New York Yankees star third baseman Alex Rodriguez will likely be out at least 10 weeks so that he can have what is being called a "cyst" removed from his right hip.
According to an unnamed source, the real reason he is undergoing this operation is to surgically remove a steroid needle from his hip.
"The needle was apparently left there after it fell into the vast hole that was his injection site," said Unnamed.
A-Rod declined to comment, other than to say, "If they do find a needle in there, it must have come from an energy drink my cousin purchased in the Dominican."
A-Rod's cousin also declined to comment, except to add, "I have nothing to say. But Alex is clean now, man. Sure, he has more holes in his body than a colander, but that's just because it makes him more aerodynamic."
It is speculated that the timing of this surgery relates to the release of Selena Roberts' book.
A-Rod again declined to comment, other than to say, "It has nothing to do with the media or the book. I will return once everything blows over. Er, I mean, everything from the injury that is. Not the book. Oh no, I wasn't even aware there was a book. I categorically deny knowing a Selena Roberts anyway."
Some have speculated this could be some secret suspension handed out by Bud Selig.
Selig had no comment, except to say, "I have no direct knowledge of a suspension, or anything that has occurred after 1990."
When asked whether there was any substance that might quicken the healing process, A-Rod's cousin declined comment. But he said, "This is merely a coincidence, but I'll be in the Dominican next week, and I'm sure I'll find something."
As to a replacement for A-Rod, the Yankees aren't expected to do much. Bombers GM Brian Cashman refused to comment. But he did say, "We definitely won't panic. Sure, we'll probably go out and trade for Adrian Beltre, Garret Atkins, David Wright, Aramis Ramirez, Evan Longoria, and Mike Schmidt, but not much more than that."
When informed that Schmidt had long since retired, Cashman reportedly said, "You say retirement, I say leave of absence. It's all rumors, like the one about Alex doing steroids. Complete lies."
When asked about the effect that A-Rod's absence will have on the team, Yanks manager Joe Girardi wouldn't comment. But he said, "Too bad he wasn't having the surgery in October."
10 Comments
Loading more comments...
This comment and all replies have been deleted This comment has been deleted Undo delete