Manny Ramirez, Are You R-E-T-A-R-....Emotionally Challenged?

Todd CivinSenior Writer IFebruary 27, 2009

As a parent, I try to teach my kids right from wrong. Though unpopular, I do strive for political correctness.

We use all of those cute little, annoying nicknames for physical or emotional disadvantaged people (I grew up calling these handicaps). Short is now vertically challenged. Fat is circumferencely challenged, and bald is follicly challenged. A housewife is a domestic engineer, a janitor is a custodial engineer, and a gardener is an ecological engineer. All of these euphemisms are nice little Mr Rogers-esque little ways to make those less fortunate than you or me feel good about themselves.

But sometimes mentally challenged is still spelled R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D! 

After man child Manny Ramirez's latest episode of "Manny Being Manny" while "Scott Is Scott," one has to wonder if Ramirez and agent Scott Boar-ass both drove the short bus out of La-la Land.

Over my four decades as a baseball fan, I've heard the term, "he has a high baseball IQ," used hundreds of times to describe someone who understands how to play the game. A person who thinks a bit quicker than others and who knows the fundamentals and nuances of the game.

Manny clearly has one chromosome too many on the baseball IQ test. There has hardly been a man to don the stirrups with a lower baseball or perhaps mental IQ than Ramirez.


His latest decision to reject a two-year, $45 million offer by the Dodgers is only one of many idiotic decisions that Manny has made during his rein as "The Clown Prince of Baseball." One has to wonder if the official "Clown Prince of Baseball," the late Max Patkin, was reincarnated as "The Dufus of Dodgertown."

Do the math, Manny. You are 37-years-old, and you were driven out of Boston for lying down on the job. We are one-week deep into spring training. There is one team bidding for you. The economy is in the toilet, and you just rejected a salary that is 20 percent higher per year than the Commissioner of Baseball's contract. Who are you, Rainman?

I know. It's "Manny Being Manny."

No, sometimes stupid is what stupid does, Forrest!

"Manny Being Manny" is about giving kids high fives while in the midst of turning a double play. And "Manny Being Manny" is about growing your hair like Jimmy Cliff, beating up the elderly travel secretary, cutting off the centerfielder's relay throw, jogging out close plays at first, and taking a squirt inside the Green Monster. "Manny Being Manny" is rewriting the book of psychological disorders.

Some have made the claim that the Manny is a child in man's body. Some have referred to him as an idiot savant. I know we strive to be politically correct, but let's face it; if it smells like an idiot and it tastes like an idiot, it is an idiot.

Could it be that Boras and Manny are also striving for their own sort of political correctness and will sign with a crayon on April Fools Day? Is it possible that Frank McCourt is walking around L.A. with a big sign on his behind that says "Kick Me?" Or are Manny and Boras going to replace the ceremonial first pitch on Opening Day by reciting "Who's On First" a la Bud and Lou?

Manny, not only do you ride the short bus, but I think I saw you licking the windows, brother.