5 Montreal Canadiens Who Could Find Work Outside Hockey During the NHL Lockout
Defenseman Yannick Weber helped to trigger what is expected to be a long exodus of National Hockey League players out of North America this past Tuesday. Signing with Geneva-Servette HC of the Swiss National League A, he may, however, be going about this all wrong.
Doesn’t he know his versatility as both a seventh defenseman/13th forward can be of great use within the retail sector? Not only can he stack shelves and bag groceries, but his contributions may very well know no bounds, except maybe at the customer-service desk. Everyone knows he’s a little too giving in that department.
Of course, the one flaw in this plan is that Weber would arguably have to take away work from someone more in need than he...similar to what he’s doing right now, actually.
In any case, here are five other Habs who may find their talents translate well to another workplace and could look for work outside hockey during the current lockout.
Defenseman P.K. Subban is great with the puck in the offensive zone, but it’s his skills off the ice and in between plays that makes us think he has the talent to become an actor.
Already blessed with experience, currently appearing in Nike commercials, Subban has a larger-than-life personality that commands attention.
Plus, if the cross-training thing falls through, he’s also got the skills to collaborate with Alexandre Despatie to promote swimwear.
The face of the franchise, Carey Price, is a competent goalie to say the least, but a superstar? Is anyone truly prepared to make that argument based on his accomplishments up to this point?
Really, Price is capable of stealing games, but he always leaves you wanting more. That’s why it’s clear he can always find a second career as a psychic helping people learn more about their futures at the low, low rate of $100 per hour.
He may even find out something new about himself in the process. Johnny Depp’s long-lost brother, maybe?
As an added bonus, he can double as a medium, which is, coincidentally, what grade most analysts give his career up to this point, falling well short of the greatness he can achieve if he just puts his mind to it.
The team’s resident defensive specialist, Tomas Plekanec recently signed with HC Kladno of the Czech Extraliga. However, he’s perhaps missing out on an opportunity to really find his niche in politics.
His inconsistency over the years and inability to finish despite being the beneficiary of multiple breakaways each game are proof positive that this could work.
Just look at current United States presidential nominee Mitt Romney. His track record is worse than spotty when it comes to maintaining a particular point of view on any one issue, and a certain recently leaked video points to him possibly letting victory slip through his fingers despite President Obama’s failures to turn around the U.S. economy to a greater extent than he has.
Sure, Plekanec isn’t all that talkative (at least not while speaking English) and may lack that silver tongue with which Romney was born, but considering that aforementioned video, it gives him an added advantage: less chance of saying something stupid.
Contrary to popular belief, forward Rene Bourque has many talents.
He can grow a mean goatee. He does a mean Alex Kovalev impression (at least the Alex Kovalev who doesn’t show up to games). Hell, he’s also pretty big at 6’2” and 211 pounds.
That’s second to only Travis Moen among Habs forwards (6’2”, 215 pounds). Granted, being big isn’t necessarily a talent per se, but you take what you can get as far as Bourque is concerned, which isn’t all that much.
However, whereas Moen always seems to be wearing a smile or a bewildered expression on his face that makes him look like that page Kenneth from 30 Rock, Bourque actually looks quite menacing (thanks in part to those goatee-growing abilities of his). That’s why he could undoubtedly moonlight as a bouncer at a high-end nightclub.
The high-end part is key, because all he really needs to do is stand still, at which he’s a veritable pro. The second he has to deal with actual tough-as-nails clientele, the illusion of his supposed mean streak falls apart like the logic surrounding Montreal's decision to trade for him in the first place.
Most would say Gomez is kind of like a used-car salesman, at least of the stereotypical variety: sleazy, able to talk anyone into buying a lemon, etc.
However, it’s clear that he’s the lemon in this situation and, if anything, his agent is the salesman, having once upon a time pulled a fast one over New York Rangers general manager Glen Sather (who then swindled former Habs GM Bob Gainey).
So, what does that make Gomez, himself? I mean, being served at suburban street corners everywhere during the summer in liquid form, quenching the thirst of anyone looking to slowly give themselves a diabetic disorder isn’t exactly a profession as much as it is a calling.
How about an investment banker, just like all those who have carelessly and greedily plunged the American government and the world into arguably the worst economic crisis in 80 years? He’s certainly got the salary for it (or, more accurately, the salary cap hit of $7,357,143).
Not only that, but his return on investment is so lacking it makes you long for the days of mortgage-backed assets. At least the market for those has somewhat recovered. Not the case for Gomez, whom Habs fans would sooner send packing for Europe than sit through another one of his uneventful shifts.
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