A Moment To Chat: The NBA Cafe

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A Moment To Chat: The NBA Cafe

NBA stars and officials are at a cafe. All of the tables are filled and taken, so they end up sitting at the same table.

Charles Barkley: "Where is the waiter!"

Dwayne Wade: He'll be here soon, be patient.

Wade had a pimple on his face and pops it. It starts to bleed so he puts on a band aid.

Barkley: I love the band aids Wade! This is why you're in my fave five! Too bad you can't wear them in NBA games.

Wade: David Stern thought I was Nelly, so he got mad and banned it.

A man walks into the bar with on a walker and fusses to be seated due to his disability. The tables are all taken so he's directed to Wade and Barkley's table. He struggles to sit down and Wade and Barkley continue their conversation.

Wade: I'm furious. I can't have any band aids, but LeBron can throw that damn baby powder. I've been averaging about 30 points and 12 assists the last month, I just can't seem to remain in the MVP talk.

Barkley: If the fave five was an MVP ranking, you'll be number one.

The other man at the table finally gets himself settled and begins to speak.

Man: I remember the good ol' days...

He takes off his hat and trench coat and reveals himself.

Barkley and Wade:"T-MAC!"

Barkley: "I thought you was dead!"

T-Mac: No, I'm not dead, why does everyone think that?

Mark Cuban walks into the cafe and is clearly stressed. He walks over the the table and takes a seat.

Wade: Hey Cuban! What's up man? How you doing?

Cuban gives a cold heartless look at Wade.

Cuban: I'm fine, oh I'm fine, he says frantically. My Mavericks are clinging for playoff life, we have no draft picks, and Kidd wasn't do what he was supposed to do.

Wade: I'm sorry to hear—

Cuban: Don't you sorry me Wade, you took away our only hope for a championship.

Cuban breaks down and starts to tear. Barkley grabs him and hugs him.

Barkley: If the fave five could give out NBA championships, you'd be at the top of the list. Bless those Mavericks...well, Dirk.

Cuban worries about his Google stocks and runs to the Internet section of the cafe to check his stocks, a man walks in with two black eyes.

Wade: "Isiah!"

Barkley: Good lord! What happened?! I think you better give him all your band aids Wade.

Isiah Thomas: I went to the supermarket and ran into some Knick fans. And then--

Wade: It's alright fella, save your energy. Where's the waiter? Can I get some ice?!

Cuban gets into an argument with one of the men on the computers. Cuban saw that he was the only one not conducting business on the the Internet. He was writing a blog.

Arenas: Relax, I'm done Cuban, you have loads of money man, don't trip.

Cuban snickers and Gilbert takes a seat at the table and makes a weird face at T-Mac.

Arenas: Man you alright fella? You don't look well. Averaging 15 points this season? Man that's rookie stats. If I was there, I'd be tearing it up.

Wade: But your injured. If you wanna talk about stats, where's yours?

Barkley: Wade has a point there Gilbert. Agent Zero had zero minutes, zero assists, zero rebounds, zero blocks, and zero points.

T-Mac: Seems like your finally living up to your name Gilbert.

Arenas: I just want to be 100 percent alright. When I come back, I'm dropping 99 points!

Wade: That reminds me of the time when you said you were gonna drop 50 points on the Blazers and had six points.

Arenas: (Looking embarrassed) That was an off day. I told you, I'm an assassin—wait till I come back.

Barkley: If wasting money on a player was a fave five topic, you'd be—

A man comes in crying. They assume it's Cuban again, but they see him checking his stocks on the Internet.

Isiah: It's Knicks fans!! I'm sorry please, please don't beat me up again..please!

Isiah drops to his knees, but the man isn't a knicks fan or an NBA player. He comes and sits at the table. The man is Terrell Owens.

Barkley: "T.O.! Damn boy wipe them tears off your face! What happened, Romo ain't throwing the ball your way again?"

Wade whispers to Barkley that the Cowboys released him.

Barkley: Oh......

T-Mac: You did good in the celebrity game during all star weekend though.

Isiah: If I was still a coach, I would have signed you.

Wade: This is why you were fired in the first place Isiah.

T.O. tries to speak, but just keeps crying. He gets hysterical and puts his head down.

Barkley: If I had more room, I would have added him the fave five.

The waiter finally appears and it was ex-NBA ref Tim Donaghy.

Wade: "I thought you were in jail?! What you doing here, making more bets?"

Cuban returns to the table frustrated and makes a path for Donaghy.

Cuban: "YOU! You made my Mavericks lose in the first round to the Warriors!!!"

Donaghy: Look I don't want any trouble, I'm just here to take orders. As for the Warriors/Mavericks series, that was a natural ass whooping.

Cuban tries to attack Donaghy, but was taken away by the bouncer Alonzo Mourning.

Shaq walks in and is rapping.

Shaq: "Huh Kobe how my ass taste?! Whooped your ass last week, how my ass taste?! Got Co-MVP at the All-Star game, how my ass taste?! You ain't getting another title without me, how my ass taste?!"

Shaq finds the table and joins them.

Shaq: Hey Wade, how's it going?

Shaq shakes his hand.

Shaq: Whoever has a corvette outside better have insurance.

Isiah looks out the window and see his corvette destroyed. The tires are gone, the windows are smashed and "KNICKS" are spray painted in bright orange. He starts to sob and runs outside.


Barkley: That guy is a nut. Hey Donaghy! I got some work to go back at the hotel tonight, so let me get some Bacardi, Rum, Liquor...you know the usual.

Donaghy: Are you sure that's a good idea? Remember--

Barkley: Why are you talking? Just give me the order!

Donaghy gets the order and Barley exits...drunk.

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