Ranking the 6 Most and Least Entertaining Talkers in the WWE
Image via wwe.com
The WWE is currently graced with some fast-talking, charismatic personalities...and some not so fast-talking, charismatic personalities.
This article will seek to rank the six most entertaining talkers in the company, and the six least, pulling no punches in the process.
With the exception of The Rock, Undertaker and Triple H, the following superstars are from the current WWE roster only.
Whether you agree or not, make sure to sound off below with your thoughts.
The Best: 6. William Regal
As evident in the video, William Regal is gangsta.
The wrestling legend from Blackpool, England, is surely one of the most naturally funny talkers in the WWE, and he's also one of the most under-utilised.
His dry sense of humour may not be to everyone's taste, but nobody could ever claim that he's unwilling to make a fool of himself in the good name of entertainment.
And over the years, boy has he!
I may be blinded by my love of the eastern European accent, but I find Aksana one of the most entertaining talkers in the business.
Her relatively poor grasp of the English language and pronunciation difficulties are masked by her cute "foreign-ness" and her over-the-top flirtatious behaviour.
I would also argue that, despite his obvious talent in the ring, Aksana has been one of the main reasons for Antonio Cesaro's big push of late.
Just hearing her say the words "Antonio is my lovurrr" makes me very jealous, indeed.
4. The Miz
I, like many, was surprised when I learned that The Miz would be following in John Cena's footsteps by appearing in The Marine film franchise.
Unless the Marine in question is a jerky, arrogant know-it-all (hardly a character to sell tickets!), Miz will have to use all of his acting chops to pull off what will probably be a more heroic role.
Don't get me wrong, though, he has certainly found his niche in the WWE as the pompous heel.
And as long as the mic is regularly put in his hands, long may his real role continue.
3. Damien Sandow
I for one am eternally grateful to Damien Sandow for enlightening the masses.
He has so selflessly graced us with his condescension and eloquent manner. His arrival in the WWE has sparked a new era of refinement and sophistication, and long may it continue.
To paraphrase the man himself, surely he has come to save us all from our ignorance.
(He. Talk. Good. That's really all I have to say.)
2. John Cena
There are few, if any, in the WWE who are more polished on the mic than John Cena.
Perhaps his best ability is being able to improvise on the spot, something few others in the business are able to claim.
You may love him or hate him, but you cannot deny he's a sharp talker—one of the main reasons he's been shopped as the company's No. 1 guy for the past six or seven years.
But whether he's a match for the next guy, is a question I'm sure you'll all have an opinion on.
1. CM Punk
It's been quite a while since his infamous "pipe-bomb," and you could argue that he's never really reached as great a height, but that doesn't take away from the fact that CM Punk is dynamite on the mic.
And whilst Jerry Lawler may not agree, in terms of being able to cut a promo, perhaps he is the best in the world.
His heel-turn storyline this summer has been complex and slow-building, and only now is it starting to incite the boos it requires to thrive.
He's the best...but who's the worst?
The Worst: 6. Brodus Clay
How Brodus Clay manages to sound so out of breath before he makes his entrance is beyond me.
His behind-the-curtain introductions for Cameron and Naomi seem to last forever: "Funkateers...put... your hands...together...for the lovely..."
But that's not the only reason Brodus makes the list—his mic skills out of the ring are hardly in sync with his larger-than-life in-ring persona.
I would suggest that his "Funkadactyls" should do all the talking for him, but judging by a few of their recent appearances on WWE's "Backstage Fallout," this wouldn't really be the best idea, either.
5. Vickie Guerrero
In a similar way to Aksana, Vickie Guerrero seems to have great difficulty in stringing two coherent sentences together.
For Aksana, it's endearing, but for Vickie, it's a little annoying, to say the least.
Add to the mix her high-pitched, squealing voice and perhaps fifth on this list is a little generous.
Still, she has been responsible for some of the funniest moments on WWE television, and she must be commended for that.
4. Jack Swagger
Kurt Angle he ain't.
Jack Swagger is probably the archetypal jock, although I'm afraid I don't mean that as a compliment in his case.
Nobody's doubting his physical prowess, or even his technical ability in the ring—but such attributes won't save Swagger from a place on this list.
Because when it comes to the 15-minute promos (an example of which is shown in the video), he'd probably be better served just letting his fists do the talking.
Note to WWE: Having Kaitlyn on commentary during a match is not the best idea.
My favourite moment of last SmackDown's stutter-fest, with her seated next to Michael Cole in the booth, has to be the following excerpt:
Michael Cole: "Natalya also said that you 'couldn't lace her boots.'"
Kaitlyn: "Not only would I not want to lace her boots, umm...they...I told her that she may need to use a little Febreze—if you know what I mean?"
Don't worry, Kaitlyn, we know exactly what you mean.
2. The Great Khali
Perhaps it's a little harsh putting a guy on this list who can't really speak any English.
Then again, I have to be fair to everyone!
Besides, unless you haven't really been paying attention until now, this article is more tongue-in-cheek than anything.
So The Great Khali takes his worthy place as the second-worst talker in the business, but if this were a list of the worst singers, he'd definitely be No. 1!
1. Darren Young
It says quite a lot for a superstar's ability on the mic when he manages to pip Khali for the No. 1 spot.
But in my book, Darren Young just edges out the oblivious Punjabi Playboy, because with English as his supposed first language, he really has no excuse.
But perhaps I'm being harsh on him—perhaps he's just been overshadowed recently by the far more charismatic and domineering Titus O'Neill.
But then again, watching the attached video, they're probably just as bad as each other.