best movies ever made, Martin Scorsese's 1980 masterpiece Raging Bull has truly stood the test of time and by no means needs a remake. But crazier things have happened.
Living legend Robert De Niro, in the role that has defined his career, played prizefighter Jake LaMotta whose struggles outside the ring eventually overtake his success in the ring.
De Niro famously gained 60 pounds to play the role for part of the movie.
Jake LaMotta: Leonardo DiCaprio
It's all but impossible to imagine anyone but Di Niro in the role of Jake LaMotta, but if anyone in Hollywood has a chance at pulling it off, it'd be Leonardo DiCaprio. This guy has come a very long way from the Titanic and routinely knocks it out of the park.
DiCaprio has held his own and then some up against Jack Nicholas and Matt Damon in The Departed. And he's played real life legends like Howard Hughes and J. Edgar Hoover convincingly in recent years.
And if you want to employ my services to cast your movie remake, hit me up on Twitter: Follow @blamberr