Oh, hi, former Buffalo Bills cornerback Jabari Greer. Welcome to the New Orleans Saints’ defensive unit. I’m Nola Chick, the head chick in charge of Chicksinthehuddle.com, the unofficial “official” voice of female Saints fans.
I’m sure you’re well aware of our defensive problems...particularly in our secondary. As our new cornerback, all eyes will be on you and your $23 million contract. We have the utmost confidence you’ll earn every penny of it.
But in the event you lose sight of what’s expected of you, we decided to draft a few helpful guidelines.
1.) You’re only allowed one burn for a TD every six games.
2.) You get one unsportsmanlike conduct penalty per season
3.) You get one excessive celebration penalty every eight games.
4.) Every Tuesday during the season we post a column called “Hit it and Quit it.” It’s not advised you make a habit out of appearing on the “Quit It” list as things have a tendency to get ugly.
5.) You’re easy on the eyes. If you’ve got a nice body under all those layers, shirtless pictures are both appreciated and strongly advised.
6.) You must grant us at least one interview. It’s part of the hazing process.
7.) Serious injuries are forbidden within your first two years so it’s best you condition your tush off this offseason.
8.) If you do get burned, we implore you not to pat your chest and nod your head in the official “that’s on me” gesture. We know it’s on you. We were watching it. With that said, it’s also required that you don’t pull an Aaron Brooks and giggle while walking off the field after doing something bad.
Well, I think that about covers it. Welcome to the Big Easy!