Cry me a river.
Perhaps New York Rangers head coach John Tortorella can organize a heartfelt sendoff for his favorite player.
Yeah, right. Sean, we knew you far too well.
It was more than time to say goodbye.
But at the same time that he had the nerve to "announce" his retirement—he's not nearly important enough to do anything but fade away—he said the Rangers would have beaten the Devils in their Eastern Conference Finals playoff matchup had he been in the lineup.
Avery made his pronouncement on New York Radio station Q104.3 FM while promoting a charitable endeavor. "I can tell you one thing," Avery said. "If Sean Avery had been on the team, the Rangers would not have lost to the Devils."
Avery went on to say that he's never been wrong in anything he's ever said.
This is the kind of drivel that qualifies as entertainment these days on New York radio stations.
Avery was a run-of-the-mill player throughout his career who was classless on the ice.
Tortorella simply could not stand him and the smug look that he had on his face on an every-night basis, but he would have found a way to put up with him if he was a player who could have contributed to the Rangers' cause.
But Avery wasn't good enough in any area of the game to warrant taking up a roster spot. If any other coach or general manager around the league had a different opinion, Avery would not have "retired." He would still be playing.
Let's be honest about this: Avery was past the point where he could contribute to an NHL team. He had been a decent third- or fourth-line player earlier in his career, but those days have been over for years.
His greatest talent seemed to be annoying fellow NHL players. Who can forget Avery standing in front of New Jersey Devils goalie Martin Brodeur and waving his stick in front of his face in an attempt to distract him from his job.
He couldn't distract him with his talent, so he had to use "tactics" to try to get him off his game. That has been Avery's signature in recent years.
He also liked to run away from fights in his later years, as this video shows in a confrontation with the New Jersey Devils in a preseason game last year.
Avery did last 12 years in the NHL, but he made very few legitimate contributions to his teams. He scored 90 goals in his career and never scored more than 18 in a season (2006-07).
Instead of playing hockey, Avery says he will concentrate on other business interests, such as restaurant ownership and modeling opportunities.
Ice hockey's gain will become problems for those businesses.
Avery's 15 minutes of fame may not be over, but at least he won't be prancing and preening on hockey's stage any longer.