Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kyle Busch— Hometown hero Busch won the Shelby 427 at Las Vegas Speedway, starting from the rear after an engine change rendered his pole win on Friday null. Busch wrested the lead from Clint Bowyer on lap 269, and held on through two restarts to collect his first win of the year.
The driver of the No. 18 M&Ms Toyota celebrated with his customary bow, and added a kiss of the Vegas asphalt, which, he added, tasted like a Roush Fenway engine.
"I don't answer to anyone but myself," says Busch, "so it has to be an extremely important situation for me to kiss some as'.
"It's always a huge occasion to win on your home track, especially in front of fans who watched me and my brother grow up. For me, it was the return of the native son. For Kurt, though, it was the return of the native S.O.B."
"As for a jump to Formula One someday, I am seriously considering it. I welcome new challenges. Besides, who wouldn't want to race in a series in which qualifying actually matters, and one caution is a rarity, much less 14? They don't have debris cautions in F1, except for the occasional streaker, or Nazi sex orgy."
2. Jeff Gordon— Gordon locked his brakes trying to hit pit road late in the race, and his left front tire blew on the subsequent lap. Damage was heavy to the left front of the No. 24 DuPont Chevrolet, but heady work in the pits kept Gordon in the thick of things. He finished a solid sixth and took over the points lead from Matt Kenseth.
"It's hard to pinpoint what caused me to miss pit lane," says Gordon. "It could have been lack of concentration, or possibly lack of sleep. Or it could have been because of one too many viewings of Dale Earnhardt, Jr.'s instructional video on pit stops, called 'Pit Happens.'"
"I feel like this team is ready to break that winless streak. Not winning a race in 44 tries seems like an eternity, which is slightly less than the length of a FOX pre-race show."
3. Clint Bowyer — Bowyer survived contact with Juan Montoya early in the race, then gambled to stay on the track during a late-race caution. The move allowed Bowyer to lead nine laps, but he couldn't hold off the charging Kyle Busch in the end. Bowyer moves up four places in the point standings to second, 18 behind Jeff Gordon.
"When push comes to shove," says Bowyer, "neither Montoya nor I will give any quarter. I'm a strong-willed Kansas native; he's a feisty Colombian. I'm not willing to give an inch; he's not willing to give a kilo. If that comparison sounds forced, it is.
"It was a lot easier when I drove the Jack Daniels car to describe contact with Montoya, when 'Jack and Coke' neatly summed it up."
"As far as our decision not to pit late, this is Las Vegas; how can you not gamble? When you say 'double down' and 'all in' in Vegas, you're not only describing some of the stranger acts that occur in Tony Stewart's hauler, you're also referencing our pit strategy. Sometimes, you have to throw 'caution' to the wind."
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