This is the moment when Jerry Jones should drop the mic on the stage and leave with the swagger of a true boss.
You didn't think when you woke up this morning that you would be served, did you? You never contemplated the possibility that you would get 180 pounds of tour de force up in that face with a heaping pile of pizza, did you?
You didn't know Jerry Jones could flow like a million rivers or throw down hip-hop anthems like Yeezy or Weezy?
Ladies and Gentleman, here is Jerry Jeezy.
Suddenly, I have a hankering for pizza, because that may be the only thing to cure me from the sight I can never unsee: Jerry Jones rapping with the exuberance of Terrell Owens getting a call from an NFL team.
The purpose of this video is to sell the good people of Dallas on a "5-star combo" that includes a five-topping pizza, two-liter of Pepsi and the realization that a nap will follow shortly after consumption.
By the way, anything over three toppings and you are just ordering a slab of bread with a meat salad on top. Let's keep things a little more nuanced and stick to a three-toppings-or-under rule.
I now sit patiently and await two things: my pizza to get here and for Jones to release another ditty that I can sit back and relax to.
Nothing says hip hop more than a billionaire owner of a sports team, and nothing says swag like Jerry Jones.
I am either kidding or extremely hungry.
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