Raw: If I Ran the WWE

Adrian StaehleSenior Analyst IMarch 6, 2009

This is the way I would run the WWE. After some deep thought, I decided that I wanted to write about the improvements needed in the WWE.


RAW Roster

Batista, Beth Phoenix, Candice Michelle, Charlie Haas, Chris Jericho, CM Punk, Cody Rhodes, Dolph Zeigler, Goldust, JBL, Jerry "King" Lawler, Jillan Hall, John Cena, JTG, Kane, Kelly Kelly, Kofi Kingston, Layla, Lillan Garica, Melina, Mickie James, Michael Cole, Mike Knox, Randy Orton, Rey Mysterio, Rosa Mendes, Shad Gaspard, Shawn Michaels, Sim Snuka, Stephanie McMahon, Ted DiBiase Jr., and William Regal

Welcome to Raw here in New York City, New York. I am Michael Cole and with me is Jerry King Lawler as we have a big show for you here tonight.

Vince McMahon's music starts.

Cole's face tells the whole story as Vince walks to the ring.

Vince says, "I am here to announce that some major changes will be taking place on Raw, ECW, and SmackDown starting with Raw. If you don't like it then get the hell out of my compan. We will start the changes with Raw's new general manager.

The crowd hears glass breaking.

Austin comes out to a five-minute ovation, as Austin gets a microphone from McMahon.

Vince: Congratulations.

Austin: What?

Vince: On the Hall of Fame

Austin: What?

Vince: Guess who is

Austin: What?

Vince: Inducting you

Austin: Who? (The crowd laughs.)

Vince: Me, Vincent Kennedy McMahon.

Austin: (He looks confused.) What?

Vince: Do you want a beer.

Austin: What?

Vince: A beer

Austin: What?

Vince: A damn beer Austin. You are in the Hall of Fame

Austin: What?

Vince: Fine.

Austin: Vince, guess what?

Vince: Wha...

Before he finishes, Austin gives him a Stunner.

Austin music hits as he grabs a couple of beers, and he says, "Here's that beer."

The show cuts to commercial.

Raw returns to a replay of McMahon receiving a Stunner.

Cole reminds the audience that Austin is in the Hall of Fame and Mr. McMahon will induct him.


Money in the Bank (MITB) Qualifying Match: Kofi Kingston vs. ?

Kofi Kingston comes out and waits for his opponent.

The Macho Man's music starts.

Everyone is out of there seat as "The Macho Man" Charlie Hassavage comes out to the ring.

The audience begins to laugh.

Lillan says, "Macho Man Charile Hassavage" as Charlie gets the microphone.

Hassavage: Oh Yeah!

Kofi gets the microphone.

Kofi: Oh Noooo.

The two laugh about it as the match gets started.

Kofi starts the match with some combo's and knee's. Haasavage tries to start some offense, but Kofi keeps on the attack and tries to set up the Trouble in Paradise.

Before that happens, Dolph Zeigler comes out and hits Kofi with a metal object. But before Haasavage can get the cover, Zeigler hits him with the metal object.

They are both out cold. The match end in a double count out.

Backstage, Todd Grisham interviews HBK

Todd: What is next for "The Heart Break Kid" Shawn Michaels?

HBK: I think it's time for Mr. WrestleMania to be exactly that and steal the show once again at WrestleMania

Todd: Anyone in mind as an opponent?

HBK: Oh Yeah!

Charlie Haasavage comes up and says, "Oh Yeah."

HBK tells Todd, " He looks very convincing don't you think."

Todd laughs as they go to commercial.


MITB Qualifying Match: Tag Team (Winning team gets two spots in MITB match) Priceless vs. Cryme Tyme

As the match gets ready to start, Austin comes out with a cooler full of beer and a sofa brought out by security.

Priceless starts off fast with some combo's to get JTG off his feet. DiBiase puts JTG in a arm bar

Austin, with the microphone interrupts, "You got to be kidding me! You are worse than your father."

DiBiase looks at Austin as JTG gets the tag to Shad. Shad works on DiBiase, and Rhodes gets in the ring with the ref distracted by JTG. Rhodes hits Shad with brass knuckles as DiBiase converts the "Million Dollar Dream" on Shad.

Winner: Priceless

After the match, Austin comes down to the ring with a couple of beers.

Austin: How old are you?

Priceless: Old enough.

Austin: What? You want a beer?

Priceless: Yeah

Austin: What? Here, have a beer?

Rhodes and DiBiase go for the beer and they receive a Double Stunner.

Austin grabs a couple of beers and says, "The sheriff is back, and next week Priceless will take on a team of my choosing for those two spots in the MITB match."

Raw goes to commercial.


Tag Team Match: Beth Phoenix and Rosa Mendes vs. Kelly Kelly and Mickie James

Beth and Rosa start off strong and gain the upper hand going into the heart of the match. Kelly finds a way out of Rosa's leg lock to tag Mickie James after a kick to the head from Kelly Kelly. Mickie James looks at Beth as Rosa tags her.

