A Halt to the Madness!: THIS IS RAW!!!

AkDSenior Writer IMarch 7, 2009

Randy Orton's punt seems to take people out. That is a good thing. History shows for it as well. HBK, Cena, Vince, Shane, Batista, Dusty Rhodes and so on. I even read a nifty list here on B/R on who should get punted.

I really liked the article. I cannot recall who published it, but I believe it was Jev Thorpe. If it wasn't, please excuse me.

The only downside to Orton's I.E.D. driven punt is that he doesn't always get the job done. History is our best friend, not only a primary and secondary source, but it's also a neighbor in the community of our minds. Let's take a walk next door and knock, shall we?


HBK, Cena, and CM Punk all returned from the land of the scramble brains. Batista is working on his return as I speak, too. He's hitting the gym and injecting some more of those performance enhancers.

Vince could return as well somewhere down the line, who knows. Nevertheless, punts aren't going to get "rid" of the incessant buzzing of these nuisances.

I have proposed an alternative, an ultimatum. Word Life representatives have had vital ground breaking meetings with the Nickel anthropologists and the Dynasty Manifesto Archaeologist/Scientist. The three organizations went on an expedition to find an answer to the problems and came across an epiphany.

They headed towards Greece and went to Sparta. Spartans were warriors back in ancient Greece and if anyone could help find a remedy to WWE's nuisances, then it was the Spartans. They found a pit that seemed endless.

Manifesto scientist scaled the pit in diameter and circumference. They try to carbon date some nearby lose particles. Word Life was just so anxious about the discovery that they hopped on the phone and told everyone from their mother to the their grandmother's grandmother.

Word Life didn't want Manifesto to get all of the credit so they call in RNN. The cameras were on site and Manifesto addressed the press. The chairman DKA took the stand.


DKA: "We have found the solution to all of WWE's problems!! The future is here! Forget about punts, forget about I.E.D. No longer will we have to deal with nonsense!! Foolish ones shall meet their fate in this never ending bottom-less pit!"

Reporter: "How do you know this is true sir? Can you confirm this?"

Reporter No. 2: "Has anyone fallen in this pit? Has it been tested?"

The chairman is overwhelmed by the RNN swarm. He tries to speak but reporters continues to ask questions and shoving starts to occur.

Reporter No. 3: "Can you throw Hulk Hogan in there?"

Reporter No. 4: "Can you throw Cena...Batista....Khali, Octomom, Terrell Owens, Mark Cuban, Numero Uno--

"ENOUGH!!" Chairman DKA explodes but then regains his focus.

DKA: "The pit has been tested and is will be approved shortly. We have found worms nearby the pit site, and they're fresh. After carbon-dating, we and the Nickel anthropologist have confirmed that the worms belonged to the Boogeyman. He has fallen down the pit,No longer must we deal with a useless star like him!"

Reporter (gasp): "This is breaking news, he was a top ECW star, the lost is heartbreaking".

DKA: "Believe me, Boogeyman was horrible, he will not be missed, he will not be remembered, we will not care, the dynasty will be manifested. We will cater to the fans all around the nation".

"No more NONSENSE! Justice will be served on a silver COLD HARD PLATTER! Those deemed unworthy and or useless should suffer the same fate as Boogeyman. We're heading over to RAW soon, and the process will begin. I urge you to stay tuned people".

Reporter: "What do you mean?--

DKA: "This is historic, This is ECW, This is Smackdown, This is RAW, Thi sis WWE, THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!"

The crowd goes nuts as RAW superstar Mike Knox is grabbed from the back of the Word Life van and his untied.


"You day has come, any last words?"

Mike Knox: "My beard, wa--


Word Life representatives put him in position and every RNN camera is on sight as the historic moment takes place.


Knox is kicked into the endless pit until he can't be seen anymore. Everyone seems to concur with this new sensation. It is storming the wrestling world. Stayed tuned.