As they lock up, Beth shows that she is more powerful than Mickie James. Mickie locks lips with Beth as she has her in a back-breaker. She rolls her up for a three-count.

Winners: Kelly Kelly and Mickie James

After the match, Beth has this weird look on his face as goes backstage.

Show goes to commercial.

Austin comes on and says the next match will be  Kane vs. William Regal in a No Holds Barred Match, and the winner will be the No. 1 Contender for the Intercontinental Championship next week on Raw.


Kane vs. William Regal w/Layla: No. 1 Contender for IC Title Match on Raw Next Week

Regal runs into a big boot from Kane. Then, Kane chokeslams Regal. He stands there wondering if Regal is even trying. Regal gets up, and Kane puts him in The Tombstone. Kane gets the pin.

Winner: Kane

After that match, Regal rolls right out of the ring as soon as the ref counted three. Regal tells Layla to get away from him as he looks back at the crowd and walks to the back.

We are back to commercials.


Randy Orton comes into Austin's office that looks like a bar and says, " I don't know who in the hell you think you are but I run this show." But Austin has his back towards Orton.

Austin turns around and says, "Oh hey Orton, I couldn't hear you. I was listening to your song "I Hear Voices" and it sucks, so what were you saying."

Orton: I run this show.

Austin: What?

Orton: I'm not playing this game with you. Don't get in my way, Austin. They do call me The Legend Killer for a reason.

Austin's face gets serious as he says, "If you want to see Randy Orton in a match here tonight. Give me a 'Hell Yeah.'"

Crowds gives Austin a "Hell Yeah."

Austin: They get what they want, Orton. You will take on CM Punk for Intercontinental Championship tonight. If you lose, then your Royal Rumble Title Match will be up for grasps in a Battle Royal Match next week on Raw. Oh, that's the bottom line cause the sheriff said so.


MITB Qualifying match Rey Mysterio vs Mike Knox

Rey Mysterio comes out very strong against Mike Knox as Knox can't get any offense.

The lights go out.

The lights come back on after a few seconds. Now, Knox has Mysterio in his finisher.

The lights go out again.

This time Rey looks around as he now has The Briefcase and nails Knox with the briefcase. Knox falls into the ropes and Mysterio hits the 619.

Winner: Rey Mysterio

After the match, Rey looks around like he is looking for someone.

We are back to commercials.

We come back to Chris Jericho going to the ring in a suit.

Jericho: I am sick and tired of the disrespect from each one of you and the guys in the back. I don't care if Austin runs this show. I do what I want to whomever I want.

Batista's music plays.

Batista comes into the ring and looks at Chris like he is going to kill him.

Batista: Jericho, you are right. I've been her since 2002 and I am so tired of these "has beens" taking up the spotlight. You and me can make one hell of a team. We can blow DX out of the water.

Jericho: Wow, I can't believe it. Batista "The Animal" is agreeing with me.

Batista: Your damn right I am. What do you say, Chris? Are you and me a team. We take out who we want and when we want.

Jericho: I think it's brilliant. You might not be as dumb as you look. Then he laughs.

Batista doesn't laugh, and when you think he is going to do something, he laughs.

Batista and Jericho walk out together, and as they get to the top of the ramp, Batista raises Jericho's hand in the air.

It's time for a commercial break.



Main Event: Randy Orton vs. CM Punk

Orton is very unhappy as he gets set to face Punk. Punk gets the crowd into it early. Orton goes right after him like a viper hunting his prey as he punches away and kicks away. Orton looks for a backbreaker, but it is turned into the a back suplex by Punk as Punk gets it going.

Punk has Orton in the ropes and hits Orton with multiple knees before the ref pulls them apart. At that time, Orton hits the ref while aiming for Punk.

So, with the ref out, Orton low blows Punk to get a chair. Punk kicks Orton in the face with chair in hand.

As Orton falls, Priceless comes out and hits Punk with a Double DDT. As Priceless goes to the back, Orton sets up for the RKO, and the ref starts to get up.

Cena music starts, and he runs to the ring.

Cena looks at Ortons, and Orton dives out of the ring. Cena dives in and hits the Attitude Adjustment on CM Punk, and the ref signals for the bell to ring.

Lillian announces the result after the ref says something in her ear.

Garica: The winner of the match by outside interference CM Punk.

The crowd explodes.

Orton looks around for an explanation. Cena points to the Titration and Austin appears on the screen.

Austin has this serious look on his face. Then starts laughing as hard as possible, and the show fades to black.

After a second or two, JBL face is show. He says that next week on Raw he will have the biggest announcement in wrestling history.

It fades to black again.

Next Week on Raw:

Intercontinental Title Match between Kane and CM Punk, JBL's announcement, and the Battle Royal for the No. 1 contender.

Look out for the ECW and SmackDown shows coming soon.









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